[mommamarci]

Okay, when we first signed on with our agency, I was content to let them do everything and sit back and wait for the call. I realized this morning that I am 2 weeks from the four month mark. When we first starting waiting, I did not think we would have a very long wait. Now I am starting to think about doing some networking myself. Have any of you done this? What did you do? I thought I could make up some profiles and send them out to the area hospitals / OB's. However, I wondered, how likely do you think a Social worker or doctor is to hand out a profile for a family they know nothing about? I don't want to spend all of this time and money doing this and then have them get thrown away as soon as they reach the social worker or doctor. I considered something online, but we really want an in state adoption because we cannot afford to travel and live in a hotel for a few weeks awaiting ICPC. Any advice or suggestions? Am I being ridiculous? It has only been three months...

[BlessedBe]

You're not being ridiculous - the waiting was horrible for me and our wait was "officially" 6 months.

Even though we were signed with an agency, they encouraged us to do our own networking. I handed out profiles to people I knew, made "business" cards and included them when I paid my bills, etc., and literally told everyone I knew that our homestudy was final and we were actively seeking a potential birthmom.

The word of mouth worked - in June of last year my aunt met a young, pregnant woman who mentioned she was planning on placing her child for adoption. My aunt told her about us and, well, the beautiful baby boy she gave birth to is now in our den laughing and playing.

So, definitely network on your own!

I do want to give you a word of advice and that is since you are with an agency, put your counselor's contact information down instead of your own personal home phone or cell phone. Counselors are better able to determine scams, etc. and can also give a potential birthmother the information and counseling that she needs.

Good luck to you - I've been lurking and hoping you'd get "THE" call soon!

[kelceesmom]

Definately do your own networking. Do the business cards and hand them out everywhere. Give them to your family members also in case they are in a situation that might be potential. Go to the hospitals, fire department, police station, doctors offices. All these are potential resources. Ask your agency for suggestions too. I had a friend give them to the teachers at her childs school even. You might just overhear a conversation so be ready for anything. Good luck. I don't think 4 months is unreasonable but it does feel like forever. Easy for me to say since we have our bundle of joy and everything is finalized now. Lots of luck.

[tobeafamily]

We did this as well. What we found was that it was an unexpected way of managing our stress as well as the path that connected us to our son's bfamily (as well as connecting another family along the way). We felt like we were doing something rather than just waiting!

We had created a master e-mailing list of all our friends, family, close business associates, etc. We used this list to ask for help in searching, and kept the group updated every 2-3 weeks or so with how things were progressing. One of these list members, a "work friend" of mine from a previous employer (we mostly trade jokes on e-mail), made the connection. She had gotten an "update" from us about a week before her ex-husband's daughter found out she was pregnant and decided on adoption. So we were fresh in her mind. This young lady is our son's birthmother.

A few other things we did that generated leads and one other family being made:

1. Made up business cards with brief blurb and our contact info. Left them everywhere - restrooms at movie theaters, hockey games, fast food restaurants, airports, etc. We gave cards to waitstaff, left them on pay phones, bulletin boards, ATM machines, etc. We got 9 leads, one of which turned into a connection & placement for another family using our agency. We asked friends and family to do the same and ended up with a "mad mad carder brigade". We got cards pretty inexpensively at Vista Print www.vistaprint.com.

2. Sent out letters to hospitals, doctors, etc. Got one call from a social worker that almost turned into a placement for another family. This would've been very expensive if my employer hadn't let us use their color copier though.

3. Put up flyers in our cars with our info on them, as did some of our friends. Also put flyers up in laundromats, bulletin boards, etc. Got several calls from these, especially the cars.

4. Created a simple website and posted it on several adoption/hopeful parent sites, all the search engines, and everywhere we could do it for free or a low fixed cost. We did get some e-mails and phone calls from prospective situations, though not a tremendous number.

ABC Adoptions has a 'birthmothers seeking situations' area where they send leads to you as one of their 'listing families' by email. Kay at Preciouskids will send you periodically all the 'available situations' from facilitators when you list with her.

5. We advertised in the local and some college newspapers. We didn't get much response, but others we're aware of made their connection this way. We also put an 'on screen' advertisement at one of the local movie theaters - that got us zero leads.

6. We also put a short 'ad' for ourselves including phone # and website as the 'signature line' on our e-mail and asked friends to do this as well. Don't honestly know if we got any leads from that one but we figured it was free and couldn't hurt, especially if people didn't strip signatures on forwards.

Also, we really told everyone. I have a heart-shaped red button with the word ADOPT! on it that I'd wear places. You'd be amazed how many people came up and asked me about it, giving me a chance to give out a card and ask. I got 4 separate leads from people in a professional group who knew we were searching - either their friends/family or an employee became pregnant, etc. We told our postman and the guy who delivers the newspaper.

It was very hard at first (we really are private people) but got much easier with time and as leads formed. We also found so many "gifts" - notes of support from strangers, friends sharing their adoption stories (adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents) that we had never heard, so many prayers. We are continually amazed and touched.

Please don't hesitate to ask questions, we're happy to help.

Take care,
Regina

[ourdreamcametru]

NETWORK! Do the business cards and give them to everything that breaths. We found our daughter through a friend who is a nurse on the OB floor at our local hospital, she found her son there and now two of our firends have found theirs by placing Dear Birthmother letters and business cards in the waiting rooms and at nurses stations in hospitals as well as OB/Gyn offices. Word of mouth really does work. Just think about how many people finds out you want to adopt just you your telling one person who tell another and so on and so on! Another plus is that you don't need an agency if you find the birthmother on your own, just an attorney, who will set you up for a homestudy and the cost is sooooo much cheaper!