[akcskye]

We have been matched with a SUPER sibling group. 2 children, ages 9 and 10.

We met them at a pizza place, and had a great time.

Next weekend, we took them to a water park, and then to McDonald's and browsed Wal-Mart (because we were out of town, not in our home town).

Last weekend, we had them for the weekend. Things seemed to go GREAT!

Before I go any further, to clarify stuff that will be later on in this post...we have not "lived" in our house for a year because of taking care of my grandmother.

This resulted in lots of mess to clean up, which we have, but the house smells musty, and you can just tell it had been neglected (only going over 2 or 3 times a day, BRIEFLY, to let out the dogs, feed the cats, etc).

Okay...back to the present.

I am getting a vibe of bad blood against the current home that has them.

The first visit, after it went so great, it was suggested the next weekend, that they come for the weekend. The house was NOT ready...so we declined a weekend stay over, and opted to stay in their town, but take them places and hang out.

The current placement has since seemed to go "down hill" in their attitude, and has omitted information that was crucial for me to have at the times it was requested...such as our daughter having a minor, outpatient surgery, and not being told that she needed to be there at 9 a.m. (I showed up at 10:30 when the surgery was scheduled at 11) and the placement guardians were there, as well as 2 other "acting families" that have visited the children...everyone knew she needed to be there at 9 a.m. but me.

Then, they were in a fashion show, and we knew what time, etc, and the day before it happened, the placement home said the tickets were sold out and we would not be able to see them. When we got there, there were tickets, and we came in and saw them in the show, and then took them home for the weekend from there.

When we got home, the only problem the kids had was the musty smell, and we got air freshener for that, and the kids admitted later on that they didn't even notice it anymore.

During this time, however, little things would come up in regards to their placement home...things like "X doesn't think you'll be good enough parents for us, but we like you a lot" and "I wish X could get to know you because you are not how you look", etc.

Bonding appears to be happening, and my hubby is almost exclusively called dad now, and I'm called mom more than my name.

I spoke to our worker today, who said that there were some issues to address, from "X" who notified their primary worker.

1. The smell. I explained that above...musty, un-lived in house.
2. No hot water in the home. The hot water tank leaked on our gas line (gas has been off for 7 months so we wouldn't be paying a huge gas bill and not living there), so the gas is still off until the repairman can come, which will be from August 12 to 15th, hence the move in date being during this time, too.
3. My husband working 2 jobs. As I explained to our worker...this is temporary due to me JUST getting a job now that grandma is better and just making sure bills are kept up until we adjust to my monthly paycheck. As our worker said, it's none of their business and part of life that people have 2 jobs sometimes.

Then, tonight, talking to my daughter, she says "X said it might take longer for us to move in, is that true?"

Well, I told her the truth. The move in date is STILL set for August 12 to 15th, unless someone knows something I don't.

So, my question...are these wonderful kids not liking us (when they insist they do and want to live with us forever and ACTING like they do as well), and afraid to say yes, and thus trying to manipulate things to where the fault of not being placed gets put on the placement home, or is the placement home just being inappropriate towards us and the children because they DO love these kids.

The kids are well bonded to each other and SO easy to parent...I can see why we, as new parents, were selected for them.

There is no record of manipulation or recorded attachment issues in their files.

My heart can't help but hurt for fear of not being able to have these super kids (I mean, it FEELS like a DREAM placement), but if they are master manipulators, I'm not ready for that, and they need help.

I know their placement home ultimately has no say...so am I worried over nothing (in other words...being the placement home isn't even a DHS home but funded otherwise, just ignore the attempts of bad blood) or do I have reason to worry there may be more to this than I see?

Thanks, and I'm sorry to bombard the board with a long post. If you need me to clarify, ask, and I will, as long as it doesn't lead to identifying information.

I'm just so frustrated. If something screws up, I am not going to pursue adoption again for a LONG time, if ever.

[ajrl]

Hey Kristi:

As a foster mom that just had her placements moved into a permanent house I can understand your feelings.

Yes, us as foster parents have no say as to where the kids are going unless we can prove that something is terribly wrong in the new home.

I wouldnt worry about the temp house that they are at unless something is said to you about neglecting the kids or doing harm to them or if they feel uneasy.

I would have a confirmation appointment w/ my SW confirming the date of the move. It is up to you to let your SW know how much you are looking forward to this placement.

I would also have the kids tell your SW if they do or dont want to move in w/ you to her face. This way you are certain if they are saying things behind your back or being manipulating.

I would check to see if they have had any RAD issues in the past and to know how long they have been bouncing around DSS.

Just take care and call your SW and see what the deal is and then maybe ask if you can get them a week earlier since you want them to get aclimated to the house before school starts.

AJ

[lakin11]

Just FYI
Kristi called me this afternoon, her grandmother who she cares for, had a stroke. She was pretty torn up about it, added to the top of this stress. Please keep her family in your prayers!
Shannon

[skilack]

Kristi,
You and Your Family will be in our prayers tonite.

[Leigh131313]

how sad.

Take care of yourself, Kristi.