[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by traceyk

However we did wait the 30 days for the Putative Father Reg. thing because he was unknown. But under the conception circumstances we knew there was no way he would come forward.

I don't want to take this too far off topic, so please forgive me for this - but this is the first time I have seen mention of conception circumstances. The bf in my case did come forward but because of DNA evidence.

When you adopt a child who was the result of an illegal act - how does one ever go about explaining that to our child? Of course, my son is too young right now, but one day he will not be and he will want to know. Ooooh - that worries me quite a bit. I don't want him to EVER feel wrong about his conception, or his adoption.

Again, I don't want to go OT - so I apologize for doing so. But I am so glad I have seen another case like ours and hope to benefit from others' experience with this.

Thanks.

[HBV]

We had an early referral like this (wound up placing w/ another family) Lois Melina's book on Adoption has some good advice on handling it.

[traceyk]

I don't know yet as Drihan is only 14 mo. It is all written out in the notes from our SW so it is something we have to tell her. We have thought about this long and hard and haven't the answers. We too are worried because in the paperwork it also states "F wanted to have an abortion but it was too late when she was aware of the pregnancy" I have to explain that too! Our notes are very descriptive about other things too and it is something we will have to face one day, but I know we can get through it with a lot of love and understanding. We however do not plan on telling her this stuff until she is 18 and wants to hear it.

[DebCsMom]

It's tough when you need to explain the circumstances. One of our DD BDad is in prison, will be for a long time. What he's in for will be hard to tell her. His family is also VERY bad & that too will be hard to tell.

Our 2nd DD's BDad is young. He knows of the adoption, agreed to it but so far BMom hasn't let us contact him. I think it's her way of keeping her to herself right now.

Our DS BMom said BDad was unknown in the paperwork. Then gave just a first name & some history. Over the course of his almost 3 years of life, I have heard of 3 other men as his BDad! That will be tough to also explain, which one is he!!!???

Deb