[caltaylor]

My son came home at 13-months from Guatemala. He is now 22-months old.

I am not sure if the behavior issue is language related, adoption (attachment?) related, or typical behavior for an almost two year old.

When he is told "no" or when he becomes frustrated he will reach out and scratch the person's face. He does this to me quite often, to his dad and sisters sometimes, and has now scratched children at daycare. I try to keep his nails short and tell him to be nice. I tell him that scratching hurts. I say, I know you are angry, but we do not scratch. I am not getting any improvement. (This has been going on for a couple months now). I've also noticed that when we play and he is happy, he will often reach out and scratch me. I do not think he does this to anyone else.

He is saying lots of words and putting together some two word phrases. He seems to understand most of what I say to him. I am not sure if it is frustration with not being able to express himself?

I am wondering if anyone else experienced something similar...any ideas for disciplining? Is he too young for time-out? I've tried that and it does not seem to work either.

Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions would be appreciated.

Coleen

[lisa in venice]

Totally two. My kids were biters scratchers and other horrible things at one and two. It got progrssively better as their language got better but after going to "Mommy and Me" it was comforting to see that other people's kids were just as "demonstrative" about their displeasure.

The onluy tricks we learned was that that level of frustration usually has a physical cause tired hungry etc or the kid is in a situation that they just can't handle (over stimulated by a large group in the playground) or being bullied (little kids are horrible to each other) In the first situation you just need to de-escalate in the other you need to be right in the middle of the kids who are having the problem to negotiate offering them the words to help them along. Sometimes when you have tried everything it is just time to pack up and go home for a nap.

lisa

[mrsdatabits]

Originally Posted by caltaylor

Is he too young for time-out? I've tried that and it does not seem to work either.

Hi... I can't say that I know what to do as my little one is only 5 months old. I did, however, work in a daycare for several years and they did use time-outs with the little ones (about your son's age). It wasn't in the sense of "sit in the corner till I tell you to get up", but was more approched as a way to get the little ones out of the situation where the undesired (in your case, scratching) behavior was going on. It served two purposes this way: 1) if there is an outside cause (over-stimulated, bully, etc like a previous poster mentioned) it removes the child from that stimulus, and 2) gives the child motivation to "shape up" in order to be able to return to the group. Granted, little ones at that age don't have that long an attention span so a long time out wouldn't do them much good. Generally they'd either forget what the "issue" was or just decide to do something else.

I'm reading a book that was recommended by someone here on this site called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan and it talks about using time-outs for 2 through 12 year olds as well as his "tried" method for doing it. I'd recommend this book. One thing the author does say is for the time out to last only as many minutes as your child is old... therefore since your son is 2 the time out would only be 2 minutes long. There's other procedures to follow, so I'd really recommend you check this book out if you think its something you'd like to try. (You mentioned having tried out time-outs and they didn't work... two things the author mentions for why time-outs typically don't work is that the parent(s) talk to much and do the time-out with too much emotion).

[angelkisses0102]

I will say that if you are questioning it...especially by mentioning attachment specifically that there is something your gut is trying to tell you. Trust it. Here is a good site that talks about attachment and internationally adopted kids who were fostered. A4everFamily.org - HOME read thru the site and then see how you feel. Another good resource is Attach-China and if you do end up feeling that attachment is an issue Home is great. Oh and time ins are much more effective in kids who were adopted as older infants and toddlers...time outs will reinforce feelings of insecurity and seperation...not always a good idea.

As the mom of an AD kiddo..I see some red flags in your original post that would lead me to at least question attachment as being part of the issue.

Good luck...

[danhanan]

Definitely two!!! My youngest was a scratcher. In her case it got progressively worse until I started totally separating her from the situation. I put her in my room, on my bed. Didn't like being away from the activities (I do daycare in my home) so once I started using that consistently it didn't take too long to eliminate that behavior.

[caltaylor]

Thank you for your replies. They are quite helpful.

Angelkisses, the A4everfamil.org web-site is great. There is lots of information there.

My son does seem to exhibit some attachment symptoms. He does look me in the eye and does want to be held. But, his separation anxiety seems to be very deep. I have trouble feeding him at home (but he eats well in day care) and he can get very upset over small issues of control...for the last two nights he did not want to take off his shoes before going to bed. He cried big tears, and cried hard over the shoes. So, I left them on until he fell asleep.

I am going to see if I can find some more attachment parenting books. Hopefully, he will grow out of some of these behaviors, but I think I would rather try to address this in case it is more than typical twos! I am also going to get the 1-2-3 Magic book.

Thanks again everyone.

Coleen