[karm]

We are currently in waiting mode to be matched with a birth mother. We have had one failed match. Now that we are back to the waiting it is driving me a bit crazy. I know I should be reading the baby books but I cant bring myself to pick one up. It seemed like I couldnt get enough of them when we were matched. How do you stay positive when you feel like your fate is in someone elses hands?
-Karyn

[Fran27]

Sorry about your failed match... I can imagine that the wait is even harder after that.

I'm waiting too... 3 months and it's making me really crazy. I spent the first 2 months buying baby things and reading baby books to pass the time, now I know the books by heart and I'm out of things to buy (at least stuff I will use in the first months).

Now it seems that I just really suffer through it though...

[StorkWatcher]

I read. I shopped. I tried to stay busy away from home doing different activities. I spent a lot of time w/ my sister's and friends' kids to get in my kid fix, knowing there would come a time when they might feel jealous of all the time I was spending with our new baby.

TALKED TO PEOPLE ON THE FORUMS!

To pass the time, I started on my baby's scrapbook and made up blank pages for general themes where I could just insert 4x6 photos when the time came.

The only thing that made me feel better during the wait was knowing that it was out of my hands (finished all the paperwork, could only check in w/ the agency so many times a month before I figured they'd start blocking my number! ha ha) and knowing it was in God's, so I prayed. I really had faith that the perfect baby for us was out there somewhere and would be sent to us at the right time. After our failed match, it's the only thing that made me get through the wait.

It's hard. No two ways about it. The wait is agonizing!!!! I wish we'd had a local support group for waiting parents that I could have attended. I had the forums, and one friend who was also waiting with the same agency that lived about an hour away from us. We emailed, called a lot and got together a few times.

[MarMad]

We're getting through the wait by scheduling one cool thing a week. Concerts, movies, dinners out, daytrips to festivals, things like that. Our kid wait is also being broken up by a job wait, as Hub is expecting an offer letter from another company any day. Once that comes through and he transitions, we'll be back to frantic kid waiting again, though.

[icunurse]

I'm so sorry about your failed match. We've been there and it really does make things harder during the wait.

As for how to use your time - spend as much time with your DH as possible. Try and squeeze in a few long weekends if you can, go to dinners and movies. When your baby finally does come home, you won't be getting out as much (or as easily!). Do all those home projects you planned, like organizing closets, etc. Make sure all of the little things are in order in case you get a call soon - take pets to the vet, know how to add a child to your insurance, etc.

I spent a lot of time reading adoption books, but not baby books. I tried to learn as much as I could before the baby showed up and would occasionally toss in a book with "happy endings" just to keep reminding myself that it *will* happen.

Probably what I spent the most time on was shopping for baby stuff. Not even buying a lof of it, but doing comparison shipping, getting some small stuff off of ebay, making sure that I at least had the essentials. I was able to paint the baby's room at a leisurely pace, get a great deal on a glider, buy the bedding and decorations for very low prices through the internet and just going into stores off the baby path.

Hope your wait is short!!

[d'smom]

Karm - I feel like I am in the same boat. We have officially been waiting for 11 an a half monthsalthough our homestudy was finished in June. I feel so helpless. I have a terrific 9 yr old son that keeps us busy but the waiting/adoption is constantly on your mind. I went through these buying spurt but now am feeling defeated and will not buy anything.

Our agency's said we could expect a match before 9 months. Now sad to say I am letting frustation slip in.

My prayers are with us all.

Tracey

[solarscarlet]

Karm-- I am sorry to hear about your failed match. It seems we're all playing the "Waiting Game".

We have been waiting for 3mos so far & I am finding it just as hard to wait for the call. I do have a 9 yr old son that is keeping me somewhat busy with his activities & being out of school for the summer, but I do find that I am constantly wishing that everytime the phone rings; it will be the agency. I have a hard time waiting when I have done everything on my list (that needs to be done) & I can turn my thoughts off.
I am trying to find ways to keep myself busy...I am surfing the net looking for deals on clothing, furniture, & other essentials. I have some things already...a bouncy seat (gift from my sister), diaper bag (gift from DH), a pack n play & stroller/car seat combo that I bought from my sister. I have even gone to a local consignment shop & bought a few cute little dresses.
I have been reading baby books & adoption books, plus I will read a few fun books as well that are unrelated. DH & I are going to dinners, movies, spending time with family & friends, going to see my DH best friend play in his band. I have also been keeping a journal as well.

Even though I am trying to be optimistic (I know we havent been waiting long)..it's still very stressful/emotional.

I would love to find a local support group for waiting families. We are the first ones in our family to adopt.
I think this is a great thread & would like to be updated on how things are progressing for all of you.

Good Luck To Us All,
Solarscarlet

[karm]

Thank you all for your suggestions! When we thought we were a match we went out and bought a good amount of baby things that we would use right away. So shopping is on hold for us.
I guess keeping busy is the best I can do. DH and I are enjoying are time together but a baby would only make it even better. I did hear from my facilitator that she sent out 5 of our books for the month of July. I'm just hopeful that maybe one of those birth mothers will pick us.
Good luck to all of you that are waiting.
-Karyn

[sanielsen]

Karyn,
Good post! My DH and I have been waiting for what seems like ever. At the advice of some friends who have adopted, we just took a great vacation. We rented a house on the coast with some friends where we did not have phone access. The 1st part of the week was a little rough as I have made sure I was close to a phone for the better part of two years now, but once I let it go and realized that God will place the baby in our arms when the timing is right, I was able to relax.

Good luck to you!
Sarah