[MlynnBrrtt]

Hi, board. I have a few questions. I have been a lurker for a while & could use some advise.

I am a single 21 year old woman who has a stable living situation & job. I am in the process of becoming a foster/adoptive parent for older AA children. My heart had been with children over the age of 7 (but not over 10 as we have age restrictions in my state (ohio) but a possible situation presented it self to me this weekend.

A young girl who I know very well (we live close by & I sit for her younger siblings) came to me telling me she may be pregnant. This girl's mother has 3 adopted children & 3 bio children. I find it hard to believe that she would need to place the baby when her mother is so involved in adoption & foster care her self. Her mother is the woman is is mentoring me through the process. But none the less she feels like her mother would disown her if she kept the baby(don't know how true that is).

This girl knows that I am in the process of becoming a foster/adoptive parent through the state & has asked me to adopt her baby(should she be pregnant). I was very unprepared for this but she feels that she can't keep the baby & doesent want to give him/her to strangers. I know she is very scared & confused right now & adoption seems like the "easy way out". She also asked me about "home abortion" (ie hitting herself in the belly) but I told her to please not do that as she could be risking her own health & life. I offered her my support if she should choose parenting/adoption/abortion(in a clinic) & to get her the help she needed to make a choice. Then she just out & blurted "you like kids why don't you take it" "I can give it to you". I was a bit caught off guard.

I know she is young & vonerable & confused right now & I am trying to help her. I believe in natural family preservation & adoption only after all other avenues are explored & a child is a true orphan. I am looking online to try & find resources for her to help her 1> talk to her mother & 2> to help her make an informed decision about her ability to parent.

My question is..... and I know this is a long shot.... if she is pregnant... and she does choose adoption.... what would my next step be? Nine months is a long time & I want to help this young girl as I love her like a sister. I want to help her keep her baby & love her baby & provide for her baby..... but I know that might not be possible.

The adoption would be open & this child would be heavly involved in the lives of his/her natural family. They wouldn't be "birthfamily" but just family as they are already a huge part of my own life & my extended family.

I hadn't planned on adopting an infant but I would be more than willing & able to provide for a little one. I feel very rushed. I hadn't even talked with an agency, done any birthmother letters, or waited for a match/referal... it was all just out of the blue & I feel a bit overwhelmed. Is this a natural feeling? I know I am getting ahead of my self & that is is very likley she will decide to parent (she has more resources & support avaliable to her than most pbmoms to at the time of placement) but I want to be prepared if this does end up happening. Can anyone send me a link to the laws regarding private adoption in the state of ohio?

[beth9927]

Hi. I adopted privately from Ohio. I don't have a link to offer, but I'd be glad to answer any questions. (I probably don't have a lot of info to offer, but feel free to pm anytime.)

Beth

[BrandyHagz]

Well, if you are considering at all the option of adopting privately, you need to work on getting a private homestudy. Most state run foster/adopt programs wont allow you to ‘buy’ your homestudy until you’ve been with them for a determined amount of time.

You could talk to your caseworker about that also – they might be willing to work with you.

The next step, should she decide to explore her option of adoption, would be to make sure she has some extraordinary counseling so she can deal with the effects of adoption both pre and post placement. She also needs to make sure she has explored all of her options with some options counseling. It sounds like she might be making her decision out of fear and she really needs to explore that before she makes this life altering decision.

Then, you’ll need to hire attorneys. While you may only be required to hire one in your state – it’s always a good idea to have two, one for you and one for mom, so you are sure her rights are being fully represented without prejudice (adoption is the only legal practice where an attorney can represent both parties, why? Who knows…)

Here is the link to the Ohio Adoption Statutes. http://ohio.adoption.com/