[ShandyNBeau]

Hi again all, I need to remember to check this thread often! It is great to hear from all you other waiting parents. The wait is agonizing for me and there are days where I drive myself nuts! I'm the type of person that constantly feels like I need to be proactive and DO something, so just waiting for the phone to ring and knowing our fate is entirely in someone else's hands is tricky.

We've prepared the nursery (well, mostly means we've painted, hung curtains, collected gear) we've collected hand-me-downs from friends and family, we've read books, gone to classes, we feel totally ready. Now we just need the baby!

It's been a rough few weeks-- the first "anniversary" of our second pregnancy loss, and also the birth of our niece. Of course my SIL got pregnant on the first try, and an entirely normal pregnancy, and has yet to ask us anything about our adoption plans. But hey what can you do.

Anyway I am reading and keeping up with you all and hope things start moving for all of us..

[Fran27]

Wow. Get busy for a week and stop reading the forum regularly and this thread is already 5 pages long. I hope the wait will be short for all of us.

Can I join the 'going crazy after one month' club?

About the name thing, I really like the idea of asking the pbmom's opinion. But we're mostly decided on Elizabeth (Lisa) Sarah for a girl and Christopher for a boy... except dh wants the middle name to be Wolf and I don't like it. I'd rather use Mark, which is also one of his dad's names. We keep arguing and I just don't understand why he wants to impose a name I don't like for OUR child. Ok, I did agree to it a few months ago, but I changed my mind. Am I not allowed to change my mind?

Nursery-wise, we have most of everything we will need for the first months. I even washed clothes, sheets etc (the clothes were all used from a consignment shop anyway), but the crib isn't set yet as we will want it in our bedroom the first few months and we'd rather have the extra space for now (the nursery is upstairs and our bedroom downstairs so it's not very handy otherwise). We haven't got anything from our family so we won't really count on that, so might as well be ready. It might have to do something with everyone telling us how premature we are, nevermind that we could get a baby tomorrow. Plus I don't want to have a shower for a particular match in case it falls through, so we're really on our own stuff-wise for the first months (although our parents paid for most of the adoption expenses).

How is everyone going to deal with the shower problem?

Someone mentionned using birth control methods during the wait - I think it's a good idea, even if for most of us it's probably not required anyway. But we've sure stopped trying for our 1% chance to conceive every month since we paid the $5000 of the advertisement fees - I would really not want to get pregnant now.

I had another question too - do any of you have pets, and what are your plans when your baby/child(ren) arrive(s)? I have nighmares of my dogs stealing the baby toys and burrying them in the yard.

[Lovebug]

Fran - This will be our second baby, so no hower this time around. For our son, my mom threw me a shower after we came home with him. I preferred it that way. We did reister, but i wanted to make sure everything was going to work out before we had the shower. We don't have pets, so I can't speak to that.

--Renee

[Vogi2002]

Oh wow it has gotten busy!! You know for some reason, i hadn't been getting thread watches for this particular thread...hmm...but i am now!!

Okay so next week is the big 2 day seminar for us. It seems like we have been waiting FOREVER for this. The problem?? Well we were supposed to each read three books while waiting, we have two done. We haven't even BOUGHT the third one!! It's just that we are really doing so much to try to earn money for this (dh with his OT, me with running the house, etc) we haven't had TIME to read!! We are both exhausted by the time we go to bed and are running crazy on the weekends!! Anyways...i need to look on the list and purchase that third book....

OKay so anyways, about the seminar, we have this 2 day seminar to attend Thursday & Friday then we will schedule a Home visit, then we are "in the books" ! No telling how long it takes to get a home visit scheduled but I HOPE it's soon !! We are supposed to put together a profile also but we have one basically put together already, so we will just make changes (they talk about it in the profile) and we are good to go!

Another dilema I am having is right now I have 2 weeks vacation. In September I get another 2 weeks, BUT will lose my two weeks now if I don't use it. So, I need to take 2 weeks vacation before September. BUT what if I get matched right at the end and need those weeks?? They won't pay it out and don't carry forward...ugh the frustration. I think I'm just going to schedule a vacation...not go anywhere or anything, and hope that we can figure it out...so frustrating with all the unknowns.

As far as names go, dh and I have a few. I REALLY like the name Kylie for some reason, but also like Braxton for a girl. We also like Nathan, Cole, or Andrew (our last name is Runyan). I really like Cole but am iffy on wether it should be a middle or first name. The good thing about our agency/state (TX) is the birthmom will sign at a "relingquishment ceremony" like 48 hrs after birth and it is final. So we will wait to name it officially until then. BUT we know that it can change depending on which birthmom we get. DH is SET on us naming the child, I don't really care. I kinda feel like, from an adoptee's standpoint, that if the birthmom has a name picked out, we should honor it as so they won't be confused later, and out of respect. BUT like i said, i'm iffy on this conclusion....

Our nursery is coming along, we have a pack n play, bassinet, bouncer, tons of onesies but have yet to be washed, bedding, walls painted chair railing up, and decorations bought. We are using step-mother-in-law's crib her father had made for her (they are kindly giving this to us, soooo sweet, made out of solid oak and it is a beauty!!). Dh wants to buid a changing table but have it be a six drawer dresser so we can use it later on. We are picking up our crib next weekend and then dh will start on the changing table!!

Oh, and with the waiting thing, YES I would LOVE to be matched right away but then on another hand wouldn't mind waiting so we can save up money and pay for it ourselves and not have to borrow from my parents/his grandparents. They all are very sweet and say they don't mind but still. Even though we won't have to borrow much, pride thing ya know?

Is anyone planning on using the tax credit toward thier second adoption? Depending on how much we have saved and have to pay back we REALLY want to use it toward a second adoption...we don't plan on adopting again for a couple years but it will take that long to get our FULL refund back...(we will be able to use about 1/2 the credit the first year and 1/2 the second year)

Okay so i'm going to try to get all the personals in, PLEASE forgive me if i miss anyone!!

Nikki- that is funny about you and dh choosing names while driving, dh and I used to do that driving back and forth from KS while seeing our families!! We actually settled on Andrew Dillon Runyan. Then thought about it and realized one of our best friends names was Andrew (last name) Dillon!! LOL, we are better friends now than was then so we completely missed it!! Needless to say, that name was out! Oh and i LOVE the middle name Elizabeth!! I think that's a beautiful name! Have you ever picked out a PERFECT name then just POOF forgot what it was the next day? We do that all the time!

randloar- Kazakhstan is such a neat country!! Dh and I considered this for a while actually! I'm sorry about all you've been through and having a longer wait...I hope everything is smooth sailing from here! Int'l adoption has just as many headaches as domestic, unlike some people think, and there are JUST as many "what-if's!!"!! Good luck!!

Victoria- I know what you mean about being frustrated. What some people don't get is that YES being pg takes 9 months but you also have a light at the end of a tunnel...you have a END date. Although there are many uncertainties with pg also, adoption, IMO, has many more!!

Lovebug- CONGRATS on your HS being complete!! YEAH!! I know what a big accomplishment that is!! Congrats to starting the "official" wait!!

Leigh- okay so you are SOO good about posting girl!! Okay, so about that friend, that IS wierd!! I also have a VERY competitive friend, she rubbed being pg in my face (well not OBVIOUSLY but I did know what she was doing). She never called me unless she was blissfully happy just in case i might *know* that she had a fight with her dh or might be the slightest unhappy. Which is complete opposite of me who could care less, I LOVE that dh and I can fight it out then make up, it's called being MARRIED!! LOL, noone has the perfect life, and I think that's what makes us all so wonderfully unique and individually perfect!!

Britt- OMG i LOVE that saying!! Although...what happens if you have BOTH?? Let's just say I eat when I'm stressed....LOL...you get the picture!! hahaha

4baby02- I LOVE the name Jayden!! I completely respect your feelings about not being able to use it again, I think I would be the same way....I do love all your other names you have picked out though, my brothers name is Jacob..I just love that name!!

icun- Hello and welcome!! I'm sorry about your failed matches...that would be so hard to go through. Here's hoping a SMOOTH ride from here on out!! I agree with the name thing...I think it's best, until it is final, to keep a sort of "guard" up if that name REALLY means a lot (like family, or a favorite name). I do think that each child kinda has "thier" name...like it may not be a "elizabeth" to you once you see them....at least that's how my dogs were when we got them!! Oh I can't believe I just compared a pet to my child !! But they are like my babies!!

Dawn- WELCOME!! Hey, better late than never right? LOL, no j/k I think this board is ALWAYS going to have newbies!! Good luck, it sounds like you are very "hands-on" with the adoption!! I hope your "struggle" with it pays off (which I KNOW it will) with your little one!!

Shandy- i know what you mean about the board, boy did it take off!! LOL I'm the EXACT same way as you about being active (i think they call us control-something's but i will NEVER admit to it!! hehe) I'm so sorry about your loss a year ago...that is so hard!! I hope next week is a little better for you. Did you do anything to commemorate your loss or just have a good cry? For some reason (I have thankfully never expc'ed a pg) on my birthday it is very hard for me...like another year without a child....it's also hard for me because that is around the time we were told that we would most likely NEVER get pg....oh and about your SIL, don't worry girl, for some people they just don't get it. My sister got pg first month, not trying, NORMAL pg, but thankfully she is a cheerleader of our adoption...but it still stunk when she was pg. Now she is pg for the second time and I, amazingly, am excited!!

Fran- okay love love Elizabeth Sarah...sounds so sweet!! Christopher is a very "gentlemans" name too, LOVE that!! So about the shower problem....we are having one AFTER the baby is born. I think it would be harder on me to have a shower and have a match fail...or have a shower and not really have that "excitement" of a baby or match....I have some aunts ready to go who will plan the shower for about three weeks after the birth. We have most of what we will need for those three weeks anyways, but registered for the rest....I have already registered (and changed it a gazillion times hehe!!) I also have pets...I am trying to begin to train them by walking around with a baby doll but to tell you the truth I feel like an Idiot!! Dh refused to do this until we have a match, but i don't think he will then either!! Our dogs are pretty good with kids and laid-back though so i'm not TOO worried....

Okay, so when you write this long of a post you KNOW that you need to post more often!! LOL

Natalie

[VictoriaW]

I had a weird situation happen to me with a close friend. She found out she was pregnant and took me out to lunch to see "how I would feel if I knew she was pregnant"... I got the message. But then they waited another 4 months to make a formal annoucement over dinner one night as a "BIG" surprise. I was hurt and very annoyed that they would make it such a huge deal for our benefit (my husband I were the only ones at dinner w/them). They knew all we were going through and it was like salt to the wound. Everytime my husband I would come over, they would show us all the new baby things, talk about the importance of breast feeding, saving the placenta, and discuss her nutrition while preganant. I also hosted the shower, bought gifts, and smiled all through it all while answering phone calls from our former surrogate (after 3 failed IVFs.) Needless to say we hardly see them at all sicne the baby was born. Mostly because I think they are uncomfortable around us. There is a definite feeling of "poor them, so glad it's not us".

Now that we are adopting, I know who the people are who are truly supportive.

[Leigh131313]

Natalie...
How the heck did you keep track?? lol, posting more frequently is MUCH easier!! lol

I do post fairly frequently...but I'm the moderator for this forum, so I just get my 2 cents in each time i see new posts.

Dawn!! Welcome!! Still waiting to hear about that boy...grrr....my eyes are still crossed for ya.

Proudmum, I know what you mean. I'll be happy if it takes a while...ds could use more time. But, like you said you have to weigh the pro's and cons...it could take a while...or not. Blah! lol

It's funny how we come up with dates that seem more significant to our waiting (adopting/infertility). For me, Christmas was big..when Christmas would pass, I'd always hope that by the NEXT Christmas we'd have a little one to share it with.

As for showers, I would DEFNITELY NOT want one before baby was home. We had our first shower two days after the revokation period was over (10 days after signing). It was perfect timing....it really let me celebrate for the first time.

We have two dogs, and I gotta tell ya....they drive me nuts now..lol. Now, i never was the type to think of my dogs as babies, so I'm probably not the best person to ask...They are also getting older..and with that some "issues" are arrising, but they are still good dogs (for the most part anyway)

Fran, sure you can join the crazy club!!!


Well that's about it from here....for now anyway!

[Leigh131313]

Victoria, you posted while i was typing...

Sorry I can't find the "make me puke" smiley to show you how your post REALLY made me feel.

Like you said...you find out awful quickly who your true friends are.

The girl who I spoke of earlier has made some very derogatory comments about adoption since my sons arrival. Never directly at ME of course, but about other adoptive parents....like in regards to a friend of mine who has adopted and given birth...She asked me if my friend felt the same about all of her chldren, because she is so bonded to her son, she just can't imagine.

So, I of course knew she was trying to tell me she was more bonded to her son than I.....did i mention that she left her son with her husband FOR 8 MONTHS, while she lived in my house and waited for them to move here (she got a job here before their house sold) she only saw him like twice during that time. He wan't even 2 years old yet.

Yeah, really bonded.

[Vogi2002]

LOL- Leigh, I have been reading daily, but i also love the "view this thread" when posting tool!! hehe, i can just go through the posts again!!

Victoria- I agree that who needs fly-by friends at this stage of our lives? I think some people just don't get it. Now, I will say I can see how talking about baby stuff is ALL you do...basically because now that's all I do...but there is that line where it crosses from conversations to annoyance bragging or lecturing. And as for that "big announcement" that friend i was talking about called when she found out she was pg and went "Oh my gosh I'm PREGNANT, okay gotta go!". Nice, and it was LITERALLY said just like that. Now, i know how you have to call a MILLION people but dang, i mean COME ON!!

Also, a cousin of mine just found out she was pg, just graduated college, going to medical school, her dh was going to graduate school, no medical insurance, anyways big deal, she's happy but freaked out. I call her on Thursday wish her congratualtions, doesn't call me back until Weds, called her back like 30 min after (i was in a meeting with the adoption agency at the time) and haven't gotten a call back since. That Weds was May 17th. Nice, and we were pretty close. People keep saying "maybe she doesn't know what to say, or is just busy" but to me that is just rude. Besides i'm not that "little engine that could", I'm ADOPTING and am PROUD of it!! I could care less who gets pg and has a baby, that's not MY baby, i want MY baby!! Does that make sense??? I think i might be blabbing

Natalie

[Leigh131313]

Nope..that makes total sense! you CAN still be happy for other people.

I remember when my old boss (awesome guy) was talking about how lucky i was, not having children he knew we were trying to adopt, and was just making light.....he made the comment "They are SO expensive, you have no idea!" to which I commented...I do know, they are $$$$ (insert adoption fee here).

We CAN still be normal...lol

[Vogi2002]

leigh- That is funny about what you said to your boss!! I am like that, if people don't mean harm I don't mind poking fun at it!! This is going to sound horrible, but one day my sis and I were trying to find a parking space at Babies R Us and there were a million of those "expectant mom" parking spaces open...and i said "i'm just going to park here, for $$$ (again, insert adoption price here) I AM expecting!!" of course, then i parked in a regular parking spot and left those open, but still...it gave us a chuckle...

Oh, and I don't mean to sound like i'm completely jealousy-free either there are STILL times when i get that "cringe" that knot in your heart when you hear of some people being pg or having a baby. But its not that they are pg, it's that they are going to have a baby...i hope THAT make some sort of sense!! LOL

Natalie

[Leigh131313]

I think comments like that can only be understood by those who have been there. It's not like I didn't want my friends to have children.....I just wanted to be one of 'em!!

[Fran27]

I guess I'm lucky because I don't have any close friend that just got/wants to have children. I'm usually not annoyed at people having children though, just at how easy for them it is to have some. When we have to deal with all that horribly expensive paperwork and that stupid WAIT (plus the IF stuff for some of us).

Got to admit, I don't know how fertile people have the courage to go through this.

[Leigh131313]

I just saw a post that gave me an idea..

Anyone here interested in doing a fabric swap for a 100 wishes quilt?

How it works, is you swap fabric squares of a specific size....along with a note to be kept in a scrapbook. You then make a quilt of all the squares. It's a Chinese tradition...but I like it! I wanted to do it with our first, but did not get enough responses from family and friends...not to mention, i didnt pursue it enough.

PM me if you are interested, and I'll organize it!

[ShandyNBeau]

Hey girls. I am going to try to be more regular on this thread, it is great to hear from people in the same situation. In "real life" there are none that can understand what we have been through w/ infertility and loss and now adoption.

About the birth control question, I personally have gone back on the pill. Mainly to save me from the pain of my cycles, but also to prevent pregnancy cause right now we are so committed to adopting and the desire to be pregnant and carry a child has really GONE. I do get twinges around friends and family who are pregnant, trying, or have little babies.... but it is more about wanting to be a mom nowadays and less about wanting to experience the pregnancy.

Fran27 we weren't sure what to do about a shower either. We thought we'd have a big "welcome to the family" party after the baby came home and we were through w/ the 30 day waiting period. But, several of my aunts have asked if they could throw me a shower and that is really sweet, so I figured we'd do it but still after the baby is here.

Also, about the dog thing.... we have really struggled with this. We had two golden retrievers and one had been severely epileptic since he was a year old. He had some pretty serious medical issues that we were dealing with as a result of damage and paralysis from the seizing. We were okay trying to cope with his medical problems, but he started getting extremely aggressive and we made the decision to let him go in April. It was so hard, but we finally realized we couldn't manage him and a baby and he was just never going to live a full, happy, healthy life.

Our other golden is just a puppy at 10 months old. Right now we are getting her out w/ people and kids as much as possible. We keep baby toys around the house and let her wander in and out of the nursery sniffing all the stuff. We found w/ my sister's dogs that the most important thing was not acting any differently around them once the baby came. Not scolding them for being near the baby or the baby's things. We let them get a sniff of the baby once in awhile. They were more afraid of her toys than anything. As the baby grew, she'd interact more and more with the dogs, but we made sure they had a safe place to get away from her for some downtime. She is 3 now and the 2 dogs are her best buds!

[Vogi2002]

Shandy- do you think that it's better for them to be able to go in the nursery or kinda start "keeping them out"? I shut the door and they don't go in there now, but am wondering if maybe i need to do the opposite and let them wander in??

I agree with the birth control thing, if i had any pain or anything with my cycles I would also do this. My main thing is I have never been on the pill and the side effects aren't very appealing to me...so i stay off. But I can definetely see how some would!!

Oh, and we are also going to have a "welcome baby" party. I think i'm going to let my girlfriend give this to me....she wants to throw me a shower but to tell you the truth most of my "girlfriends" down here in TX are up at work, and they will throw me a seperate shower! I will have a shower in KS too, my problem is keith's family is divorced so i'm not sure if we would have to do two....what a pain considering it's a 6 hour drive and we don't usually have a lot of time when we go up there. SO, i think i will just tell them we are doing one, big shower (of course unless they specifically throw one for me) and let them get over it!! LOL

Natalie