[mking]

In our state, the BParents may not sign TPR until 72hrs after the birth. The baby and BMom will likely be discharged within 48 hrs. For those who adopted at birth, what happened w/ the baby for that "in limbo" time? Our sw mentioned that we could the baby home w/ us and wait on TPR, or the baby could be placed in foster care for that day or two, or the BMom may choose to take the baby w/ her and then the sw would bring the baby to us upon TPR. What happened in your particular case and would you do it differently?

TIA!

[2manyks]

we took the baby home (to a hotel) and held our breaths while we waited for tpr. since everything worked out i am glad i did it that way. but you do put yourself up for a big heartbreak if tpr doesnt happen and you have to give the baby back!

[SL&RL]

In our state it is 48 hours and Pbirthparents sign TPR before or after birth. Our sons birthparents signed months before he was born, so all that had to be done was a trip to the Courthouse with the lawyer after the 48 hour time frame. He was born on a Friday evening and technically they could release her but not the baby on Saturday .....so they made arrangements to keep us all until Monday morning. We had to move to a different floor because the labor and delivery floor was full. The hospital was great with the situation.
Our lawyer gave an option of us all walking out of the hospital on Sat or Sun and she could take him home for a day or two OR we could go to the parking lot and she could hand him over to us. But it REALLY did NOT feel right. So I was so happy how it all turned out.
Not really sure I can make any recommendations of anything different. My stomach turns thinking of those days in the hospital. It is such an uncertain time for everyone. I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks (and I'm only 5'4" and 110). Very stressfull!

[BrandyHagz]

Our sons birthparents signed months before he was born

Wow, what state is this in? From what I've read, only two states 'allow' pre-birth termination, but they do not practice it, due to ethical issues.

[nycfsa]

We also took our son to the hotel after he was discharged from the hospital. They had us sign a form saying we were taking legal custody of him. He was born late on a Monday, birthmom signed on Thursday and went to court the following Wednesday. It was nerve-wracking, but it happened pretty much the way our attorney had told us it would.

[AMom2Two]

We also took our children home and just hoped and prayed that everything would go smooth. I just couldn't bare for someone else to take the child from the hospital. To me, that was the beginning of our journey. Those hospital photo's are so precious. I could never say to the child, I missed that because of my fear. Everything involves risk.

Wishing you good luck on your journey.

[loveajax]

This is a really, really tough time (for everyone). Our SW said that our DD's birth mom was very emotional when she had to leave (she left before DD) and so SW asked if she would prefer that DD go home with her or be placed in temp foster care. She said no. So we took DD home. DD''s ** signed TPR four days later. Our agency (arrggh, don't get me started) waited over another week to get birth dad's TPR (one of the reasons I don't want to use them again -- he wanted to sign, but they were making it so inconvenient for him). So we sort of had 11 days in limbo. I can tell you that if at any time during those 11 days the baby left us, I would have been devastated. But it's true, you have to go on hope and faith (and sheer exhaustion!).Good luck!

[ourdreamcametru]

We brought Castle home and although we were on edge we were pretty sure things would work out. We were told that we could send her to CradleCare but us along with her birthmother decided that it would be best for her to start bonding with her forever family. We would not do a thing different if we had it to do over again.

[mrsdatabits]

For us, DD was born on Friday afternoon and we were there for her birth. It was also DD's bmom's wish that we care for her in the hospital, so we were there with DD from that Friday through Monday afternoon when she was released. DD's bmom was released from the hospital on Sunday, which was the last time we've seen her. On Monday afternoon DD was released into host care with our agency. I got to visit DD at her host family on Tuesday, then Wednesday was my birthday but I didn't see DD because we had a ton of junk going on with our agency (I don't even like to think of that day!), and on Thursday DD's bmom went before a judge to release her rights and we brought DD home on Thursday evening.

[ContactChar]

In my case, dd came home with me from the hospital after TPR was signed, but birthmom had 10 days to change her mind. She revoked consent when dd was 5 days old. It was the hardest thing I have ever endured (am still enduring). Would I have done it differently if I could do it over? No-- I loved having her with me, and will always have those memories. I can't imagine never having known her and being her mom, even for those few days. The only thing I would change is the ending!!

[mking]

Thanks for sharing all your experiences. I'm also wondering about the name of the baby. What will be put on the birth certificate? Will we name the baby or will she and then we change it upon TPR or finalization?

One minute I feel good about our situation and the next I want to run. Is this common? In our conversation last night (PBMom and me), she mentioned something about coming home w/ us from the hospital and staying until TPR. I'm just not wanting all that! I wanted to adopt a baby- not a baby and a momma!

Did any of you have mixed emotions throughout your wait? Did any of you withdraw from a situation that you were uncomfortable w/ and then go on to adopt in a situation where you felt great about it?

TIA!

[mommamarci]

The name is up to the biological mother. She cannot sign away her rights until after birth, so it is her child. Some adoptive families and birth mothers choose a name together and that is what goes on the birth certificate. Some birth mothers name the child knowing it will be changed. That is what happened with us. Cameron was already named, but we are changing it. We use the name we have chosen although that won't actually be his name until we finalize.

As to the bmom coming home with you, if you are not comfortable, tell her now. I know I would have not been okay with that. You need time to bond with the baby and not be walking on eggshells thinking she is still interviewing you. Are you working with an agency? Maybe you can meet with the social worker and the SW can help the two of you work things out.

Good luck!!

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by mking

One minute I feel good about our situation and the next I want to run. Is this common? In our conversation last night (PBMom and me), she mentioned something about coming home w/ us from the hospital and staying until TPR. I'm just not wanting all that! I wanted to adopt a baby- not a baby and a momma!

Will this be an open adoption?

If so....then having the bmom come to your house might not be such a bad idea. It's not like it's unheard of. It might give her peace of mind to know where the child is sleeping and that she did the right thing. It could be good for her. While we did not do this before TPR was done, when both of our children's bmothers came to our home, they both talked of the COMFORT it gave them to see where their child would be sleeping and their room and such. It gave them peace that they made the right decision.

I know you waited a long time and you want your alone time, I get that. That time will definitely come but first, she needs to be at peace that she is making the right decision. You are only talking about what 1 day or so?

How well do you know each other? Do you plan on continued contact or not? As a mom in open adoption, I can tell you those pictures of the BOTH of you together will be priceless for you and your child. It will make thiings easier to explain for you. MY dd, who is 5, loves to look at her lifebook and really get's a kick out of seeing her bmom and I together in her early days. We were both right there, from the start, holding her. It makes her smile.

Good luck....

[loveajax]

Mandi, the birth mother will name the child on the birth certificate (and it may be a different name than the one you decide to use...it can take awhile after finalization to get the second birth cert.).

Please do not take this the wrong way at all, but I just see a few "red flags" here, and I want to make sure that you don't find yourself down the road in a situation that you are not comfortable with. (I noticed that you have a long wait until baby is born.). Now there are some adoption situations with "red flags" that turn out to be OK, and others that seemingly be on a smooth course, that don't, but I just worry that it sounds like you may need to discuss openly what you are and are not comfortable with!! Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer here....Re: your other question, I have had friends who have backed out of situations for various reasons as well as matches that did not work out due to birth parents' choice....all of these friends have subsequently adopted and are very happy!!! You really should listen to and trust your gut! Good luck!

[AMom2Two]

Wow, I missed the long wait part. I should have read her tail end. Baby is not due until Feb.

I agree with lovajax. I do see these as red flags now. You need to be careful!

I assumed you were closer to birth. I'm sorry for my mistake.