[Papa D]

Hey folks,

For those of you following our little saga, pbmom gave birth to a little girl last night - 8 pounds, 5 ounces - after a long day and night, with a harrowing final push, according to those in the room.
Baby is pretty much fine - had a fever initially due to trauma of difficult delivery (umbilical cord problems and the arm was in the way coming out), but as of this morning, everything seems okay.
Right now we're in that weird little bit of limbo between the birth of the baby and the time we hope to bond with the baby. Pbmom all along has said she wants to spend some time with baby, and we have only gone in to see baby and pbmom at her request. We know this is HER time with the baby and she can have as much time as she wants.
Last night we were a bit freaked out (well, everyone was - it was a long emotional night), because we saw the baby for the first time at 1:15 a.m., three hours after delivery. It was nice to hear pbmom tell US congratulations when we congratulated her also. We were disappointed we didn't get to hold the baby, but we weren't about to ask. We know this is time for privacy, space and respect. We're finding that you kinda need to bite your tongue and sit on your hands during this part of the process! But gosh, it's just so weird! We barely slept last night, filled with fear and anxiety that everything could be derailed, but pbmom called early this morning to say "please come on over, I want you to hold the baby." So we did hold the baby, for a about five minutes each. Pbmom is feeding and changing the baby and holding her 90 percent of the time that the baby is not in the nursery.
Our adoption attorney will call her later, just to check in, not to pressure her on any level. If all goes according to plan, pbmom would likely sign relinquishment papers when she checks out of hospital tomorrow, leaving us there, well, with the baby.
We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we get through this last bit of time - for those of you who have gone through it, this is SO weird. You're standing there saying "gosh, that's our future baby." But you're also intellectually saying "no, that's HER baby and she is considering placing it with us for adoption."
So it goes - this is an interesting and curious process, and we are being patient, respectful and by the book every step of the way.

[StorkWatcher]

Dear Papa and Mama - Thank you very much for keeping us updated! We are all praying that things continue to go well.

I hope that the birthmom is enjoying her time with her daughter. It sounds like she is. This is such a hard part for you two right now, but it sounds like you are handling it well. Please drop a note when you have any more news. Can't wait to hear more details about baby girl and how things go tomorrow!!!

I know that a friend of ours also found this time in the hospital a little awkward. They gave their daugther's bparents all the space they needed and as much extra time as they wanted, and it helped them immensely as they bonded with her and prepared for their goodbyes then started grieving for her. It makes for the most beautiful story that they will have to tell their daughter some day about how very much she was loved!!!!!

I hope the hospital staff is being good to you!

[Lovebug]

Hey Papa!

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that the pbmom and baby are doing well!!! Keeping everyone in my thoughts and prayers!

And yes, it is weird. I couldn't agree more.

--Renee

[janf]

i may step on toes papa but first congratulations to you and your wife. Very exciting times ahead. When the aparents came and got N they asked me to write a letter to him so when he turned 18 they would give it to him. I have read some aparents don't want communication with bparents so this may not be the right thing to do. Just a suggestion from a bmom.. Again congrats on the baby girl

jan

[lauriesch22]

Wow..what a challenging time. I wonder how we are supposed to have the strength to do it.
I pray that the bmom can enjoy her time and be at peace with whatever decision she makes. Please keep us updated. I pray you have sleepless nights in the upcoming days, but for reasons other than anxiety

[Emster]

Glad to hear all is well and Baby Girl is healthy. I know the time is difficult, but well worth it. Your time will come. Although tough, our time in the hospital was an intense time when not only did Firstmom get to hold and love and care for her new baby boy, but she and her family got to know us and see us hold and love and care for the baby as well. We got to learn so much about her and her family and spend time together that more than likely we will never have the opportunity to spend again in the future, and that is so valuable to all of us, especially our son. Hang in there! Can't wait to hear more!

[mom2justynsarah]

I commend you for being sensitive to and respectful of your daughter's birthmom. Hang in there mom! One day you will be able to tell your daughter about the special time she shared with her birthmom in the hospital.

My daughter's bmom did the opposite. We did everything with our daughter in the hospital. She refused to hold her. But I will tell you this, until the birthmother signs the relinquishment forms, she is still legally your child's mother.

I will never forget one instance that happened while we were still in the hospital. I was in the middle of feeding my daughter. She had just fallen asleep in my arms. She was cozy, comfortable & content.

Well the head nurse very matter of factly comes over to me and takes my daughter out of my arms. She said something to the effect like " Her biological mother wants to see her now." and with that, she whisks my daughter away.

So you see, in the hospital it is the birthmother who takes presadence over anyone else. It is HER name on the baby's id bracelet. Again, until she signs those papers, you have no legal right to claim the baby.

Anyway, sounds like your daughter has a super birthmom! Congrats on your path to motherhood! All of this will not matter once you have your baby back in your arms.

[dutchgirl2]

Congratulations!! And that's wonderful that you're being so sensitive to your pbmom's needs right now. I fully understand that you're being careful in calling yourself new parents just yet, but it's still ok to enjoy these feelings regardless.

simone

[Papa D]

We've just enjoyed a nice afternoon of holding the baby, taking pictures, taking pictures of pbmom's family and friends with the baby. All happiness all around. This will be an open adoption from the beginning, forever. But in these hours we are careful to step back and retreat for stretches of time so she can feed, change the baby. That's her role and her desire right now. Even though we'd love to embrace the baby and start caring for her, we know that this time is immensely important for pbmom. T I think tomorrow will be the most difficult for pbmom - likely signing papers and being wheeled out of hospital empty handed. Her mother has been a rock for her, and her family has been great to meet - and they've all told us we've handled things well. Just hoping now that paperwork, legal stuff, insurance issues, etc., go well.

[icunurse]

Just wanted to chime in and say that you're right - it is a really weird experience. But I think you are doing the right thing by letting the pbmom lead how things will go. The way we saw it was that it is her time, no matter what, and we felt lucky to be included in whatever amount she wanted us to be, but we also made sure to ask her each time "are you sure?", just so she knew that she didn't *have* to do anything. Those moments in the hospital are precious to us and even with the risk of a placement not happening, we still wouldn't want to miss them whenever our future child comes home. Good luck to all of you.

[traceyk]

I can't imagine how hard this is since our daughter had the TPR signed before we even got on the plane. But I do remember getting her back to the hotel room and getting her naked just so I could see all of her because I hadn't had that chance like I would have if I had given birth. I hope it all works out for the best and enjoy!!!!

[mommmmy]

It really is a very weird time!

My husband still says how weird it all was - he was saying that last night. Reading what you wrote I thought - YEP!

sounds like you all are doing well with it all though.

[Fran27]

Best of luck for tomorrow!!!!

[srusse24]

Congratulations on your baby girl!

It sounds like you all are handling this wonderfully! I really appreciate you sharing. We will be going through the same thing here in a few weeks, and it is helpful to hear your story so we know what to expect.

Best wishes!

[melliemoo]

I'm very happy to hear that the babe was born and all is well. I can't even imagine this hospital experience and I'm glad to hear about it from you. I think you're doing a great job giving pbmom her space, and I hope all goes smoothly today.

Melissa =)