[Sunc5238]

Hello everyone, I am new to the group. I have a question that I hope to find an answer to. Does anyone know of any place where I can go to find out information on the success or failure of adopting from a family member? I have a niece that has recently become pregnant. My wife and I have been unable to have children of our own and would consider looking into adopting the child, our niece has already said she wants to give the child up for adoption. We are not sure if this is even something that would normally be considered or not, but have lots of questions. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[ilene21117]

Hi,
My niece just had a baby at 19 and decided to keep it. I thought about the possibility of adopting the child, but then I realized that it was to close to home in the sense that she would always be there and explaining to the child that I'm his adopted mom who really is his great aunt and that his cousin is his min was just too much for me. If you want to know if it can work I'm sure it can be done and has been done before. Good luck to you!
Ilene

[jaydensmommy]

We had a similar situation where our nephew's girlfriend became pregnant. They (my nephew and his girlfriend) as DH and I to adopt. I won't kid you, the first year was rough, for the bparents and for us. We are now more comfortable with each other and our roles in our son's life. You can PM me or research my previous posts to see some of the problems we had. Regardless, we would do it all over again. It was hard to see the pain they were going through and to find our boundaries. The second year was so much better, with everyone being more comfortable with their roles.

We just celebrated Jayden's second birthday with both the birthfamily (son's exgirlfriend's family) and our family (which is part birthfamily and part adoptive family). It can get confusing at times. We like to joke to others sometimes about his grandmother (my sister) being younger than his mother (me).

When we first adopted, we lived in different states and we now live just blocks apart. Our nephew (bfather) sees him weekly if not more (when I visit sister, etc.). No problems. He'll say hi bud, swing him around, play with him a little and then go about his day, whether it's going to the beach, school, etc. Again, this is something that evolved over time. The bmom, however, has chosen to see him a few times a year only and we also only live blocks from her ( understand this is her way with dealing with it right now, although I would like for her to have more contact with our son as when she sees him he has to get to know her all over again and gets scared sometimes and that hurts her). Our doors are always open to her.

We will not lie (nor could we really with a relative adoption) to our son. He knows that his bfather is daddy M and birthuncle (who is 6) is both uncle J and cousin J. When he gets older and asks questions, we will explain whatever he wants to know. Right now, at 2, he just accepts what is. My sister is his grandma, my parents are his greatgrandparents, etc.

I realize, I am rambling, but things have changed so much over the past year, so much for the better, with most of the relationships and family dynamics. What I am trying to say is that, as in any relationship, there is going to be difficulties, but they can be overcome with everyone willing.

If you know that she is wanting to have her child adopted, I would suggest that you let her know that you are interested in adopting if that is what she wanted also. We let my nephew and his girlfriend know that we were willing to adopt, but also let them know that there was no pressure on them and that we would back them on whatever decision they were to make, whether adopt out to someone else, parent or allow us to adopt. Even days before and then again after the birth, we again spoke about their rights to change their minds, etc. (They were barely 15 at the time and we did not want them to feel pressured and that they had choices). We are so glad we did that due to the problems in the initial few months afterwords with everyone adjusting to their new roles.

Anyway, it can be done, and very fulfilling. We love our son very much and can't imagine our life any other way. It's hard to look back and imagine our lives before he became a part of us.

Feel free to PM me with any questions. I tend to ramble on, but if you can bear with it, I could possibly answer a few questions.

Depending on your state, you may qualify as a relative in a "relative adoption" which is less rigorous then a "standard" adoption.