[lakin11]

Hi ladies! I have a question to all of you out there! As a working mom, if you did not have to work to make financial needs met, would you stay home with your kids?

A little background:
My husband and I are living off his salary and a little bit I get from watching my niece daily. We can make ends meet, although there is little extra. I have considered taking a job at a friend's daycare. She offered me a teaching position last spring for this fall and I didn't act on it. However, I asked her the other day if she had any openings and she said if I want to work there, she'll find an opening for me to do something! She offers free childcare for employees kids if they are 3 and up. So 3 of my 4 would be free (and the baby may be leaving this week, so it would just be the three). We have been approached about taking a 14 month old, should the baby leave, so thats another consideration. She would be 1/2 price, but would also qualify for the daycare vouchers. FS is 5 and in 1/2 day kindergarten. Daycare provides bus transportation to and from school. So my 3 and 4 yr old FDs would be going all day. The hours would most likely be 8-5.
I was a teacher for several years and really do miss teaching. I have taught the fkids soooooo much (they came not knowing English, now they are nearly fluent in both languages, know letters, shapes, etc in both). We are probably going to be able to adopt them (God willing) next spring. Next school year, FS will go to school all day and 4 yr old FD will go to Kind (1/2 or full day, not sure).
I feel like since I've been home, I've become tons more lazy. I know I've gained about 25 lbs. We are active with the museum, zoo, etc, but I know myself personally lets a lot of stuff go undone. When I was working, it was just DH and I, so I have never worked while trying to raise a family.
When I decided to open an in home daycare, I did not have foster kids. My "plan" was to have 5-6 kids full time to help make up for the difference in income. However, I only have my niece full time. Now that we have 4 foster children, I am maxed out with the number of children allowed unless I become a licensed daycare. Then I could take up to 12 I believe. My house is too small for THAT many kids!

Would you stay home if you didn't feel that you "had" to go to work? Would you choose to go to work because you like what you do?
Any advice out there?!
Thanks!

[Scarlett_A.]

Good question. I got into an interesting (and heated) debate about this on a different website the other day (oops).

I am a single working mom. I have to work. I have gone back and forth a little bit, but for the MOST part-if I got married, my husband could provide for all of us and was willing to allow me to stay home full time........I still would work.

I feel very, VERY fortunate for having the position and the work hours I do. They are definitely not for everyone. I work 3 12-hour-long shifts a week, all in a row. I went into this field FOR the work hours (I was a newly single mother of two), it is in the medical field, which I was planning on going into anyway, and I have managed to work up in the position over the last 5 years, become licensed, I make a VERY decent income, AND I have a LOT of time to spend with my kids. I have almost 5 full days to spend with my kids. There is definitely some sacrifice of sleep on my part, but I just sleep for about 2 hours when I get off of the 3rd day, then I am up ALL day (from 10 a.m. on) and go to bed when my kids go to bed that night (about 8 p.m.) to make up for my lost sleep over the 3 days that I work.

When I work the night before a school day, it's great, because I'm only sleeping during the time they are in school anyway, then I have the rest of the afternoon with them, I get to feed them dinner, get them ready for bed, etc. before I have to leave, so really all they are missing from me is the time they are asleep.

If I did not have a work schedule like this, but I did have a partner who was willing to support us (but was okay with me doing some work too), I would probably look for a job much like the one you are suggesting, where I'm not really "away" from my children (even though you might be in a separate age-group room from them), where I felt like I was furthering myself, had a little independence and freedom, and a little extra spending cash. I think your children might also benefit in a situation like that, I know my dd and dS LOVE going to the "Kid's Club" at the gym, socializing is a lot of fun for kids, and if they know you're nearby but get to spend some time with kids their age and learn a little bit too, it seems like a win/win situation.

Just remember, if your DH *IS* willing to support you fully and you don't have to work.......if it's not working out for you and your family, you can always relinquish the position. It sounds like it might be a positive thing for all of you, though, and I would say: "Give it a shot!" Just don't let yourself get too burned out......wow, four kids, you definitely have your hands full. But I see nothing wrong with it, AND if it gives you a little bit of a "break" (as far as being around other adults in a very structured situation), that's great too.

Good luck!

[zxczxcasdasd]

I think it's not about whether you have a job and leave the house as much as it just whether the children have an adult present who knows them and loves them and is taking care of them while they are home and can be at important events when the times come.

Some professions allow the parent some great flexibilty to still be working and making income, but also still be there for the kids. Nursing/medical professions is one. I know plenty of moms who work 1-3 long shifts per week and are still THERE for the kids.

Teaching can work well once your own kids are in school.

I'm a college prof, and so is my sis and we work our teaching schedules around our kids needs and also other family fill in. I take my kid to school every morning and at lunch (he's pre-K so it's 1/2 day) it's either me, or his dad, or his big bro (who's 17) or his granddad there to pick him up, feed him lunch and play with him until I get home. It doesn't have to be ME there, but it does need to be an adult who LOVES them. Little guy LOVES his lunches with grandad and seeing his big bro when he gets out. And I get and give a big hug when I get home a little later.

My GREATEST contribution to the world will be the two men (my sons) who hopefully will make the world a better place by using their God-given gifts. And while they are my FIRST prioirity, I also feel great joy in using the specific gifts and talents I've been given to enrich people's lives. When people find their singing voice and they just beam...joy. When they hit that first high note and it feels easy and they bounce with delight...joy. When a student hugs you crying and saying thank you for believing in them...joy. When parents glow with pride because they see their child's talent become actual ability and I know I'm the one who got them there...joy.

I LOVE my sons. I love my job. I am SO grateful for my brains and my talent and I feel so privileged to help other people find theirs (brains and talents, lol).

[Poleczech]

If it weren't for the fact that DH and I cannot afford for me to be a SAHM right now, I would be in a heart beat if we could afford it, because I love being a mommy. (We just adopted our son from birth in June and between the adoption fees, attorney fees, and unexpected expenses that keep hitting us, we are wiped out and I HAVE to work. )

That being said, I do feel lucky that there is a good day care facility about two blocks from where I work, and my son seems to be doing very well there. DH and I both took 6 weeks off, then we put him in this day care when we returned. Yes, it is hard to leave him, and I have to leave earlier than I normally would have to so I have a chance to get in a few extra hugs and kisses before I leave, and I make tracks to pick him up as soon as I get off work. I also stop in during the day if I get a break (which our day care encourages -- I know some don't like it when parents drop by). And at 4 months old, he is already flirting with some of the other girls!

But if we could afford it, I would be a SAHM definitely!

[NJNative]

I have done both -- and then some. I worked full time until my son was almost 5, then worked part-time from home for a couple of years, then was a SAHM for about 5 or 6 years, then worked part-time outside of the home for a while. I now work full time and have since my son was 14. It is easier for me to shift my arrangements, since I work as a writer and editor, which can easily be done freelance.

I don't think it has to be an "all or nothing" kind of thing. Working was actually easier for me when my son was small -- he went to daycare two days a week and to MomMom's house 3 days. But by age 4, things got complicated. He was in Montessori pre-school and started to want to have a social life. Playdates, birthday parties, play time with neighbors at the playround next door. So freelancing from home was the way to go, since I could work on a much more flexible schedule.

My working needs changed as he changed and grew. Right now, I technically don't "have to work" -- but my son is in school from 7-4 every day. He's only home for 1 1/2 hours before I get home.

Robin

[mommamarci]

I would stay home in a heartbeat! My husband and I are hoping in the next few years to be able to afford for me to stay home at least part time. My son is only 2 months old and it is so hard. I am exhausted all the time because I get up with him at night and then go to work all day. I am not sure if we will have more kids if one of us cannot stay home. Plus I feel an enormous amount of guilt because he was placed for adoption because his first mom could not care for him the way she felt he should be cared for. Now I am handing him off to the baby-sitter to raise. It tears me apart.

[Emster]

We made the mistake when we got married of being selfish, not looking too far into the future, and not keeping a good eye on finances. As a result, we had a mortgage, car payments, loans, etc with little savings, even though we both had fairly good incomes working full time. Here's the thing, we had to work building a family around our lifestyle instead of building our lifestyle around having a family. Does that make sense?? In hindsight, I'm so sad about that.

Yes, we both have good careers and stable income, but we've set ourselves up so that if one of us wanted to quit or go part time, we just would not be able to swing it at all! We both make about the same salary, so one of us quitting would eliminate 1/2 of everything...ouch.

Personally I'd like to find a way to work part time--it would allow me great time with the Woobie and to organize our home, but would give me an outlet to keep my skills sharp and just get out of the house and provide some type of structure for me.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I always thought that I would continue working when I had children. I loved my job. I loved the fast paced environment of broadcasting. I loved the thrill.

But after Nick was born?

The thrill was gone. I still loved my job but my thrills came from watching my Son grow and develop.

We did a lot of rearranging and some fixing of our finances so that I could come home to be with our Son. I do hope to return to the broadcasting world when Nick (or another kid?) is in school. But who knows.

Motherhood changed my priorities and suprised the heck out of me.

[mom2justynsarah]

I have often had this conversation with friends who are SAHM's and fulltime working moms.

I have come to this conclusion. As a mom, you need to figure out what is best for you and your family. I honestly don't think it should be about if you can stay home or have to work. Neither one is right or wrong.

I am a fulltime working mom. I have been working since my son was 3 months old (he is now going to be eight), and my daughter was 3 months old (now she is going to be two.)

I work because I have to. But quite frankly, I think being a SAHM is WAY harder than a working mom. I give SAHM's lots of kudos.

In the end, if mom is happy, so is the rest of the family

[StorkWatcher]

(Excuse me , Em were you writing about me or you????)

Lakin- This is a heated topic. Boy, do people like to debate it! It might be right for some families, wrong for others. I'm really glad to see you didn't pose the question as to which is the best way - but as what would WE do.....

My hubby is a WAHD/SAHD - I'm a full time working away from home mom, and HATE it. We're hopefully working toward changing that. I will happily learn to live on a LOT less income, but right now, my job provides our medical insurance. And that's one thing I don't want to be without, with a child.

If hubby's job came w/ the insurance, I'd be out of here in a heartbeat! (Hoping hubby changes jobs soon so this can happen.....)

[mommieof2cuties]

I am working...was supposed to be parttime but with DCF that has turned into a 40+ hour week, a new nanny...and I still have to come home and do all the things I did when I was stay at home mom My husband and I are talking about how I can stay home, and cut back on stuff.

God Bless,
Summer

[Bonnie S.]

If I didn't have to work, I would still do something at least part-time. I need adult conversation and stimulation. I love my son with all my heart, but I am in the minority that would still work.

[dragonfly1234]

I never thought I would want to be a SAHM. I loved my work and was very successful. But when we began our family my dh and I decided that one of us should stay home. That meant giving up alot of things. We chose to share one car and we stayed in our small house rather than move into a larger home with a larger mortgage. We have learned to live with less, but we are happy.

I have contiuned to work about 8 hours a week because I need that adult conversation and to use my brain. My husband is home with the kids when I am at work which is good for him and the kids. We all get the benifit of one on one time with our kids.

Now this is just what works for us. Doesn't mean that it is for everyone else. It was difficult for me to stop my career in the beginning and I would love to continue my career, however, I LOVE being home for my kids. I wouldn't change my decision for anything.

Michelle

[ilovetwotalk]

As a birthmother who will be placing, I think its great when mothers work outside the home. I will be picking a family where both of the parents work. I feel working outside the home is part of your education and if you work hard you reap your harvest. It teaches your children to work and it teaches them you dont have to depend on anyone. It also gives you something to fall back on in case something happens.

[Fran27]

You know, we could turn the question around... Would current SAHMs go back to work, were they offered a job that would actually make it worth it?

I think the problem goes both ways... There are people out there whose salary wouldn't compensate for the cost of daycare, and would really like to work and be able to offer more to their child. But it's not always that easy.

Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world where we really had the choice of working or not...