[mking]

Hi all! We have been chosen by a potential birthmom, which is so wonderful and we are so excited! But, she's only 19 wks along in the pregnancy. Is this common? She is a mature woman, 27yo, w/ 2 other children. She says she's sure about the adoption plan. What are your experiences? It seems so early and I'm terrified that she will change her mind.

Thanks,
Mandi

[d'smom]

Hi Mandi,

Your post took me completly off guard because that is about what our pbmom is (wks, age & children) please tell me she is not from Oklahoma. I also see you are from MS, me too. What part?

Tracey

[mking]

Breathe, Tracey. She is not from OK!! That would be really bad, though! She is from MS. I am in the JXN area, where are you? So, since you're in the same boat as I, how do you feel about it? It's a positive that she has already made up her mind and wants a plan? Or it's a negative b/c it gives her a lot of time to think and change her mind?

[HappyTwinsMom]

We were officially matched at 29 weeks, although we knew *about* the expectant mom at about 21-22 weeks. That was when she contacted the agency and started seriously considering the option of placing the babies. The girls were born at 31 weeks, so our match was pretty short. Their birthmom was 19 at the time and had a 9-month-old daughter she was parenting.

[d'smom]

Whew!! I thought that would just be my luck. We are in Meridian. I was nervous and we have only been matched 3 weeks so there is still a long road ahead. It is an independent adoption through and atty in OK, meaning if she changes her mind we are out of luck(with money matters). At this point we have waited so long we are willing to take this RISK. The social worker says she is confident. We began with an agency in UT in May 2005 ( was suppose to be a short wait time). You see that did not happen. Are you using an agency?

Tracey

[DebCsMom]

With our first we were matched at 36 weeks but she was dilated to 2cm already. BUT, our DD waited it out for 5 more weeks. With our 2nd we matched at 39 weeks. We found out about her on a Wednesday & she was born the following Thursday. With our DS we were submitted at 35 weeks. We were chosen at 37 weeks.

Being matched sometimes does work. You can never tell.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Deb

[loveajax]

I think DD's birth mom was about 34 weeks when we were matched.

This is totally YOUR decision (obviously). The benefits for you to being matched early are the time you have to prepare, etc. The drawbacks for you are that you are taking a couple of risks...financial, for one, and also, if you are not being shown for other situations, etc. I can only comment on two friends' situations that I know of with early matches like this: (1) placement happened; and (2) placement didn't happen. (See, I bet that was helpful!). I truly believe that you will know "in your gut" whether this is the right situation or not. GOOD LUCK!!!

[SchmennaLeigh]

I was in the mid-twenty-week range when I contacted the agency... we matched before 29 weeks when I went into preterm labor. That's all I really remember.

[srusse24]

We were matched at about 27-28 weeks. It felt like an eternity though. I don't think I could have handled a match much longer than that.

[loveajax]

Srusse, I am on another adoptive moms' support group and I felt so bad when these women were WAITING for matches that I didn't want to tell them how excrutiating the match-placement period was!! It's really hard!

[jaenelle]

Our agency doesn't match anyone before 7 months, and from what I understand, 8 or 8 1/2 is much more common. They have an extremely low failed match rate, which is good for the adoptive parents, obviously, and they do VERY thorough counseling and truly do help expectant moms decide if adoption is best for them. They seem to see no reason to match if it's likely just to fail anyway.

[tondy24]

We were first in contact with our bmom when she was 19 weeks along and we matched at 22 weeks! At the time I thought I would hate such a long wait, but it turned out to be so great to get to hear about so much of her pregnancy and even attend an ultrasound. Good luck!

[Emster]

Woobie's first mother contacted us through the agency with a month left in her pregnancy and chose us for sure a week later. Only three weeks of waiting...I think there are positive and negative aspects of a short match period as well as with a long match period.

[srusse24]

Originally Posted by Emster

I think there are positive and negative aspects of a short match period as well as with a long match period.

I agree because although the match-placement wait was tough, I enjoyed going to the ultrasound and to doc appointments.

[mking]

Thank you all so much for your helpful comments! It's really made me feel a little better- even my butterflies are calming down! We will meet w/ our sw this Wed. to discuss details and to set up a time to meet w/ the birthfamily. I'm sure we'll know if it's right. She actually has an OB appt. Wed. to find out the sex of the baby and asked if I could go w/ her, but the sw said no. I would love to be there, but I'm sure the sw knows what's best for all involved.

Thanks again to you all!!

Mandi