[anarchamama]

When we talk about adoption. DH and I have been discussing adoption seriously and if we go for it will probably start the proces in the fall. I have started to mention it to close friends and family, and everyone is like "why?" "oh you better think about that carefully" "have you thought this through?". Now first off DH and I are very cautious people, and concientious parents to our 2 bio sons, so why would they think we would do anything rash? Second of all it's a way more involved process with a lot more thought involved for me to adopt then it was to have bio kids! I mean we planned our kids but it wasn't a particularily slow process......I just don't get why people are so negative. My dad was like "why would you put yourself in debt when you are perfectly capable of having biological children?" He didn't even ask for the reasons we were considering it. After I talk about the reasons people are like yeah i guess os, but you better know what your getting into...........

I guess I just want to know that its not such a big deal....and don't get why people aren't more supportive.

Blah
Heather

[DebCsMom]

I think that's a pretty normal reaction when you begin the adoption process. When we began telling people we were going to adopt, we got all kinds of responses, mostly negative..AT FIRST! Until we explained why, then it was alright. You will come across this problem even after you adopt, get use to it! LOL

GOOD LUCK on your future journey!!!!

Deb

[mom2justynsarah]

Yep, I agree..bleh! Unfortunately, you need to grow thick skin. You are probably going to keep hearing it. The thing to do is let it go in one ear & out the other.

When we announced we were going to pursue adoption for our second child (we already had a bio child), you would have thought we had just announced somebody died. My family & friends reacted very negatively.

However, I am happy to report that now they realize how wrong they were. Once they met my daughter, they went crazy over her. They can't get enough of her. They LOVE her!!!!!

Keep forging forward. You will never regret it.

[myheart]

[quote=anarchama], but you better know what your getting into...........[QOUTE]

The reason so many people have this attitude is because they have not educated themselves on this subject.
People, who are not familiar with the reality of adoption tend to have the medias idea of adoption and we all know that their information is not the whole truth. I received comments like that all the time,. worse even. People would say to me,"I just don't want you to get hurt, if the adoption does not go through". I was not afraid so why would people feel that I needed their input on my decisions. Well, I know now they only cared for me and they did not want me to be hurt. 2) They had no clue on what adoption was about. They are now more educated, and they are all (friends and family) so in Love with my son. There are still some who are leary about our open adoption, but the reality of this is..... it is my life and only I know what is best for me and my family. They have no clue on how wonderful my life is with my sons b-family. Why? I have a few ideas..1) some are jealous....they do not want to share our son ( I find this quite ironic, because usually its the a-moms who do not like sharing ....2) They are not interested in getting to know my sons other family....and thats fine with us. We have the relationship and thats all that matters.

I guess I just want to know that its not such a big deal....and don't get why people aren't more supportive.

Blah
Heather

If this is what you truly want, than do not allow others to cloud your mind. This has to do with you and your immediate family(children and hubby). They and only they should have influence on your decisions, because this will also affect their lives. Adoption for us has been fiiled with nothing but blessings.....no heartaches...only Love.
Be blessed......

Many Blessings,
Myheart

[minxycat]

Hi!
We got mostly negative reactions too. Especially because we were adopting through the state and we are both well into our forties. It was especially tough because before we had kids we were basically very happy in our lives and people made us feel like we would ruin what we had. Because we had so much to lose all the doubters made us fearful about going through with it. But we took a gamble and God are we glad we did. We've had our son and daughter almost three years now and our lives are so much richer and meaninful now. It's indescribable really, but we are deliriously happy as a family and as parents! So happy in fact that we hope to adopt one or two more.

So ignore the naysayers and go with your heart!
Janice aka minxycat

[ChristieS]

I think the "naysayers" are probably just worried about you - I doubt they mean any harm. Unfortunately there are some adoptions which do not successfully conclude - and the pain resulting from such is what your loved ones do not want you to go through. However, if you really want to adopt you have to make the decision for yourself, knowing things don't always work out like we want them to. Yes, you do have to have very thick skin and be willing to go through failed and contested adoptions - but yours may be perfect, or it may not.

For myself, I support anyone's decision to adopt, but I do want them to also know what can, and does happen sometimes and the possibility of heartache. I NEVER want anyone to go through what we have been through. (You can check out the "Failed and Contested Adoptions" forum) - but again, this should not dissuade you from going for what is right for your family.

If you can see that most likely these are the people who love you the most and are worried about what "may" happen - well, that is a chance we take every day when we walk out the door. Try not to get mad at them - it may take them some time to accept that this can be a most wonderful opportunity.

I pray for you and your family a lovely child and a "friendly" adoption where your hearts are fulfilled and all goes well.

[Linny]

We had the same reactions....even from agencies whre we had to prove that we didn't have infertility issues! But, I'll say this too.....IF you are going into older child adoption.....PLEASE make sure that you DO know what you're getting into.
Older child adoption requires a totally different way of parenting and involves a world that only the most educated are ready to deal with, I think. We have had horrible experiences with older child adoption, and this is why I feel the need to express that couples are VERY well versed in what they could experience.
If you are going into infant adoption........I think people get their ideas from the media (as someone else said); and also from the fact that they might feel they just 'can't love another person's child like they love the bio kids'. Nothing could be further from the truth; but it's a fear some people hold on to.
Just work through it all. Make sure you prepare yourself thoroughly---regardless of what kind of adoption you're in to.......and realize that a lot of us have BTDT with silly remarks too.
I continue to have people who think I'm nuts for wanting another baby at the age of 49! (Our two youngest are now 3 and 4yrs old....adopted as infants.) Their idea of 'this age' is riding a Harley with their spouse or new boyfriend and thinking 'it's all about me'.
Sorry......we just don't fit that mold!

My best to you........

Sincerely,

Linny

[HBV]

That's why we didn't really tell many people we were going through the process. We only disclosed on a "need to know" basis, and for the people whose opinions were important to us (close friends and family) we offered to lend them our resource books so they could learn aobut the process with us.

You have gotten good advice here---don't waste any energy getting angry. People just don't know how it works, and frankly, why would you expect them to if they haven't done it? Most people are far too concerned about themselves to take the time to say something deliberately calculated to hurt you, so chalk it up to them being uninformed and either educate them if you've got the patience for it, or ignore them if you don't.

[PaperPregnant]

Heather,

I think people only hear about the bad adoption stories and base their feelings on that.

It's funny, we have not had a single person question our decision. Mind you, we have not been able to have bio kids, so maybe they would react differently in a situation like yours.

But, here's my 2 cents, there are so many children who need a home, if you are loving and caring enough to want to open yours to one (or more ) of them, then you are wonderful people! Just come here, we will give you all the kudos and accolades you want!