[Linny]

Throwing in my hat here. We never went the pregnancy route, and never even tried to get pg. Therefore, the IVF stuff isn't part of our vocabulary (not offending anyone here, just making fact about us).
I don't mind when people vent about the pgncy stuff, because it's kinda like when someone and everyone gets a cold. Some will complain about minor symptoms, others won't say a word and deal with horrible, major symptoms, KWIM?

But, when the OP spoke of this blog, I thought about the new mommas who wait for months (and sometimes years) to have their babies....only to COMPLAIN that 'this role isn't fulfilling' and they immediately find daycare for the newborn?!?!?!?!?!?

Now I'm NOT talking about the couples who must work in order to pay bills, in order to exist, okay?

I'm talking about those new parents who bash and complain that mother and daddyhood just aren't what they wanted, that it's just 'too boring' etc, and they MUST find a FULL time job to keep them feeling 'good'.

Again, I'm not talking about people who are undergoing PPD; I'm talking about those women/men who weren't expecting that having babies would take the focus off of themselves and make them have to deal with something/someone OTHER than their own wants and needs! Pregnancy or adoption......I just don't feel it's fair to the baby, period.

This may not be a popular opinion to younger folks (I"m 49)....but I just can't see waiting and paying and going through all of the pain of wanting a child SO badly and SO long, only to hand them to someone else to raise----JUST because the new parents are BORED!?!?!?!?

Just doesn't sit well with me....

Sincerely,

Linny

[Oliver1]

While I am one of those "have to work to pay the bills" moms, I have to say that I would work even if I didn't "have" to. I love my job. It fulfills me and charges me in ways that being a mother doesn't. It doesn't make me a bad mother or an uncaring person. It might make me selfish, I guess, to indulge my need to be fulfilled in ways other than motherhood, but I'm at peace with that. I feel if I'm happy and fulfilled, my children can only benefit from having a happy, fulfilled mom who values family time rather than a mom who is there because that's what she feels she must do otherwise she's a bad person. KWIM?

Although, I think that's probably different than someone saying "I need to work because my newborn child bores me." I think???

Doesn't mean that I don't ever complain about my job OR the hardships of parenthood though!!! I've done my fair share of both and boy, some days it feels so good. I think what others have said is right - complaining every so often about it all is one thing - CONSTANTLY complaining about everything is quite another. Either make a change or get help. People lose the right to complain incessantly if they aren't doing anything to try to make it better.

Also, I always have to remember what may look like my friend/neighbor/family's *perfect*, *no-reason-to-complain* pregnancy/family/job/homelife, to me is only what I am seeing on the surface, or what they choose to reveal. Not everything on the surface is what it appears...

[Fran27]

Polkadotghost, just wanted to say that I totally agree also. But it's my general opinion about everything related to depression. Too many people just don't get it and are too fast sorting you in the 'annoying' or 'mentally ill' group (that was came to me from one of the guys I considered a real friend). That's for port-partum or any other kind of depression really.

Linny, I agree, I don't get it either. To put it mildly, IMO some people should just not have children.

[momraine]

For me, I am one of those people who try to look at things positively. Here is what helps me to not get so annoyed that the complainers. If they are friends or relatives, I take it as a compliment that they trust me enough to vent to me. I don't assume that because they are doing it with me (or even with a few others I know about) that they are doing it to everyone. I made that mistake once, only to find out a lady I knew was only telling me, because she thought I would be understanding because I was her daughter's youth director. I thought she was just a complainer, I didn't know her well at all, and so thought she was like that to everyone. I made a light joking comment to a friend of hers about it, and her friend was shocked, said she never ever heard that woman complain. Later I got a nice letter from the woman thanking me for listening, she said I was the only one she felt she could talk to about her problems and knew I would be understanding because I worked in the church. So I just take it as a compliment anytime someone wants to vent to me. if it's a stranger, I assume they must just be having one heck of a bad day. If it's my one sister, I know that she is not happy unless she is miserable, that's just how she is. So I just change the subject. LOL, It's made my life better, all I had to do was change my attitude. Oh and blogs I consider like a diary, it's representitive of who the person was feeling when they wrote it, and all feelings are valid and we all have those feelings, we just don't all have them in print for the world to see! Some of us are more private and some are more open. Those open people tend to share the good and the bad.