[Hollygirl]

Wow...when it rains it pours...

Of course, this is really nothing for me to get excited about but I have to consider all options that come before me.

My friend called me this afternoon and told me to call another friend of ours who works for a lawyer's office. She know of a 80 year old woman who is raising her 4 year old granddaughter. The parents are out of the picture right now and the grandmother says that she is too old to do it anymore. She wants to find a good home for the little girl before she starts school next fall.

What are questions that I should ask? Should I be concerned about adopting an older child? What possible issues could I face. Many months ago I was approached about adopting a 13 year old and I decided that was not a good option. I wonder if a four year old would be easier to bond with than a 13 year old.

Any input from you ladies would be appreciated. I need the voice of knowledge right know.

[allanacw]

Our daughter was four, turning 5 a few months later, when she came to live with us two years ago. It was a foster to adopt placement through CAS. We met her doing foster relief.

In hindsight, we had a couple of rough months around testing and her mourning the loss of her foster family. At the time we were new parents and didn't quite understand how difficult it was! Leaving her foster family was really hard on her...she had been with them for 3 years. She tested us in every way possible.

I was very, very glad to have the support of our workers behind us. They understood her and her background, so if I called with an issue or gave an update at a plan of care they knew if it was unusual behaviour for her or standard.

My tips, if you were to go ahead:
-go into it with your eyes open around the adjustment period. She may not call you Mommy for months (Shawntay came in Sept. and didn't call us Mommy and Daddy until January, and then it wasn't consistent), she may lash out and direct all her anger at you, or the reaction could be delayed. Then again, it could be fine!
-get as much information on her background, including biological family, ASAP before making a decision. Because she isn't in the system this may be harder to get...but could also be easier!
-you've probably already done this, but my number one tip for people considering an older child adoption is to consider behaviours/special needs outside the context of specific placements. We had a list we went through and researched to know what we could handle and what we couldn't. It meant when looking at different options we (specifically me!) weren't clouded by the desire to become parents but had some knowledge behind us to make less of an emotional decision. I'm awful for that!

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! My daughter was considered hard to place and a challenge, but we've never regretted our decision. Her big personality may come with some challenges, but also with so many joys!

Best of luck,

Allana

[dadfor2]

my younger son came to us at 4 yrs old, and we did have our rough spots, and still do. He is so alive and is very attached....I think..

allana
Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! My daughter was considered hard to place and a challenge, but we've never regretted our decision. Her big personality may come with some challenges, but also with so many joys!

i coudlnt agree more...

[WLD]

my son came to me shortly after turning 5 from an extended family member. He started calling us mom and dad within a few weeks. He's very attached and you would never know that he wasn't born into our family. I think alot depends on the individual child and what situation they come out of. Some have a lot of problems, some don't. I'm extremely blessed!