[bagletkt]

I have been reading alot of posts in other threads about how horrible and insensitive some SW's have been to aparents and bmoms. So I am wondering what your experiences were like?

My SW was wonderful. We experienced a failed match and I went to talk to her because I felt I needed some answers. I showed up at the agency without an appointment and she and I and the birth parent coordinator sat down and had a long talk. The bmom SW even got a little teary when we talked about the bmom (she had stopped all contact so they could not even help her parent). She felt she had failed her in some way. It made me feel good to know that it was okay fpr me to greive. I have always felt I could talk openly with everyone in my agency.

[loveajax]

Katie, that is AWESOME...hang on to this agency and these SWs for dear life! I did not have a similar experience, but thankfully the agency led me to my daughter, and for that (at least) I am eternally grateful!

[bajj]

The sw I worked with is great! I called the other day to ask ?s about my 5 year old and she spent a long time just going over things with me. She even said he can come in and talk to her sometime if he wants to.

I'm glad we were blessed with a great agency who has great SWs for both of our adoptions!

[MommyBear]

1st agency SW = HORRIBLE She was humorless, dour, bland and rigid. We believe that she decided early on that because of the mistakes my parents made in parenting me - which I am not only completely aware of but have reconciled myself with, moved past and know what NOT to do and have filled my life with supportive parenting role models - that I was not fit to be a parent. (Note - I was not abused or in any danger, simply neglected while my parents fulfilled their dreams - I always had food and a roof over my head and always knew that my parents loved me, even though as a young child I knew they made mistakes. But I am NOT my parents) This was not based at ALL on who I am today, only the assumption that I MUST be screwed up and am hiding it.

I spoke with MANY social services and mental health professionals afterward and all disagreed 100% with her evaluation and were truly horrifed at how I was treated by that agency. I have reference letters to attest to that.

2nd agency SW = wonderful She's sweet, friendly, open (and adoptive parent herself) and seems to come to us with no preconceived notions.

Unfortunately, because we have to divulge all previous agencies, that original SW's nastiness plagues us to this day.

My advice to potential aparents- have an upfront discussion with your agency about who your SW will be. And don't make the HUGE mistake that we did - we allowed them to drag us along for over 6 months getting paperwork done before they would even assign us with an SW - and less than 2 months later it all came to a crashing halt. Insist that you MEET your SW before you invest all of that time and emotion in the process. These people have your LIFE in their hands - and trusting that to just anyone is foolish.

If I had chosen the agency I am working with now, I would already be a parent. But because of the lingering effects of that nightmare of and SW, we are still in limbo.

[kelceesmom]

Our SW was good. She seemed to enjoy what she did. She didn't do our homestudy and I liked our SW who did that even more. There are still those out there who believe in the children and hopefully everyone finds someone like that.

[tyiakoum]

Our SW: Fabuloso. Very compassionate. Insightful. Wise. Pro-pregnant women and their family.

Always there when we need a shoulder, either via email or phone.

Super responsive on all fronts. I could not have asked for a better homestudy experience (very fast, it took like 3 visits, plus a home visit, done w/in a month or so. Would have been faster but she went on vacation for a week in between the 3rd visit and the home visit).

Gave us feedback during the homevisit that was awesome.

Has monthly meetings w/all the waiting families so we know what is going on w/the agency and if any of our fellow families have been placed.

[HBV]

Both our coordinator and our SW were great---very insightful, very helpful to us and to H's bmom. Both amoms themselves in open relationships, so they were excellent resources for us to understand how open adoptions work.

[CanMomEh]

Great post idea But i think you might still hear the same. I haven;t even had my first "interview" with her and she has already pigeonhole dh and I.
the facts about us:
I am young (28), i was abused as a child (i think that made it to my file - the intake sw took alot of notes just to put me on a waiting list to get homestudy and she refered me to her therapist 1hr away from where i live) DH is a truck driver and is not 100% on board with adopting but is ready to do training. so she is assuming that no older child will suit us and that our relation ship is not stable (because dh is a truckdriver) trying to keep positive but it's not looking too good. i have the name of the manger of the Childrens Aid Society and i think i might have to keep it close in hand if after our first interview i see that she has just dismissed us completely because we are not convential.

[missw005]

Good thread, Katie!

I'm a foster parent AND an adoptive parent, so I have several workers.

My foster care worker is GREAT! I wish she was my adoptive SW. She's really down to earth, we get along really well, and she has a lot of common sense.

NOT true with my adoptive worker. I've had 3 in the last 11+ years. My first was good, a lot of fun, but honestly was not "connected" enough in the special needs/adoption from the foster care world. She had switched from another type of adoption, and just didn't have the connections to help me out. Great lady, though.
Then I moved and had to start over at another agency. My first worker at that agency was an older woman, and seemed empathetic but again without connections. She also seemed bored with her job. That would bite me in the butt later, which I'll tell you about in just a sec. My second (and current worker) at my agency is a stinker. She prefers international adoption, and is an international adoptive parent herself. She also likes infant/domestic adoption, but OF COURSE, does NOT like special needs/foster care adoption. She is aloof, unsympathetic and honestly seems to have NO understanding of the frustration and heartbreak that waiting families go through. I wish to God I could change workers, but she is the only worker at our regional office. (Main office is 4+ hours away). And, as I've already paid half the fees, I can't financially afford to walk away. So I'm stuck with her until I get a placement.
She is irritated that I know more about special needs adoption and have quite a few contacts on my own. Which is funny since she and her supervisor asked me to help write a guide to help other special needs families at our agency! She never admits when she is wrong and can be quite verbally nasty and condescending to me. It's very frustrating.
You'd think that she'd want to be rid of me. Like I've always said, "once I have a placement, I'm out of here!" And she knows it. Ugh.

~~~
Here's my "SW bored with her job" story.
I had traveled to Newark in September 2001 to pick up my son J. I flew in on September 10th. Of course, as you all know, the worst imaginable happened the very next morning, as I watched from the roof of my hotel. I watched as the 2nd plane hit, the towers burned and then fell to the ground. It was horrible.
Worse yet, my J was still at his foster home. Unfortunately, his workers were caught up in the 9/11 tragedy - family members had died - and were unavailable to get him to me. I did get to see him for a half hour or so a day or two later, when it became apparent that the attacks were over.
I was lucky, and hadn't given up my hotel room yet. I'd also rented a car, stupidly thinking I could drive around myself , which was sitting in the hotel garage. All I needed was to get J and drive back home, as my family could not find a train or bus ticket anywhere for me to return to MN.
But when I tried to arrange for J to leave with me, I discovered a HUGE error. My SW had NOT sent the right paperwork. Phone service was spotty at best, and I tried for two days to contact her. By the second night I was panicking, and my family was screaming at me to just forget J and drive home, possibly to pick him up later.
Well, hells bells, nobody knew what was going to happen. It could have been the start of WWIII, and I sure as heck wasn't going to leave him there!!!
Finally that night, she called, but before I could explain what was going wrong, she told me that she decided that she was having a midlife crisis and she needed a change in her life and had decided to become a psychotherapist. So she quit.
I said, "Are you f***ing kidding me? I watched the towers fall from my g***amn hotel, and you're having a Life Crisis?????????? HELLO!!!!!!!!"
Then of course, the phone lines died and I sat there in shock.
So the next morning, I called the main office of my adoption agency and asked to speak to the director. The receptionist said he was busy in a meeting. I told her where I was and how I'd watched the towers fall, then she said, "Ohhhhhhhhhh. Hold on." I was patched into a staff meeting and put on speakerphone. I told them who I was and where I was and that my lovely SW had quit.
Yah.........well it turns out she hadn't quite called the director to tell him that.
It got really quiet and I panicked, thinking the phone line had died again. But then I heard the director take a deep breath, and start issuing orders to the workers around the room for them to get the paperwork done and faxed out to me ASAP.

J and I were able to drive home two days later. Yah.........with an 11-page set of directions from MapQuest my mom had faxed me as there weren't any maps or atlases left. I rode from NJ across the US to MN, holding up this stapled packet of directions, I am such a dork. The important part was obviously J and I arriving home safely, almost a week later.

For pete's sake.

As for most adoption workers............I think I have a different perspective from most domestic and international folks. I believe a big part of it is money, to be honest. The fees (and yes, we do have to pay fees, contrary to popular belief) we pay are a lot lower than infant and international adoption, so I think we're just not as high on the priority list.

But the kids' adoption workers aren't much better. A big part of it is them being overwhelmed with just too many dang cases, which is bad, but easy to forget when you're trying your hardest to bring your child home and the workers are too busy to make decisions and get necessary paperwork in.

Honestly, I think even with interviewing workers and agencies, it's just the luck of the draw. Agencies and workers can be sweet as pie when they're trying to sign you up and take your money for a homestudy - but the true test is after that, when the hard work starts.
It's just too centered on money and NOT centered on finding the best families for kids, as quick as possible. The system is broken and we all know it.

I'm just glad to hear that some folks had a lot more positive experience than I had.

Sandy

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

LOVED all but 1...and he was new and had NO idea what he was doing. To this day we could walk into the DSHS office and he wouldn't know us from Adam. BUT, with the boys so close together, they kept the cases together with the same workers. We have the BEST experience with our permanency and adoption workers. I LOVE them and was brought to tears when I real the documents submitted to the court in favor of our being the adoptive family in both cases. We are fortunate to be in the foster system and have such a great experience as I understand that it is not always the case.

[tinatyme]

We have also loved our social workers. We have had 7 in the last two years because each of our children were assigned to a different one. Now that our two oldest are almost adopted (Yea!) we have one adoption worker who we adore and the children love. I will be sad to stop working with him as he has always tried to be responsive to our needs and explain the process to us as we go along.

We have moved out of that county so if we get to adopt our baby boy then we will have another adoption worker. Hopefully they will be just as good.
Our experience with foster care has been fabulous but I have heard many horror stories from my friends who are foster/adoptive parents in other states and those who are in the process of international adoption. I guess it is the luck of the draw.

[tinatyme]

We have also loved our social workers. We have had 7 in the last two years because each of our children were assigned to a different one. Now that our two oldest are almost adopted (Yea!) we have one adoption worker who we adore and the children love. I will be sad to stop working with him as he has always tried to be responsive to our needs and explain the process to us as we go along.

We have moved out of that county so if we get to adopt our baby boy then we will have another adoption worker. Hopefully they will be just as good.
Our experience with foster care has been fabulous but I have heard many horror stories from my friends who are foster/adoptive parents in other states and those who are in the process of international adoption. I guess it is the luck of the draw.

[awaitingagirl]

Mine is wonderful. She is the same for 1st adoption and update for 2nd. very down to earth. Very laid back. We talk thru email, phone, even after the adoption was final. she lives close to us. I couldnt have asked for a better SW. The agency she contracts with however, a different story!