[KarynB]

Hm..interesting...will have to check it out...so, what are the benefits? I guess it saves money (unless you have to keep shampooing your rugs)...and is way less pollution...but does it mean you have to hold and or stare at you baby all day/night? I've heard of this in developing countries where moms have baby strapped to their backs all day all then can feel them wiggle when they have to go, so they just unstrap them and hold them out....but unsure of how it would work in a North American context....

[familyforever]

This thread cracks me up!

I especially like the comments about being so lucky because I didn't have to go through any pain to get my babies here.

I like the one about being so lucky I don't have to wear maternity clothes.

I also love it when I spend 3 hours at a time hearing my SILs complain about pregnancy and every ten minutes or so they feel the need to include me by telling me how "lucky" I am.

[thornbird]

We've been really lucky in that everyone in our lives has been really supportive of our plans to adopt.

But...if I hear one more time about someone's best friend's college roommate's younger sister who thought she couldn't get pregnant & then did just as soon as the adoption was final, someone will get hurt.

My grandmother's told me that one a few times. And then my dad did, too - but just because he'd overheard my grandmother tell it twice in the same afternoon & thought it was funny.

I'm waiting on the "You did it the easy way" comment from one of my dad's clueless sisters. I'm not quite sure what the proper response is, but I'm fairly certain it's got something to do with acknowledging that years of infertility treatments, injections, invasive procedures, & miscarriage topped off with an in-depth study of our lives done so that someone else could determine whether we were fit to be parents & then another wait until someone decided we were the people she wanted to parent her baby is certainly easier than...having sex. </sarcasm>

[Vogi2002]

Originally Posted by thornbird

I'm waiting on the "You did it the easy way" comment from one of my dad's clueless sisters. I'm not quite sure what the proper response is, but I'm fairly certain it's got something to do with acknowledging that years of infertility treatments, injections, invasive procedures, & miscarriage topped off with an in-depth study of our lives done so that someone else could determine whether we were fit to be parents & then another wait until someone decided we were the people she wanted to parent her baby is certainly easier than...having sex. </sarcasm>

*giggles* hehehe, LOVED this comment!!!

[PetDragon]

My personal melt down...

Why would you want to raise someone elses child? You know you'll never love them as much as their real parents.

Ok... now I'm sure we ALL see things inherently wrong with this statement. Made to me by a friend who is in the first year of her first babies life. And she just knows that no one could posibly love a child that much if they didn't give birth.

My answer part 1.
You do realize that I'm adopted, that my Mom didn't give birth to me either and I can say honestly, if I ever meet my Birth Parents while they may have given birth, they are not my Mom and Dad.

Responce 1.
Oh you poor thing! You don't even know your real parents??

Answer 2. (getting seriously annoyed now)
I understand, you are seious and not trying to get on my nerves, so let me try this approach, your the same girl who completely FREAKED out when you found out your husband ordered a personal toy and decided HE was a pervert. And being all of 21 years old your the expert on all thing. But I'm going to say it again, my Mom and Dad ARE my REAL parents.

Responce 2
There's no reason you should be getting upset and picking on me, it's not my fault your real Mom didn't want you.

Answer 3. (stunned and very calm in fact ready to laugh)

It's been an interesting adventure knowing you, and I hope one day to see how you turn out after you grow up. Bye.

Now yes, I did loose contact with someone I thought of as a friend, and whom I enjoyed talking with. But bottom line, she really just doesn't get it on a lot of subjects. And for me at least, the friendship we had is not worth even a minute more if there is anyway ever that she may get a chance to spread her venom to my child one day.

[Fran27]

Ouch!!!! What an idiot!!! Gotta love those uneducated egocentric people. Sorry you had to deal with that, but not a big loss!!!

[CanMomEh]

MIL replied " better that way - you don't know what kind of mess you would have gotten that way"
she was so supportive before. Is that supposed to help? It doesn't.

But on the happeir side.... DH is now on board - all thw way - for infant. I think he knows i'm going to be a mom some day - so he would prefer infant (open adoption) He just could not go through the heartache of dealing with children with past issues because CAS screwed them up (his words) .
It's what i wanted anyways - don;t know why we had to take this painfull detour. But we are no further behind. we have maintained our standing on the list so we should be up for home study in June 07. Now just spend next months focusing on us and our 10th wedding anniversary. Also going to put him through baby boot camp. My DS is due in Dec and SIL is due March. not going to let him squirm out of holding them this time.

[LydiaH]

I just had to share my experiences this weekend. I was at an event that my mom and her friends were in charge of putting on, and as I talked to each of the ladies, they all said how happy there were for DH and I that we were adopting, and I got the standard "You know you'll get prenant now!" from every one of them. I immediately turned and said, "Really? Because I didn't realize that adoption was a cure for PCOS." I've never had the nerve to be snippy to someone's face, but that felt so good.

The thing that REALLY got my goat was last night. We were talking with a friend of DH's and she kept asking us about the inferility, said that I should get a clearblue monitor because that's what she did and was pregnant within a month. Wow, how nice for you! She goes on to say how she can totally sympathise for someone who's dealing with infertility because it took her a couple of months to get pregnant and she got scared that she wouldn't be able to. Hmm, try a couple of years honey! Then come back and talk to me, ok? Then after I layed out everything in extreme detail of all that I've been through with the doctors and medications and the stress to my marriage and everything else we've endured in our journey to parenthood, she finally starts talking about surrogacy. "Well I've thought about being a surrogate. Have you thought about doing that?" After she told us how her pregnancy was so incredibly difficult none the less. So I really tried to be polite when explaining to her the process that would entail and the money it would take and everything else as to why we're not willing to go that route. For the next 10 minutes, she kept trying to tell us how she'd love to carry our baby. Seriously! The idea is a nice one, and I'm sure she meant well, but it came down to the point where I was clearly uncomfortable and had to bluntly ask to change the conversation. Which of course she then brought back up 2 more times within an hour. Grrrr!!!!

[mommamarci]

Originally Posted by LydiaH

Then after I layed out everything in extreme detail of all that I've been through with the doctors and medications and the stress to my marriage and everything else we've endured in our journey to parenthood, she finally starts talking about surrogacy. "Well I've thought about being a surrogate. Have you thought about doing that?" After she told us how her pregnancy was so incredibly difficult none the less. So I really tried to be polite when explaining to her the process that would entail and the money it would take and everything else as to why we're not willing to go that route. For the next 10 minutes, she kept trying to tell us how she'd love to carry our baby. Seriously! The idea is a nice one, and I'm sure she meant well, but it came down to the point where I was clearly uncomfortable and had to bluntly ask to change the conversation. Which of course she then brought back up 2 more times within an hour. Grrrr!!!!

I (kind of) experienced this as well. I have one cousin who really wants another baby, but she and her husband have decided they cannot have another. She decided the next best thing would be to have one for me. She never said anything to me, but told every member of our fmaily. I could not talk to any of them without them telling me that P wanted to carry a baby for me. Her last pregnancy was not easy. She spent about 3 months on bed rest and had some permanent kidney damage. I would not be able to live with myself if she was injured trying to carry 'my baby.' Some people...

[CanMomEh]

WOW - HOW HORRIBLE - I KNOW I HAD TO BITE MY LIP WHEN A FRIEND OF MINE WAS TELLING ME HOW UNFAIR IT WAS FOR DH AND I to have to go through the whole adoption thing and she and her husband had only to go of BC and voila - and they are no where near prepared. I wanted to tell her to let me and DH adopt = but I didn't. Her hubband sent me an email after we got denied olderchild training and he said if there was ANYTHING (his caps not mine) they could do for us.... "well now that you mention it.." i haven;t said it yet but it is on the tip of my tongue. Let us have this one and you guys can be really ready and save up for the next one, DH doesn;t want to say that to them. I know he could handle it = she might go off the deep end.

[LydiaH]

Originally Posted by mommamarci

I (kind of) experienced this as well. I have one cousin who really wants another baby, but she and her husband have decided they cannot have another. She decided the next best thing would be to have one for me. She never said anything to me, but told every member of our fmaily. I could not talk to any of them without them telling me that P wanted to carry a baby for me. Her last pregnancy was not easy. She spent about 3 months on bed rest and had some permanent kidney damage. I would not be able to live with myself if she was injured trying to carry 'my baby.' Some people...

OMG! I can't believe she would say that to the fam and not to you! Sounds very very strange. I totally agree though on the damage it can do to another woman, what if the unthinkable happened, right? Of course this is the very first person I've ran into who told me that adoption is cruel and didn't understand why we'd want to do that to a child. Um, you mean give a child a home? Yeah, how could we!

[Mommajanet2006]

Well now don't dispair, those rude inconsiderate people will be there after the adoption too! You will learn who your real friends are and who really needs some Ms. Manners.

Get ready for: Well what's wrong with him?

Telling everyone youR B've never met nor want to that your children are adopted upon being introduced.

And my all time favorite, my kids can play with your kid until we know their whole family back ground.

BECAUSE IT'S THEIR BUSINESS????
Good Luck!

[NJNative]

Originally Posted by Mommajanet2006

Well now don't dispair, those rude inconsiderate people will be there after the adoption too! You will learn who your real friends are and who really needs some Ms. Manners.

Get ready for: Well what's wrong with him?

Telling everyone youR B've never met nor want to that your children are adopted upon being introduced.

And my all time favorite, my kids can play with your kid until we know their whole family back ground.

BECAUSE IT'S THEIR BUSINESS????
Good Luck!

Oh yes, they are definitely there after adoption, too. The best was the person who said to my mom, upon hearing she was my sister-in-law was expecting a baby, "Oh how exciting, your FIRST grandchild." Mind you, my son was 3 at the time. So my mom said "Huh? This will be my second grandchild. J is my first." The person replied, "Oh but this is DIFFERENT -- this one is BLOOD!"

I think his ears might have stopped ringing in a week or two, after my mom was finished with him. That was her grandson, the PRINCE, he was talking about!

Also the very close relative by marriage who said, just before we were going to pick up our son, "What if we don't like this baby?" My mom was there this time, too, and she replied, "What if he doesn't like YOU?"

People really ought to THINK before they speak.

Robin

[KarynB]

Post adoption rudeness:

"How much did he cost?"

"What are his real parents like?"

at a toddler playgroup: "We have some of those people (our son is black) in our family too through marriage so I am ok with him being here".

at his first skating lesson said by his kindergarten teacher "Wow, look at that - straight from the jungle to the ice". I kid you not. Let's just say she is no longer allowed to teach with the school board.

At least during adoption it is just me these rude people are hurting - it is when it will affect my son that these jerks better WATCH OUT!!!!!

[Fran27]

Wow this thread never ceases to amaze me (in the wrong sense). I mean really, jungle? WTF is wrong with people?

Oh and Robin, I love your mom