[melliemoo]

We got matched about a month ago for a baby boy due in September. The pbmom has placed before and it seemed like a good secure (as secure as one can be) situation. She has gone to every appointment, made every phone call she said she would make, agreed we could name the baby, etc. We are flying to meet her next week and to go to her next doctor's appointment, and she has a video of the ultrasound for us. It seems to be going well.

M (pbmom) met with the lawyer and social worker last week. I called and left messages with them on Friday to see how the appointments went, and I also left M a message. I talked to the social worker on Monday, and she said that M was late and they didn't have much time to talk, but had agreed to reschedule. Her quick take was that M seemed very financially motivated. The lawyer said their meeting went well, and they contacted the pbfather and got relinquishment papers to him, which he said he would sign. So that was a relief.

M never called me back, so last night I called her again. Imagine my shock hearing her answering machine message:

(beep) "Hi! You've reached M, A and V (her kids) and soon to be baby Junior!"

That does not sound to me like a woman making an adoption plan. So of course I panicked. I called my facilitator and left her a message, and we just spoke. She agrees that this is a major red flag. She told me to call the lawyer and the social worker and see if they can follow up and find out what's going on. Maybe M is having second thoughts, who knows. I know she can't afford to have this child but if she wants to keep him I understand. I'd rather find out now if there is a problem instead of after we've paid money and gone to visit, but it still sucks. I can't think anything but the worst at this point.

Melissa =)

[Emster]

I can see why you're worried, but you have a great attitude about the whole thing. I'll be praying that things work out for the best for all involved!

[Fran27]

This really sucks I understand that they can change their mind, but making an adoption plan while having such messages on their answering machine is just so so wrong... It sounds like a scammer to me, especially if she never told anyone she changed her mind and is asking for money. I hope you haven't paid too many living expenses yet

[melliemoo]

Thanks you guys. Luckily we haven't spent a dime yet, other than to buy plane tickets for next week, but that's on Southwest so we can use the credit.

She did place a child for adoption already, so it seemed like a good situation. I just found out from the lawyer that adoption was never done legally - it's a family friend who has the child, but they never signed any papers. So now I am definitely a little leery.

Melissa =)

[StorkWatcher]

Melissa - what a way to find out something like this! Oh my. Please keep us posted. We'll be thinking of you and hoping things are resolved quickly, before you make the trip.

[kdibattista]

I'm so sorry... thoughts and prayers for you

[kelceesmom]

We will be thinking of you. I would say follow your gut instinct. We are usually right. Good luck.

[Brittmomto3]

I think you are SMART noticing this RED FLAG ... It does seem weird and definetly something to put on the table. Like you said it is better to know now, then latter. But you are right ...still a major upset. She has every right to choose to parent. It sounds as if you two had a nice relationship. Can't you just ask her if she is having second thought? Was that a new message? or the first time that you heard her message? Hopefull you are freaking out over NOTHING an she is just busy with her kids and life in general.


keep us posted,

[srusse24]

Melissa- I hate to think this is falling through for you. Stay positive though, there could be an explanation for this.

Just remember, everything happens for a reason. If it does fall through, this situation was just not meant for your family.

Best of luck! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[redbonec]

So sorry for this worry on your shoulders!

Hopefully you will know soon.

Keep us posted.

[PaperPregnant]

Melissa -

I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with such a situation! I remember you (a little) from the IF boards (I was Shellebelle) there, and know that it's probably been a hard road and it just stinks that you may be facing yet another obstacle. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that things work out! Has the pbmom had any counselling? I assume so since she's been meeting with the SW...

Keep everyone here posted! I hope that she has not been scamming you... and for a wonderful outcome ending with her placing that baby in your arms soon!

[maviskat]

Melissa, keeping you in our thoughts and hoping all works out for the best. Have faith that if it is meant to be, it will be. (I know, easier said then done, though.) Good luck!


Maviskat

[ajrl]

Oh Melissa, I am sorry. I hope you find out now too rather than later. I will be thinking of you. Just let us know. I know it's hard but we are here for you.

Andria

[ContactChar]

Melissa,


Hang in there! Hopefully, there's a reasonable explanation for this. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

Char

[melliemoo]

Thanks to all of you for the well wishes. It's so hard not to worry! This was a new message; when I called her last Friday it was not there.

I got a call from my SW yesterday. She had tried calling M two days ago about her appointment today, and heard the voicemail and thought it was very bizarre as well. However, M did call her back yesterday and left her a message, and the SW thinks that's a very good sign that she intends to keep the appointment. And she said she would discuss the phone message with M. Then right as I hung up with her, my facilitator called me back and said she'd just spoken with M. M said she'd been really tired, and that she did have to start working again. She mentioned we had called and said she'd call us back last night after she got the kids to bed. The facilitator thinks it's a good sign that M at least took her call. She thinks it is the SW's place to discuss the message and that I shouldn't say anything at all about it. The SW will call me back today after they've met.

M did not call us last night. I took the facilitator's advice and called her at 8:30 and her phone did at least ring several times, so she was probably still putting the kids to bed. The facilitator wanted me to gently "remind" her that her appointment was today with the SW. When I worded the message, I think I implied it was okay for her to just call us today after the appt, so I'm not totally alarmed. DH and I think that if she doesn't make the appt and we don't hear from her that we're going to walk away. But if she goes to the appt, we'll go ahead and go visit next week and see what happens face to face. I think she's just kind of flaky and not thinking at all about our feelings (which I think is normal). She just isn't one of those warm fuzzy women, and my facilitator says it's pretty normal for pbmoms to talk if we call, but not necessarily call on their own. I guess it could be a lapse in judgement, or maybe she's just fantasizing. I am still anxious as all getout, but we'll just see how today goes.

Melissa =)