[punchkin]

Hi all. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I was sitting here looking at my soon to be 3year old adopted dd. So I was thinking. When she starts school how are we suppose to work out her FAMILY TREE. I'm sure there is going to come a time when she wants as well as needs some answers. We don't know her bmom. Dd has been with us since she was 2 wks old. I'm not sure what I should do in this case. what do all of you think. I know I have a while yet, but I want to be prepared
Thanks in advance.

[SchmennaLeigh]

These are a few ways that I've seen it done:

[txdragonfly]

Gee, that's one I never thought of...that sure will be interesting when the time comes!

Thanks for the diagrams! Will save those for future reference!

[DianeScraps]

Awesome examples Jenna! I had seen the circle before, but the tree is great too!

[SchmennaLeigh]

I personally dig the tree. Cause I'm a tree hugger.

[sanielsen]

Just my opinion, but YOU are her family - your family is hers. So, there shouldn't be anything to decide upon... I am also adopted (I don't know my biological history) and remember working on family trees in elementary school - my teachers always gave me another project and it made me feel as though I didn't belong anywhere.

[manni28]

As an adoptee, I have to agree with the above poster- IMO the afamily is the only family. I wouldn't have liked it if I known as the "adopted kid" in the classroom. Acknowledging the birth family and including them in a family tree project are two different things; sometimes children don’t like to standout.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm not sure why some view it as a negative thing to "stand out." There are things that will cause both of my children to stand out in their classrooms. Instead of keeping it hush-hush and thus attach negative connotations to those things, my Son and I assume my daughter, will be raised to be proud of those things that make them different. That doesn't mean that Tom, Harry or Sally won't make fun of them on x-day for x-thing. Yet my child will be raised with the understanding that different doesn't mean bad. Different is often times good.

It's all in how you view supposedly negative things.

[sugarbabysmommy]

It's great to be able to offer options for the family tree project. There may be times that babe is able to be different, chooses to celebrate those differences, and there may be times when babe just needs to "fit in"... both are ok. I always want to strive to give my child space to express themselves and not run over what they have to say, or what they feel, with my version of things.


Edited to add, here are two book titles I found that might help, both can be found on Tapestry Books:
Educator's Guide to Adoption
Adoption and the Schools: Resources for Parents and Teachers

[punchkin]

Thanks a bunch. I feel better already, lol. I agree by the time she gets in school it will be her choice, and I will support her in whatever that may be
Sanielsen- I agree. From the moment I looked in her eyes and she in mine. I knew I was her mommy forever.
Leigh- Thanks for the examples. They are great. Hope you don't mind but I saved them for later use.

[NJNative]

Originally Posted by punchkin

Thanks a bunch. I feel better already, lol. I agree by the time she gets in school it will be her choice, and I will support her in whatever that may be
Sanielsen- I agree. From the moment I looked in her eyes and she in mine. I knew I was her mommy forever.
Leigh- Thanks for the examples. They are great. Hope you don't mind but I saved them for later use.

You know I have been reading all these posts and thinking -- my son is 16 and he has never had to DO this project. I think it's an old thing that teachers are not doing as often for obvious reasons. Nevermind adopted kids, in this day and age, you'd have kids trying to figure out where to put their second stepfather's half brother's stepkids on their tree!

I wouldn't worry about it, since your child may never have to do this one anyway.

Robin

[loveajax]

My DH who is an adult adoptee does not remember doing this "family tree" project. He does remember the biology class/genetics projects though and saying he used to just make stuff up (which makes me sad to think about!).

[Leigh131313]

That tree is a neat way to do it!

I would probably be inclined to do the trees both ways. That way the child is equipped to decide how they would like to do it. I would certainly discuss with them how they can draw it any way they like, but really it would be their comfort level that matters.

[StorkWatcher]

Adoptive Families magazine has covered this, in the past year I think, with some good ideas on how to change the project or still come up w/ interesting tree ideas. Check out their website - they may have articles about this topic archived.

And some of the books on adoption I"ve read also had ideas (I've always liked the birthfamily as roots idea and adoptive family as above ground parts.)