[akcskye]

When we met our children, though they've been legally free for 7 months, they had been allowed to see their birth family until about a month before we met them.

The reason given to us is because the children had a very difficult time when they'd return from visits processing everything.

Well, of course, their birth mother made some very poor choices where the kids were concerned which led to their removal...but the kids at first were kind of under the idea that once finalized they could see their birth family again, of which, I've explained to them that they cannot.

That seems to be taken well at this time. I have told them that once they're 18, IF they desire to reunite with some of their birth family, that we will help them find them, and "mediate" for them. They appreciate that.

When we met them, they were in a group home. A baptist one. When they were "cut off" from their birth family, for a month or 2, they were given "visiting families" that would take them and let them come to their homes, etc.

That relationship, I have just disclosed to the children, has been cut off, too. They were more upset about that, but I consider it's because everything was so new.

I explained, which is the truth, that the home did break some serious rules and that the adoption is closed, and that having people like that around could lead to them being found when they should not be.

I have been open and honest with them, but my SW makes it sound like I should not tell them things like this.

When they ask why, I want them to know WHY.

So, am I doing the right thing?

[ajrl]

Kristi:

I am a foster mom and I can understand you telling them things. I know I would. But be very careful. They did form some attachments and you really shouldnt cut them off totally it is not good for them mentally. I would probably allow them to write letters and have phone calls because in the end they will hold it against you. Put a block on your cellphone if you allow them to call. It is so hard for them to be uprooted again and again and then cut off from whomever they might find the slightest bit of attachment. Becareful and read up on RAD... Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have seen that in so many foster kids.

AJ

[akcskye]

Thanks for the reply...I understand about RAD and what you mean...however, these people were not in their lives even as foster parents.

They were people that took them out to eat maybe 8 times over 2 months, expecting a huge role in their lives after the CLOSED adoption, and being very rude and judgemental (again, Baptist home) about us and trying to encourage our children to "not take the first family that comes along".

With this information, what do you think?

Originally Posted by ajrl

Kristi:

I am a foster mom and I can understand you telling them things. I know I would. But be very careful. They did form some attachments and you really shouldnt cut them off totally it is not good for them mentally. I would probably allow them to write letters and have phone calls because in the end they will hold it against you. Put a block on your cellphone if you allow them to call. It is so hard for them to be uprooted again and again and then cut off from whomever they might find the slightest bit of attachment. Becareful and read up on RAD... Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have seen that in so many foster kids.

AJ

[mommieof2cuties]

Not sure what to tell you to do but wanted to tell you I am think about you

God Bless,
Summer