[KristineM]

Well, I finally got a response to the Mohter's Day gift I sent to our daughters birthmother. I bought a beautiful little wooden trinket box that had a drawer lined with red velvet. I had a curl from our daughters first real haircut and tied it with a little pink ribbon. I thought it would be sentimental for her.

she told me she thought it was "cute". CUTE. Not the reaction I was expecting... What do you all think?

[BrandyHagz]

I think, when you have expectations of a reaction, you set yourself up for disappointment.

Maybe it wasn’t her style…? I’m not a big trinket/memory box kinda girl…my reaction most likely would have been similar…

I value the relationship and connection we have far more than I will ever value a gift…S knows that and has never given me anything other than a card, to acknowledge the holiday.

I know your disappointed because you expected so much more…so maybe next time, try to give a gift without an expectation…in the end, you might both be happier.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by KristineM

Well, I finally got a response to the Mohter's Day gift I sent to our daughters birthmother. I bought a beautiful little wooden trinket box that had a drawer lined with red velvet. I had a curl from our daughters first real haircut and tied it with a little pink ribbon. I thought it would be sentimental for her.

she told me she thought it was "cute". CUTE. Not the reaction I was expecting... What do you all think?

Awww, I know how you feel. I have sent stuff to Dee (daughter's bmom) that I thought would be sentimental. She too had the "cute" responses.

I honestly think (although I could be wrong) that it must be very painful for bmoms to receive such sentimental gifts. Who is really experiencing the sentimental feelings? Amoms feel this way because WE are the ones actually experiencing/feeling these things.

I remember being really excited to send Dee a bunch of adorable & sentimental pictures of Sarah. When she called to say she received them, I asked her what she thought. (mind you, I am grinning ear to ear on one side of the phone).

Her response? "They are cute". That's all she said. I felt like saying CUTE?! What do you mean cute?? How could she just think their just cute???!! They are ADORABLE, PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL...lol. (but I didn't say anythng like that to her).

Two weeks later, she called again to chit chat. She mentioned that she LOVED the pictures. She LOVES getting pictures of Sarah. Please continue sending them.

So, I think it may take some time for bmom's to sort their feelings out. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot? I am not too sure I would react with the same enthusiasm either.

Bmom's please correct me if I am wrong. I don't mean to make a sweeping generalization on how you feel. It's mainly a strong vibe I get from Dee.

[WLD]

KristineM - I think you did a very thoughtful thing by giving the gift. Unfortunately, not everyone values the same things. Just know that you were trying to do something thoughtful and in the future know that she doesn't want that for whatever reason.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Well... it doesnt necessarily mean she doesnt like or want it. Perhaps she didnt know what the right thing to say was... Is she normally emotional around you?

[KristineM]

She is kind of hard to read sometimes.

[ourdreamcametru]

I'd just be excited that she even mentioned it! Castle's birthmother didn't even mention the hardbound book of Castle's first year we sent her for her birthday in April. We worked hours on that book and have just finished the second year and have it ready to mail. I think if bmother is young she just doesn't appreciate things the way we had hoped they would right now but later they will mean so much more I think. At least I hope Right now our bmother isn't even responding to us so all we can do is know we sent it and that we are open to communication and go from there. I personally think your gift was very nice!

[fostadoptblog]

I made a video of our daughter's first year and sent it to Bmom for christmas. It took over a year for her to watch it, then she finally said she watched it. That was it,.. no reaction.
I think it is probably hard for her to acknowledge how well our daughter is doing. I know she WANTS her to do very well, but I think it is emotionally difficult for our bmom.... Anyway, I give her things with no expectation, but I also don't always give on holidays...EAch experiece must be different for all of us....we are all different....

[kdibattista]

Originally Posted by KristineM

Well, I finally got a response to the Mohter's Day gift I sent to our daughters birthmother. I bought a beautiful little wooden trinket box that had a drawer lined with red velvet. I had a curl from our daughters first real haircut and tied it with a little pink ribbon. I thought it would be sentimental for her.

she told me she thought it was "cute". CUTE. Not the reaction I was expecting... What do you all think?

I'm sorry you didn't get the reaction you were hoping for . It is such a thoughtful gift and something that she will probably treasure, even if she doesn't say so.