[kdibattista]

"D"BIL is never known for his class but something he said was like a jab in the heart. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting because of how emotional this process is or if I am right in being completely livid.

DH and I are in the process of adopting from Kaz. We are making sacrifices in order to do this. One of those sacrifices is selling my husband's truck and downsizing to a much older car which should hopefully give us a good portion of the costs.

Well, I have heard through the grapevine that BIL made comments twice about us "buying a baby". Now, I know this was not "taken out of context" or "him just being ignorant" about adoption as I said, he has no class.

Now, what makes this even more upsetting is that my MIL was sitting there both times and never said a word. The person who told me said they did "inform" him as to how insensitive it was.

Just curious if I'm being overly emotional or not

[ContactChar]

No- you're not being overly emotional. Your BIL's comment stung because (1) he's family-- someone who should be supportive, and should know better, (2) MIL, someone who REALLY should know better didn't step up to the plate either, and (3) as an adopting parent, we all struggle with the idea of how much it all costs, and sometimes question for ourselves why it is not "buying a baby." The last part is the worst, because comments like BIL's rip off the thin layer of comfort that we've been able to develop.

Let me tell you why I no longer believe I'm "buying" a baby (at least no more than anyone else does). It would cost thousands of dollars for me to have a bio child-- considering prenatal care, hospital bills, etc. The fact that a third party (insurance) would pick up the majority of the bill does not negate the fact that SOMEONE paid thousands of dollars. In addition, if my bio child were overseas, I would pay whatever I needed in travel fees, intergovernment facilitation fees, etc. to bring my child home. As long as that child is my bio child, no one would consider me to have "bought" a baby. The fact that my child did not grow inside of me makes no difference as far as I'm concerned. I'm paying what I need to pay in order to bring my child home.

HTH

Char

[kidmd2b]

You have the right to be sensitive because it is an emotional subject. I would try to brush it off and not get to embroiled in a battle at this point. I would let the individual know how hurtful that kind of a statement is to you and your wishes that it isn't put in that context from here on out for the wellbeing of the future baby. The money pays for dealing with the paperwork (visas etc.) for two governments, travel and money that helps maintain the orphanage which can be seen as a donation. You may never be able to explain why it isn't buying a baby when the cost can be so much more than biological birth in the minds of others. In this case I would probably question why people don't say that a woman or man buys their bride or groom. My wedding cost more than my adoption will. I have also seen people spend more than three times on a wedding than an adoption. No one has ever said that I bought my husband or my husband bought me.
Good luck,
Cindy

[kdibattista]

Thanks to you both for putting it into perspective for me... I truly appreciate the support

[patti Daniels]

I do not think you are being emotional. I would talk to the people that say things that are not appropriate. Explain to them that it hurts.

[mom2justynsarah]

No, your not being too sensitive. Unfortunately some people just have no class. In addition, you are probably going to hear more insentive comments from people. So you need to grow a mighty thick skin.

Best of luck!
Julie

[Fran27]

I agree also that you're not insensitive - but keep in mind that those comments are just from lack of education. Frankly, I could totally see how people think we are 'buying a baby', especially when you end up paying living expenses. It's a very thin line sometimes.

[intladoptionblog]

Maybe if your BIL thinks you can buy a baby, you can convince the moron that you've sold him. That might get rid of him!