[Andrea Shea]

Oh my goodness...where to start?!?!?!?

Tammi - I am sending you encouraging thoughts tonight. I know how you feel. September 11th, among obvious reasons, is depressing to me because it will mark our 3 year anniversary of waiting to be matched. I know how I feel when I see a baby or child in Walmart with someone who doesn't look like they can take care of themselves much less a child, and I feel heartbroken. I am not a teacher, I cannot imagine what it must be like to be around children all the time. I know it must be rewarding yet very difficult at times. Also, to have memories of your loved ones passing is a double edge sword....sometimes the memories of times spent with them are a comfort and at others a heart breaking experience. Espcially when the anniversary of their passing is so close to each other. I wish things were different for you...I truly do. I know what you mean about the empty house also, when I sit for my nephew who is four, the house is so alive. When he goes home and it is just me and my husband it is just overwhelming how the reality of silence comes back. Please know that we are here for you. We all have our times of "what do I do with me now?"

Natalie - you are so funny, I swear, my husband "chipped" our porcelain sink while installing it. Chunked is more like it, I have been made to deal with it. He always puts the gorilla grip on and cracks, scratches, dents, tears, ect, anything he is "fixing". A bull in a china shop....I still ask him to do things around the house, so what does that make me exatically??

Canmom - I am sorry that your visit didn't go very well. I still think that you & your husband should be on the same vibe before pursuing things much farther....I know it is very very very hard , and very easy for me to think that. I hope you understand that I am not trying to tell you that you shouldn't pursue your dream of being a parent. At least he is now in the mindset that he wants to adopt a child. That is a step forward from the beginning, right?

Paper pregnant - First of all, I love your little user name. That is great and I am suprised that no one has used that saying before. Welcome welcome. There is an unlimited amount of support here for waiting parents.....God knows I have used this as a sounding board and a shoulder for support. Enjoy and I am looking forward to hearing about your adoption journey.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIKKI!!!!
29 was easy, I don't want to talk about 30. Hopefully you will hear from your bmom as a birthday gift. Keeping my thoughts with you dear. Enjoy!!

Karyn - All the best to you and your family now. I am so sorry for your news.

Leslie - I hope you are able to fix the teacher thing, I know it has been a lingering worry about school ect. I think that it is just wrong that the teacher was not better prepared for him, way to go school system

For anyone I missed - I am so sorry if I missed you tonight. I am so grateful for this thread, I feel you are all friends, and I can't wait to get online in the evenings to catch up.

Goodnight, Andrea

[PaperPregnant]

Good morning all!

Tammi - Your photoprofile was on the front page when I opened adoption.com this morning! Hopefully lots of people will see it today!!

Andrea - Thank you for the compliment. When I first joined I was concerned about it offending someone... LOL. But, it's pretty much the truth, and there's never a way to please everyone anyhow! How have you survived three years of waiting?

Nothing new on my end... just hanging out with my cell phone .

[Vogi2002]

Heyyyya girlies!! Not much new here, broke down and sent a "update" email to my SW (love her!) last night, just asking if they have recieved any feedback from our profile, they said they had not, but thier staff LOVED it! Also, they asked if we would be open to a 1/4 East Indian, 1/4 Hispanic, 1/2 Anglo baby, we said yes, they aren't even sure she will be a client for them but they were just asking to see how many families they had. So, maybe something, maybe not, I'm not getting my hopes up.

I have to tell you ladies that I have kinda dove into this whole "Susie Homemaker" bit. I have been cooking every night, keeping up on the housework, cleaning, keeping the house picked up, and everything. OMG somebody please get me a baby soon or I'm going to just poop out at any time! LOL I have really enjoyed cooking every night though, it's MUCH easier if you have your meals all planned and groceries bought. Plus, there is always leftovers to take for lunches!! YUM! Anways, between that and working out I have tried to keep busy. This weekend will be a "at home" weekend and I am hoping to get some stuff done (cleaning, organizing, etc). We'll see how well that works out. Dh is FINALLY going to go through his TONS of clothes (most of which don't fit anymore). So YEAH, more closet space for me I'd say i'm just kidding, but y'all know I'm SO not! Ha!

Paper- I tried to check out your blog but it is protected!! I was all excited too, I LOVE putting faces with names (although I'm HORRIBLE with names, I never remember them!)


Andrea- I know, we are partly to blame, why let them do anything when they just break everything?? LOL, hey have you tried "Bar Keepers Friend" for your sink? I thought it worked MUCH better than Comet....

Nikki- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 29 is not even CLOSE to 30...gees it's like 365 days away!!! Plus, don't you stop aging at 29 LOL, I know one of my girlfriends have been 29 for a particularly long time...

CanMom- too funny joke!! How are you doing today? Any better?

Anybody else want to be snuggled in bed right now?? Or at least at home snuggling with my babies (dogs)....maybe I'm getting sick Yeah right, I don't have the nerve nor the acting skills for that. I'm cursed to be a bad liar....or maybe blessed?

Natalie

[KarynB]

Hey all!

How's everyone doing out there? Things here are ok, i haven't heard anything from BIL today so we are still waiting by the phone. Story of my life...

Nathalie - hmm...that sounds interesting about the baby your SW mentioned. Keep us posted...(as if you wouldn't!)...It's weird you say that about the Suzie homemaker bit cause that's the stage I am going through too - i think we've been waiting about the same amount of time, so I wonder if this is a normal prgression. the first month was torture, now i have fallen into more patiently waiting bt getting organized, shopping for baby (enter throat clearing here - anyone else do this - SANDY!!!), and cooking - last night i made a ham with twice baked potatos, and honey-orange carrots - usually we have scrambled eggs and frozen french fries!!!! i don't know what has come over me...

Andrea - three years of waiting, wow. I so admire your determination and perserverance. How are you holding up with the 3rd anniversary coming up?

Tammi - are you feeling ok today? I have no words of wisdom so will just send you a big

Canmom - how are you guys holding up? Any better than yesterday? I send you an email as per your request - just so you know I am just giving info, not trying to sway the decision. I know it is tough with so many options out there - just follow your heart and you'll end up in the right place.

Sandi - we are thinking we will need a bigger house too once we get a referral - we only have a two bedroom - although DD is now in a third room DH built this past summer (do I ever have some home repair stories from that one - I'll start with a good one - her bunkbed doesn't even fit in it!!!!!). So if we get a girl she can't share a room with DS, and now DD is getting too old to share, so not sure what we'll do once baby isn't with us in our room anymore. But our area is SO expensive so once I am home with baby we won't be able to afford anything bigger...sigh...so many dilemmas!!!

Nikki - what are you doing to celebrate your birthday? Anything fun and exciting?

We are going camping this weekend with my parents - it's going to be COLD and we will FEEEZE buit have lots of fun too....but this means whole weekend with the parentals....yikes...can someone say "vodka"...hahaha...

[Andrea Shea]

Hello all!!!

ummmm, how to respond to how continue with the adoption process after waiting three years. Somedays are better than others, that I can assure you. I am on anti depressants, see a shrink, have a good husband and I work my *** off. I have four God sons and a nephew who loves me very much....I am the best "babysitter" around, nothing like being the childless friend who is better prepared than the parents are ya know? I have had a beautiful nursery that I probably will never bring a baby home to, and yet the cat enjoys very much...at least he uses the bouncy chair. My shrink told me to take it down, put it all away, paint the walls a neutral color and forget that these years of infertility and waiting are behind me and look to the future, let it go until the day arrives. He states it is like an alcoholic trying to forget about booze with a fully stocked bar in the house. Please understand that we are not waiting because we are particular on the sex, race, creed, ect with a baby. We simply want a healthy newborn baby to bring in and raise, love, and encourage. I know now that I am 30 and better educated on the pros and cons of agencies that we picked the biggest stinker in IL. I wish I could tell you that I have been courageous and brave, those of you who have been waiting months or a year......I hope it happens soon because you take what you feel now and multiply that by a hell of a lot to get to the feeling I have about waiting now. Bitter, yep, sad, yes. Depressed?? No dears, I am depissed. I am glad to say that I may be up to my armpits, but my head is still above the water. I will never loose hope, at least not this month.

[Leigh131313]

Cheetos+Toaster=Smoke-Filled-Kitchen

Who knew?


So.....I put M down for a nap. He's been REALLY trying lately, being 2 1/2 and all. Everything is a BIG HUGE fight when he doesnt get his exact way, I swear he becomes a ferril animal.

SOOOOOOOO when it was time to put him down for a nap today, you can imagine how relieved I was. I made a dessert, took it out of the oven to cool and came downstairs to (of course) use the computer.

After a while, I notice how completely quiet it is....and not the normal "he's asleep" quiet.....then, i notice this small sound, like maybe a plate on the counter..


I head upstairs thinking the dogs are into something, and then I realize the smoke. The Thick hazey smoke filling my living rooms vaulted ceiling...So, now i RUN to the kitchen...and there, on the counter Is MY SON- big smile on his face....and he looks at me and says..


Prepare for the most feared words a mom can hear from her 2 year old...


"I'm Cookin Mom"


So first I have to figure out where this smoke is coming from...quick check of the oven, NO.....look next to it and see the smoke puffing out of my (BRAND NEW) Toaster. I quickly pop up both sides. Two pieces of burnt toast and 2 absolutely FRIED cheetos pop out...


mmmm....delish.


Then I look over to my wonderful dessert....and something looks odd. There is something on it....like as if butter had seperated and risen to the top....


Then I notice the tipped over honey Jar.



Then I notice the honey dripping all over my (did I mention brand new?) Toaster.


SOoo....I grab a paper towel and wipe the sticky pool of honey off of my dessert (priorities here ladies, priorities) LUCKILY its a hard cookie like dessert and did not really absorb the honey. And hey, a little extra sweet never hurt anything. Thankfully he didn't chose the most disgusting thing in my cupboard (only the hardest thing to clean)

So...the dessert is safe


Then I start to examine the toaster......the pool of honey that is dripping out the bottom.....

Sooo I pull out those bottom trays...clean up as much as I can....and basically it is drip-drying on my cupboard as we speak....traces of honey still sneaking out the bottom.


After about 47 wipes with a clean soapy cloth...I still find my cupboard a little sticky, but it's manageable.







and how was YOUR day?

[Lovebug]

Oh no Leigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!!! In the end, though, at least M is perfectly fine. I totally get you on the ferril animal thing. A is 2.5, too, and trying is putting it lightly. PLUS, he DOESN'T nap! So by the end of the day, I want to just cry!

--Renee

[PaperPregnant]

Andrea - I'm so sorry! It sounds like you've had a terrible time with your agency... that really, really sucks!

Leigh - OMG... what a monkey you have there... how did he get on the counter? Chair drug over??

Natalie - YAY on the possible referral! I was just thinking about sending an email to my SW too. I have yet to thank her for our home study... I PM'd you with the info to log onto our website... (if anyone else wants it just let me know)

Have a good night all! I have an all day teambuilding outing tomorrow so I will be offline until Monday, so have a great weekend too!

[PaperPregnant]

Tammi - Any news? I saw your post from yesterday about the agency that called you... I have done some research on FAS, etc. out of curiousity. They should be able to tell at birth if the baby has true FAS, from what I have read. The statistics are pretty interesting too as far as what races are affected by FAS most frequently. I just googled it when I was researching it. Good luck!

[tyiakoum]

Thank you all so much for writing such heartfelt words of support and caring, which is why I totally love these boards.

That was awesome hearing that our profile was featured on these boards... wow.

We still wait to hear from both of our expectant mom situations... one here in state, one out of state.

I am having a really rough day but trying to get it together so I can be my usual perky and upbeat self for the kids at the homeless shelter. I leave in 30 mins to go to therapeutic play w/the kids while their moms are in therapy and classes. I totally love it and the time passes so fast when I am with them.

Then I get to come home, work out, feed Andreas (he is home on Fridays... and today I am so glad because he's such a great support when I am feeling blue) and then head off to the youth center for the rest of the day.

Yup, I am surrounded by kids, pretty much every day. It is a joy, though. It is also such a great opportunity for me to learn and grow as a person by observing them learn and interact. I am really thrilled when the most troubled kids open up to me. I guess it is great practice for mom-hood, though, I have to say being in the trenches as many of you are, the 24-7 nitty gritty is a whole different story than me just being with the kids a few hours at a time each day. I get to "send them back"!

I am really going to go into this day, feeling all of your caring and support surrounding me, so I can make these kids that I adore so much have a wonderfully uplifted and fun day themselves.

Sending everyone huge hugs of thanks,

[KarynB]

Morning all!

Well, thought I would let you in on the news of my BIL - turns out his tumour is operable - and so he is set for surgery for next week - so of course we will be heading down there to hang out and keep everyone company for the 8-14 hours the surgery takes. He will be deaf in one ear, and may have some facial paralysis, but that is goodnews i think compared to the alternatives. So, now we pray the surgery goes smoothly and he heals well (3 month recovery). Luckily they live close to the brain specialist capital ofg North America (who knew London, Ontario was so advanced!) and so we all have high hopes! Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts.

Andrea - my heart goes out to you. All I can say is that i really so admire your determination to be a mom, and please don't say that your nursery may always be empty - it WILL happen for you. it will. it will. When we adopted our son we already knew him from working in SA, and so leaving him for 9 months was beyond torture - he and his well-being consumed my every thought and action, especially because we had no idea if his adoption was even possible. I had to walk away from my little 2 year old and leave him in an orphanage and not know if I would ever see him again (in my mind he was already MY SON) - and the 10 months of waiting were beyond painful. So, I have a small glimpse into how truly hard this can all be - now we are waiting for #3 and of course i am anxious, impatient, some days I am sad, I so want a baby - but it is NOTHING like those ten months waiting for T. So please know that your are NOT alone, ok? I am not comparing my pain to yours, i just want you to know that you are not alone.

Ok - on to lighter things besides painful adoptions and brain tumours...

Leigh - you have a little monkey!!!! Have you seen that email about moms raising boys - if I can find it I will post it here but here are some I've added to the list of things i've learnt raising a boy:

1) Play-doh does NOT come out of shag carpet no matter how hard you try.

2) ANYTHING can become a weapon in the hands of a boy.

3) and let's add your lesson of the day - honey and cheetos do not cook well in a toaster. Honey will take 27 wipes with a soapy cloth to clean. lol

4) If any of you are lucky enough (yeah, right) to be matched with a baby boy or are already raising a boy - prepare to have EVERY type of bodily fluid spilled on you. Also, I hope you like the smell of farts - because they fart A LOT!!!!!!

Haha - please, all add to the wisdom here....

Will look for that email - it's really fuinny....

[CanMomEh]

I took yesterday off "sick". Friends had me over for supper on Wed night (too much wine) .
DH in states until Sunday. So I am just alone pondering the future.
I think I am going to set a new goal. When we first got married DH said to wait until I was 25. It kept me preoccupied until I turned 25 and then it was full steam a head lets get a baby. 3 years and I am tired. Tired of getting "no not right now" as an answer to my prayers. Tired of seeing the room I thought would be our childrens room empty and blank - waiting for me to spring into action and turn it into the perfect babies room.

I am going to turn it into my library. Paint the walls a deep red/burgundy/wine colour and get a leather chair and ottoman, fancy computer desk. Leave the other room that is currently the library as my sewing room. Enjoy the wonderfull room this allows me to sew quilts - my new hobby, Making baby blankets for friends who are PG (there are tons of them right now)

So.... Is 30 too old to become a first time mom? I have always felt that 20 was the perfect age, then 25 was and now I am wondering if 30 isn't as old as I thought. I think i will set the goal to 30. That gives him almost 2 years to get over his issues - if he wants to be a father, what could he handle (open adoption or older child) I just can't wrap my heart around "never becoming a mom" right now. It just hurts too much. Maybe I just need to keep moving the "deadline" until I hit the change! Then I will have a whole new set of hormonal issues that will distract me.

Again thank you all for your support.

[Vogi2002]

Can Mom - Okay, so if you want my opinion (and even if you don't I'm gonna give it to you ) I say two years is TOO MUCH time. If he said 25, now its three years over that, I would give him MAYBE a year, maybe, and that's if you feel good about it. See, I see it as he has always known you wanted children, so it is pretty darn selfish of him to up and say NO now. I know you love him, but you need to know if this is not going to happen, that way you can move on (if that's what you will choose). I know that when I told my dh that it was up to him, it was with the intention of going at the MOST a year. After that, we would rediscuss it...but basically I would have told him there are only so many options (IVF with guarentee, adoption) and if he didn't want ANY of them EVER then we would have to reduscuss the marriage. Kids is not something I'm willing to budge on. Period. I want them, he knew that going in, I am not willing to give that up. I know that is bad and selfish of me and my dh is supposed to come first (I DO love him with all my heart) but I just couldn't settle for nothing...okay I need to stop going off (as you can tell I went through the same thing so maybe I have leftover anger? LOL). I just don't feel like YOU should put YOU on the back burner, especially when he keeps changing his tune. Respect his space, just not to the point of disrespecting YOU and YOUR dreams....

Natalie another one for you!!

[KarynB]

Canmom - I have to say I TOTALLY agree with Natalie - I was just to chicken to say it!!! If you wait until you are 30 and then he still "hmms and haws" and you decide enough is enough and need to re-evaluate - then that is a lot of time. Especially since you've waited a few years already. I could never comprimise my need to have children - and to me it is a need, not a want. Not saying that is the case for you - or maybe you too are not sure if you are ready - but if you KNOW you are - i think 2 years in a LONG time to wait...as you've seen from these boards adoption often takes a few years to happen - so after you wait 2 years then you still have a few years to wait....

Of course, if this is ok with you then please just ignore me - but from your other posts it sure didnt' seem like this was ok with you! and I hope you are ok...

[StorkWatcher]

Can mom - Take my two cents. I was a first time mom at 33 (just a week after I turned 33 last year!)

My one regret about our adoption is that we didn't start sooner. I'd planned on starting my family at 22- 24 years old. That just didn't happen, so I'm about 10 years off track, but LOVING IT! I certainly don't think I was too old to become a mom for the first time, I just wish I'd been a mom longer because I love it so much!

And for me, age isn't an issue when thinking of having more kids. I wish we could have 2 or 3. Hubby, however, is older, and thinks he will be "too old" (HA! I know many of you other parents on here would disagree, as do I!) to have #2 once #1 gets a little older, so they're somewhat spaced apart.

The thought of our son being an only child almost makes me sick, I hope I can bring him around for #2.

Being older has many positives. My sister said I was WAY more mature and ready to handle a child than she was at 21. She thinks I'm calmer. I had a good 10 years to spend learning about kids and planning on how I hope to raise mine. Plus, I'm at a place in my life where all I want to do is devote everything to our son - I'm not out to find myself, get ahead with a career, or do a list of things I've always wanted to
do. I just want to be a mom.

While you might wish one day you'd been able to start your family sooner, it takes two to parent in your household, so you can't force your hubby to be ready sooner. And when you do start your family, hopefully you'll be able to enjoy full steam without regret for not doing some other things in your life.

Good luck! I am feeling for you in your position!