[txdragonfly]

I was just curious if anyone/everyone had baby showers for their adopted babies...I'm not sure how far in advance you KNOW you're getting the child, but I thought it would be fun to ask.

[missw005]

Hey dragonfly!
I know a lot of aparents wait until the waiting period is up. Although it's scary to think about, the fact is that some bparents change their minds and keep the baby - and in some cases, change their minds after the aparents bring the baby home! Let alone that some aparents don't know the sex of the baby as well.
So many aparents wait until the baby is placed and official papers are signed. I know families that have had to deal with a room full of baby gifts with no baby to use them, which just added to their grief.

In my case - I do special needs/foster care adoption, I've had a "Welcome Home" or "Welcome to our family" party after the child is brought home. This works especially well if you already have a child at home, so they don't feel left out and it's more of a get-together with some quiet gifts but mostly about spending time together and eating some food!!!

I did this for my 2nd son. Unfortunately, when I came home with Q, (J stayed behind with friends), it was just before J's birthday. So we had a "family" birthday party/welcome party........which made everyone happy. The kids got to have a kid birthday party with J, and the adults got to meet Q and spend time with him. It was wonderful and very relaxing and homey.

Sandy

PS - I would be remiss, however, not to say that sometimes nobody throws aparents a baby shower. I don't know why, it's very hurtful and cruel to make aparents feel that their baby isn't the same, or good enough, or whatever as other family members who were thrown a baby shower, or a few baby showers, when they don't get one. Usually friends or other aparents are the ones to do it. I've never understood why some people don't see it as the same - a baby is coming into the family and should be welcomed with joy by family and friends - but honestly, many folks just don't see it that way.
So aparents should be prepared that the joyful reception/celebration they're expecting may not happen. It happens a LOT more than you think.

[mommamarci]

I did. I knew we would not be able to afford to go and buy everything if we got a last minute placement, so my sisters hosted a shower after we were approved and officially waiting. (My agency quoted a 3-6 month wait, so we were confident we would not have to look at everything for too long.) I am so glad we did now because we got the call about my son when he was a week old! I am having a second shower this afternoon actually. My work is throwing one for me in about an hour!! This is nice because I got 0-3 month stuff before and the little piggy has already outgrown it, so now I hope to get 3-6 month stuff!

[HappyTwinsMom]

We were given four (yes FOUR) baby showers - after our daughters were born. We didn't have much warning as we were matched only two weeks before they made their grand entrance - 9 weeks ahead of schedule. Then we spent the first month in the NICU of a hospital 600 miles from home. So, needless to say, there were many, many folks anxious to get a look at our angels once we brought them home.

We were given three huge Rubbermaid tubs full of baby clothes (from newborn to 12 months) by a mom and dad who had adopted twin girls a year before us, so when my sisters threw our first shower, they specified that we didn't need little clothes. We got TONS of diapers - a huge blessing with twins! Let me tell you, you can never have too many diapers!

[txdragonfly]

Wow, Marci! You didn't have to wait long at all! I'm trying not to get my hopes up...but I know that there are quite a few babies put up for adoption around here....lot of teen pregnancies. I hope it will be quick and easy, but won't be detered if it is long and hard. We had tried for 2 years to have a baby, but I don't think my body wanted the same thing. So, here we are!

[redbonec]

We didn't tell anybody until there more certainty, then we told people at our work shortly before she came. Really, we told them because we were moving that week, and wanted to tell them in person. Then, people at my work gave me a surprise shower three days later! It was VERY helpful, as we really had almost nothing, and have used so many of those things. I was so glad too because their excitement helped us to get ready too. I did sometimes wonder what would happen then if we did not bring the baby home.

Now that we are back (four weeks now), we will be having another shower with family and friends next Saturday. Mostly, I am just excited for everyone to meet her!

[DebCsMom]

My family asked about giving us a Shower. We said we wanted to wait until our child was HOME! It was AWESOME!! It wasn't a surprise obviously but it was GREAT! Everyone was able to see our daughter. They were able to buy GIRLY things by waiting until after also.

We didn't want to have it before she came "just in case". Knowing me, I wouldn't have wanted to use some of those shower gifts then when we had another placement. You know what I mean? They may have reminded me of the lost placement.

Deb

[loveajax]

I am very superstitious and refused to have a baby shower (I probably would have done so even if I were pregnant). Something very funny happened -- after DD came home, we were flooded with presents, including from people who never would have been invited to a shower. It was unbelievable. I think friends and families are EXTRA happy when you are blessed by adoption, because they know how hard it has been for you!!!

A lot of my friends have had showers on the theory that they should be able to enjoy the same rites of passage as pregnant women...I think that's a totally legitimate way to look at it too!

Either way, best of luck to you!

[joskids]

OF COURSE you should have a baby shower! Adopting is every bit as exciting and blessed as is giving birth and after all we go through to adopt, why should things be any different? I went to one baby shower for a little girl adopted from China (after she got to the U.S.) The cake was darling!!! It was an airplane with a baby in a sack off the wing (you know, like the stork photos). Too cute!!!!!!!!!!

Josie

[kelceesmom]

Because we had a failed adoption we wanted to wait until we returned home with our baby before we had a shower. And boy did we ever. I had over 65 people who attented my shower. It was very gratifying to know how many people loved us and who went through all of this with us too, be a part of such a wonderful day.

[OnTheJourney]

We are waiting to be matched but have talked a bit about this one...
We plan to have a "welcome" party after the waiting period is over. (10 days here) Our family and freinds are big on parties so they have already planned for that one.
To the people that we have told about adoption, we've instucted them that there is to be abosutely no gifts until after the waiting period. Think it would be easier if there were a revocation. Our circle is pretty big on gift so it had to be said. For this reason, I wouldn't really want a pre-match or pre-placement shower.
Just my opinion.

-M

[StorkWatcher]

We waited until after. I wanted people to know what type of little person to buy for (size/gender/etc) and what we'd need.

For the first week's worth of necessities - my sisters descended with everything we needed the day after we brought him home - it was like having a shower! And my MIL hit the Walmart and was waiting for us when we brought him home.

So we were able to wait until he was a few weeks old (even though I didn't want to "get him out" yet) for the 4 showers people threw for us.

But I DID register a month or two after we completed our homestudy and were on the waiting list. It gave me something to do!

And I think I saw in Adoptive Families Magazine this month that Babies R Us now has a place on their registry to put that you're adopting rather than being forced to pick a pretend due date, which is GREAT.

I spent a few months adding to and changing my registries as I found new things and got advice from others, and I felt like I was really 'getting ready for the baby" that way.

[HBV]

We only had one day's notice between our match and H's birth, and we'd only told people we were adopting on a need to know basis. We'd had just a few basics on hand in case of a quick placement, but I didn't buy much, because I didn't want to look at a fully stocked nursery while I waited. But once we got H home....oh my goodness!!

Within 24 hours of bringing him home from the hospital, we'd gotten 5 flower arrangements, some obscene number of gifts, and family and friends had shown up with the contents of BRU and Target---any babycare item you can think of. One neighbor came by with a rocking chair loaner, another with pacifiers for all (binkies for baby, wine for the grownups.)

I sent announcements out about 2 weeks after we brought H home, which triggered visits from friends or the UPS man bearing gifts almost every day for the next two months. Then, as if that weren't wretched excess enough, we were given 4 showers--one at each of our offices, two more with friends and family. Those are some of our little family's most shiny, happy moments, not just because of the gifts (that's just stuff) but because they signaled to us that our friends and family were as excited about the adoption as we were.

Believe me, I know how lucky we were---I truly wish I had a magic wand to make it the same wonderful experience for every parent that brings a baby home.

[srusse24]

Our families had a shower for us before the baby came home, but I would recommend waiting until after the baby is home and possible after TPR or finalization.

I say this because if something does fall through, not only do you and your husband have to deal with it, but now your family and friends are invested. If something happened and our adoption fell through, I wouldn't want any of the gifts from the shower. Those items were meant for Tyler (our son) and it wouldn't feel right using them if he didn't come home with us.