[kirstenb]

We matched with the most wonderful young lady in March through parent profiles. We got to know one another and were getting more and more excited every day to welcome a baby girl into our family (we adopted our son four years ago). After being contacted by many emotional scammers, we felt honored to be chosen by this young lady. We kept in contact through the last two months of her pregnancy via phone, IM and email. The last day of April we received a call from her boyfriend telling us to get our cell phones ready because baby may come two weeks early!! I had a sub lined up at school to take over and my folks were ready to fly in. Monday came and went, no call. Tuesday, the same. We were confused as to why we hadn't heard from either of them, but on Wednesday the phone rang. The caller ID showed it was our social worker. I knew something wasn't right...I mean, shouldn't we be getting a call from the boyfriend from the hospital?? That was the plan.

Now we've had potential birthmoms change their mind later in the pregnancy and we knew the risks, but I couldn't have ever prepared for what I was to hear. The sw told us flatly that B.'s friend had called the agency. The baby girl was stillborn...at 38 weeks. B didn't know how to tell us, she was devastated, as you can imagine.

May was the saddest month in our lives to date. B. remains a close friend in our lives and she is doing better but has relapses of grief. We may be getting ready to close the door on adopting a second child...which makes me so sad. I always dreamed of our son having a sibling. We took our profile down off of parent profiles and now don't know what to do. My heart is so sad. We miss our baby that we didn't even get to meet. We wanted her and had dreams for her. My faith is strong, but I can't figure this one out....

Anyway, just wanted to share my story. Adoption is such a blessing.
Kirsten

[SanInUtah]

Kirsten,

I'm so sorry! A friend told me once that '...a thought is a thing'. She was your daughter, in spirit and in love. That does matter. Maybe you'd find some closure if you donated in your baby's name? Maybe a recliner to the NICU at the hospital where she was born, something. I dunno. It was just a thought.

BTW, if you don't adopt then you'll be depriving a waiting child of your love. That's not going to help anyone, including your daughter.

[court5505]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Take all the time you need to grieve. Don't make any decisions right now about whether or not you will adopt in the future. You have too many emotions going through you right now to make a decision like that.

[Leigh131313]

Ok...for me, the only way I could make it through our adoption journey was to tell myself, for everything there is a reason.

In your case...I can't help but think how fortunate that pbmom is. That she has you to comfort her in her time of despair. You are the only people who could love that baby as she does, and she is so blessed to have your support.

Take some time and grieve...you do not have to make a final decision about adding to your family today....you may feel differently once you have time to heal.

[ourdreamcametru]

Just wanted to let you know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I can't imaging what you must be going through, my cousin lost a beautiful baby girl the very same way three years ago, a bio child and she took a very long time to recover. Life does go on but it will never be the same because you were touched by this beautiful spirit. Hopefully you and the birthmother can keep your bond strong and this will help each of you to recover.

[redbonec]

I am so sorry to read of your loss!

How devastating, and how completely unexpected.

I think what Leigh said was a good connection--you and the baby's mother loved the child so much already, and you are able to help one another.

So very sorry.

[mom2justynsarah]

I have no words to express how sad I feel for you. I am so sorry.

[dutchgirl2]

Kirsten, how terribly, terribly sad for everyone involved. Take time to grieve this awful loss, but don't close the door on a second adoption yet. You might be denying your family the opportunity to enjoy another little person in your midst. You will never forget your almost baby, and nobody expects that from you, but just don't close the door yet. My thoughts are with you and with B and her boyfriend.

hugs,
Simone

[polkadotghost]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The above posters are right take your time to grieve but try not to give up. Maybe plant a tree in the backyard that sybolize your little girl and now hope can grow out of sadness. We lost a little boy to a rare genetic illness during pregnancy and I planted a bleeding heart bush in my backyard with a little statue of a boy and a plaque that read "Have no fear of the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly, knowing I am with you." Many a day I would spend out there just staring at that phrase. It kept me going. When he died I wanted to give up on every having children but I held on to the idea that he was in heaven trying to find us his little brother or sister and low and behold a year later we adopted our oldest daughter. Hang in there.

[Gavin's Mom]

Kristen,

I am so sad for your loss and I will be in prayer for you. We have lost three children and now we have Gavin! Please don't give up on adoption for the 2nd child but please do take time to mourn your loss.

Rita