[BlessedBe]

I arranged a visit with DS's birthmom. I've missed her so much - we haven't seen her in several months.

Things went well. She fed him his bottle, loved on him like crazy, and we talked and talked about how he looks just like her other son, DS's brother, and laughed at how they have they have the same facial expressions. I was glad he got to see her too. I mean, I know he knows who she is because we talk about her every day.

It was so good to see her and to be able to give her a hug. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and worry about her and pray for her.

With previous visits, she has done so well when it was time for her to go. This time, however, she was so hesitant to leave and even said she didn't want to go but she had to get to work. And when she left it was if my heart was being ripped from my chest.

I can't help but to continually think of how unfair it was for her to have a life so chaotic that she had to make the sacrifice she did. I am acutally feeling guilty as though adopting DS was "taking him away from her." In my heart I know that she knows she made the right decision, but the emotions with adoption are so complex that it's difficult to handle sometimes.

I don't have any particular reason in posting this except to share my thoughts and feelings with all of you and to ask, if you don't mind, to say a prayer for her continued peace.

Thanks so much for listening!

[gottahavehope]

You will all be in my prayers tonight. I was touched by your post very much.

Love and peace,
K

[timni]

I know how you feel. I have that same merry go round in my head so often. I try to focus on what dd bmom uncle said...."If I didn't adopt dd someone else would have had to and my dedication to open adoption will make it easier on dd bmom. Hang in there. thankfully rough times and good times are cyclical. It'll turn around soon I hope.

[ourdreamcametru]

I understand how you feel. Our daughter's birthmother is not living a very safe life and I worry about her every minute of every day. Although I don't talk to her as often as I would like I do stay in contact with her family. I struggle with the same feelings of guilt sometimes, why does my happiness have to be shadowed by someone elses sadness? Just yesterday I was talking to birthmother's grandmother who has had an extreamly hard time with the adoption, not becasue of us but that this is the only great-grandchild she will ever have. She told me that last week when she was in the hospital and they didn't know if she was going to live, she told her family that the one thing that she didn't have any regrets with and was at total peace with is that we had the baby! This still brings tears to my eyes but I am so glad to know that although she is sad at the same time she is happy about the adoption.

[heartbeat]

That hurt just to read. I can't imagine experiencing it as you both do. I'm glad that she has you.

Warmly, heartbeat

[mumofone]

I share the same feelings....perfectly normal, I think.

One of my "internet" friends, who happens to be a bmom, said the exact same thing to me as your dd's bmom's uncle.

[manni28]

I can't help but to continually think of how unfair it was for her to have a life so chaotic that she had to make the sacrifice she did. I am acutally feeling guilty as though adopting DS was "taking him away from her." In my heart I know that she knows she made the right decision, but the emotions with adoption are so complex that it's difficult to handle sometimes.

I hope you don't mind but as an adoptee, I wouldn't want to see my mom (amom) feeling guilt over seeing my bmom-it would be too confusing. It would be like, "ok, if you feel so guilty about it why did you keep me" I don't think thats healthy for any child to witness

Things went well. She fed him his bottle, loved on him like crazy, and we talked and talked about how he looks just like her other son, DS's brother, and laughed at how they have they have the same facial expressions. I was glad he got to see her too. I mean, I know he knows who she is because we talk about her every day.

Again, this would "bug" me out to hear about my bmom everyday-it would make me feel "adopted and different" from the rest of the family. I guess coming from a closed adoption my parents told me I was adopted but didn't make a big deal about it.

I know that you care about your achild's family and you are kind but does the bfamily always have to be in picture everyday? Just curious?