[ks01]

Did you give a gift to bmom at placement? if so what was it and what typeof relationship did you have before the placement?

We are in a match with a pbmom who we have no contact with (by her choice).

In a previous failed match we were very close with the mom so we were planning to give her a pendant.

any suggestions? should we give anything? we've been told that she would like us at the delivery but we may not make it there in time in which case we don't even know if well meet her in person.

[HappyTwinsMom]

We gave our daughters' birthmom a gold and pearl heart-shaped pendant. Our relationship was pretty minimal at that point; we had only met in person once and spoken on the phone a few times, as we were matched only two weeks before the babies were born. Since then, we've gotten to know her much better and I can see I would have chosen a different gift had I known her better.

[Brittmomto3]

I think a piece of jewerly with the baby's birthstone is nice.

[timni]

At the hospital we gave her a big boquet of flowers and a teddy bear so she had something to hold onto on the ride home. I also put one of the outfits dd had worn while in the hospital on the bear so it had her smell.

At our entrustment ceremony which was 2 days after we all went home from the hospital. We gave the birthmom an empty photo album. With a promise to fill it up

A beautiful Jewelry box that my dh bought while deployed in afghanistan. For the hospital bracelets and other little momentos etc...

And a beautiful silver necklace that was a big heart with a little heart dangling from it. She loves it and never takes it off. It was so perfect to symbolise the bond between her and dd.

I am always trying to think of things that don't scream adoption but have special significance. For dd 1st bday I am taking E and dd for professional pictures together. and maybe even one with all three of us.

[Guspiv]

We met our son's birthmother about 2 weeks before his birth and we were present for Gavin's birth. We brought her some night clothes, slippers etc. and flowers for the hospital when we came back to visit the morning after his birth. One the day we left the hospital we gave her a photo album and a women's devotional bible (we knew that she is a spiritual person before we gave her the bible).

[SchmennaLeigh]

Clear it with your agency FIRST.

I received a beautiful trinket box with an engraved message and a necklace with Munchkin's birthstone. She also has the matching one.

That said, all I really "needed" was some flowers. I wanted to look "normal" when leaving the hospital. I wanted flowers. So much so that my Husband went a bit overboard with the flowers upon the birth of our son. heh.

[Birth4Mom3]

Our adoptive parents gave us a bracelet (for me) and a tie tack (for him) with the heart and triangle symbols on them.

That wasn't at the time of adoption though, it was when we married much later on after the adoption.

[blessedbybug]

We gave the first Moms in both our situation flowers in the hospital. I just read Jenna's post and that was exactly why we did it. We wanted her to feel like she was a Mother too, to have the "being spoiled" experience in the hospital. I hope they felt that way.

We did NOT give any gifts except a blank journal prior to the end of revocation period. We did not want anything to interfere with her decision whether or not to place, and that included the influence of "gifts". After the revocation, we sent some a photo album and some pampering type stuff to her, along with toys for her DDs. On the first Christmas we sent a locket with Bug's initials engraved on the back.

[mommy2Adam]

I spent only a week with ** prior to DS birth. We bonded like sisters. We didn't have a formal placement. We just took DS back to hotel with us after he was born. Spent another 5 weeks there and spent a lot of time with ** and her family... 10 Days after birth we went to court with ** and she signed all the papers. We all cried. And after I gave her my prayer box that I had been wearing. I told her my prayers were answered and now it was her turn. It was very touching moment. We cried again... But I think it was a great gift.

[Leigh131313]

Hi Mommy2Adam

I just thought I would let you know why you see so many **'s in your post. The abreviation you used for a birthmom is not one that we use on this forum, as it is also the abreviation for bowel movement. You'll notice that most people abreviate with bmom

[Vogi2002]

I agree, clear it with your agency FIRST. In Texas, our agency specifically said NO GIFTS until AFTER placement and they have signed, even then they don't think gifts are necessary (little gifts for birthdays, etc, are "acceptable" but not needed). They told us that ANY gift can be seen as "bribery" and is ILLEGAL in most states. Of course, they tell thier birthmothers this also, so they don't expect anything...

I love the flowers idea...even a small arrangement. That doesn't seem like bribery to me because they don't last forever....

Anyways, just a warning!!

Natalie

[HBV]

We brought her flowers the day she was induced, and some magazines for the hospital. We cleared the gift w/ our agency first, but got her a little sapphire (H's birthstone and bmom's favorite color) cross. We gave her the cross the day she was discharged.

[polkadotghost]

We were introduced to our daughter's birthmom through a friend of ours and developed a very strong relationship with her prior to birth. We brought her a vase of her favorite roses, a bag of treats/games/magazines, and two identical stuffed animals (one for her and one for baby). Our agency cleared it all. I wanted her to hold something when she left the hospital (when I left the hospital after my son died it killed me not to hold something, not the same in anyway but wanted her to hold something). I love the necklace idea wish I'd thought of that!

[gottahavehope]

Our birthmother contacted us when she was only 8 weeks pregnant. We gave each other lots of different things over the months we bonded. I sent her cards, and we made her a video of our life. We sent her lotions and maternity clothes. She made a plaque for the babies nursery for us and sent us baby clothes. We also sent her a vermont teddy bear on Mother's day, which was a few weeks before Jack was born. At the hosptial, we gave her flowers after the delivery and a locket that was engraved. I am sending her a photo album this week with pictures we took the past two weeks. At the hospital, she gave my husband a tee-shirt that said Best Dad Around, Hands Down! There is a place to put Jack's handprints. She also made a cast of her pregnant belly and decorated it and gave it to me to keep for when Jack is older. My lawyer was okay with all of this.
Peace,
K