[intladoptionblog]

I've found this thread very interersting. So interesting, in fact, that I've made it the topic of today's Older Parent blog, if anyone's interested.

Feel free to comment on the blog and claim your quotes! There have been some great lines in all your posts.
Thanks,

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by Fran27

You know, sometimes SAHM isn't a choice either (when you wouldn't earn enough anyway to make up for the crazy cost of daycare, or would just bring home maybe $100 a week after that). I'm sure lots of SAHM wish they could work and bring some money.

That, and you're 25, which is very young for adoptive families. 10 years down the road, you might very well be able to be a SAHM.

I realize that sometimes SAHM isn't a choice either. And I don't think it's fair for either of us -- those who have to stay at home, or those who have to work, when we would rather do the opposite.

And, yes, I know I'm young to be adopting. My DH and I decided that rather than go through all the infertility treatments and stuff, we'd rather just skip to adoption. I'm young, but I really don't see anything changing about our financial situation in 10 years -- maybe in small ways, but not very much. We're probably both going to have student loans in payback, the home equity loan we took out to cover this adoption, plus both our cars will probably need replacing by then. We'll be lucky to just get all that stuff paid off, let alone be able to think about me staying home.

I was just trying to point out that not all of us do what we do because it's what we would like to do. Some of us have choices about these things and some of us don't. I happen to be one who doesn't.

[intladoptionblog]

Oops. Here's the direct link:

http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-175

[momraine]

I remember when I worked in daycare, one of the things we talked about as workers were the way the parents behaved. In private we divided them into two groups. The first group were the ones who always came straight from work to pick up there kids, an occasionaly stop at a doctor, dentist or grocery store, but mostly they were there as soon as possible after work. These were the people who if they had a long enough lunch break would sometimes stop in and have lunch. These were the parents that if the child was having a tough day, would call and check on them. These parents also would pull thier kids out of day care on days when they had vacation or a day off. They always seemed happy to see thier kids and right away started asking them what they did at school.

The other group, tended to show up at the last possible minute before we closed and started chargning late fees. We would often hear the mention that they had gotten off early, but had run errends first. We would shake our heads in private when she showed up in sweats, and told us that they were "off that week, and using the time get stuff done and relax" yet thier kids were still in day care, all day, every day. They were the ones whose kids would tell us often of spending the weekend at Grandma's or a babysitter. They were the parents would walk in and grab the kids and only want to talk about thier day. They would not ask us how the child's day went, nor would they ask the child. They acted like thier children were a nuisance. You could also see the difference in behavior in the two groups of children. To us we had a clear picture of the diffence between women who need to work and women who just want to work. There were a few who fell in between somewhere, but usually it was pretty clear which mom's put thier kids at the top of thier priorities and which did not.

[intladoptionblog]

I would suspect that there'd be far fewer in the second group with adoptive moms...

[mom2justynsarah]

We would often hear the mention that they had gotten off early, but had run errends first. We would shake our heads in private when she showed up in sweats, and told us that they were "off that week, and using the time get stuff done and relax" yet thier kids were still in day care, all day, every day.

I am a fulltime working mom. You better believe that if I got off early from work, I would run errends first. I have also sometimes put my kids in daycare if I had a day off or two. I see nothing wrong with taking a breather every now & the.

On the other hand, I have also picked up my kids early (when I didn't have to). I enjoy being with them. But there are times when us moms need time for ourselves.

When I was a camp counseler many moons ago, we ran into plenty of these ultimate "snobby" parents. These were the parents who were off doing their country club thing (or whatever else you do with MEGA bucks).

Their children were the ones who were the best dressed, and best groomed. They lived in mansions. Their parents drove the most expensive cars. They had no money worries, ever.

However, these were the same parents who were the toughest to find when their children needed them. I remember hearing stories form the camp nurse.

There were times when the children got sick or injured. The parents wouldn't show up until the END of the day. Or they would send in their nannies.

I remember one time a kid broke his leg. When the mother got wind of this, she had this to say. "Why can't you take him to the hospital." "I have things to do."

Um, HELLO?! These were the type of parents who didn't deserve (in my eyes) their children!

[srusse24]

Originally Posted by momraine

I remember when I worked in daycare, one of the things we talked about as workers were the way the parents behaved. In private we divided them into two groups. The first group were the ones who always came straight from work to pick up there kids, an occasionaly stop at a doctor, dentist or grocery store, but mostly they were there as soon as possible after work. These were the people who if they had a long enough lunch break would sometimes stop in and have lunch. These were the parents that if the child was having a tough day, would call and check on them. These parents also would pull thier kids out of day care on days when they had vacation or a day off. They always seemed happy to see thier kids and right away started asking them what they did at school.

The other group, tended to show up at the last possible minute before we closed and started chargning late fees. We would often hear the mention that they had gotten off early, but had run errends first. We would shake our heads in private when she showed up in sweats, and told us that they were "off that week, and using the time get stuff done and relax" yet thier kids were still in day care, all day, every day. They were the ones whose kids would tell us often of spending the weekend at Grandma's or a babysitter. They were the parents would walk in and grab the kids and only want to talk about thier day. They would not ask us how the child's day went, nor would they ask the child. They acted like thier children were a nuisance. You could also see the difference in behavior in the two groups of children. To us we had a clear picture of the diffence between women who need to work and women who just want to work. There were a few who fell in between somewhere, but usually it was pretty clear which mom's put thier kids at the top of thier priorities and which did not.

This sooo true! I worked in daycare and I feel as if I could have written this exact post.

But I do agree that there are probably far less adoptive parents in that second group.

We have found a great daycare for our DS once I go back to work. Being a teacher, I plan on keeping him home with me on all my off days and vacation time. I do worry though about messing up his schedule. If he is home with me all next summer, taking him back to daycare in August will be tough.

[adoptmom_02]

full time stay at home mama here and i love it.

[patti Daniels]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

I am a fulltime working mom to my two children. My daughter is 19 months, and my son is seven. I have been working since my son was 3 months old & my daughter was 5 months old. (taking into consideration maternity/fmla leave).

I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM. But to tell you the truth, I am not cut out for that. lol. I give you SAHM's a lot of credit. It is HARD work being home. In fact, I personally think it's harder being at home, than working.

Fortunately, I have worked for companies where the culture was very family friendly. I have been able to take time off when my kids were sick, or for doctor's appt's, etc. If it had not been the case, I would have a huge ulcer by now. lol. It is great to have your company that supports working moms.

So tell me moms, what is a typical day for you? For me, I wake up at 7am. My husband & I are a tag team. He makes their lunches, gets their bags ready, takes the dogs out etc. I get my kids dressed. I make sure they are clean, have brushed their teeth, have eaten breakfast, etc.

Then by 8am, we are all out the door. At 5pm, I pick the kids up. They are both starving and cranky at this time. So it's a lovely drive home. But fortunately we are less than 10 minutes from their camp/school.

Then it's the mad rush of making them dinner, getting their bath's going, playtime, cuddle time etc. By now it's 9pm. They finally go to sleep. I collapse on my bed and fall asleep by 10pm.

Then before I know it, the alarm goes off at 7am...It's time for another day! How about you?

I have always been a working mom. My husband helped in our home. He has attended more of our daughter's school functions because I was out of town. I regret that I worked so much and was away from our daughter. The last 18 years have went by so fast. It seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms for the first time and now she will be leaving for college next month. Enjoy your children.

[mom2justynsarah]

It seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms for the first time and now she will be leaving for college next month. Enjoy your children.[/quote]

Absolutely! Both my children are such blessings to me. Not a day goes by where we haven't cuddled, kissed, goofed around or said "I love you!"

[ChristieS]

I am a working Mom. We had saved some money and planned on my staying home but (wisely) decided to wait until the adoption was final. 14 months later (and yes, past the legal time frame) the adoption was contested. At the same time my husband's NG unit got mobilized for Iraq. It took every penny we saved, earned and borrowed - and then some. So I ended up having to stay at my job (which is a GREAT job, just not what we had wanted). My son was special-needs so we had to hire someone to come to our house and watch him while I worked.

Finally, my husband is home and retired, but still (our son is now four) the adoption remains contested and so I am still teaching. As soon as we can finalize the adoption and end the attorney and court fees then I will stay at home with him. Right now my husband is a SAHD. My son can not do daycare so someone has to stay home with him.

[Just as a not to those who are unaware: this is not a case of the birthmom or birthdad changing their mind - she has never even asked how he is doing. This case is more complicated than that.]

Anyway - it is my lifelong dream to stay home with my child and we hope to one day get there. I do feel awful about working during his first four years - especially since he needed special care - but we did all we could do in light of the circumstances. Hopefully we can end this awful court mess and I can finally stay at home with him.

I took the summer off and will go back next month. I love my job - but I would rather stay home.

[rtsmom]

I've been a SAHM for 20 years now! Haven't looked back since our first child was born. My husband also runs his own business from home (bonus!). Works great for me, my kids and our family.

Janet

[Chicken8182]

Janet your awesome 20 yrs at home and your husband too? I love him to death but I think I'd lose my sanity if he wasn't gone part of the day. In the mornings I'm happy to see him go and even happier at night when he returns. I keep reading these posts about how everyone saved and planned to be able to be a stay at home mom and It made me re-examine things I really admire all the sacrifices you must have had to make to be able to afford to be there for every moment not missing a thing. I'm 23 now and my daughter was placed with us when I was 19 at the time I worked days 5 days a week I missed so much. By the time I got home and after dinner I was so tired and she was still so little she was sleepy by 7 I never got a whole lot of time. I hate midnights but I love the time I have with her I love knowing that everything she is learning she is learning from me not a babysitter . I also love working I love contributing financiall even though all it is is play money for us I am lucky enough that my spouse more than provides for the household with no problem. So hats off to everyone the sahm's who sacrificed to be one and the ladies who either have to work or love to work but still find time to make their children feel special and loved . To sum it up I think we're all kick a** moms here .