[NurseNikki]

Baby furniture is done! We finished our changing table/dresser this weekend, and it looks AWESOME!!! I couldn't load the picture here at work, so I will put it up tonight for all to see.

Dreams -- yes, I too had them. When we were going thru the IVF, I dreamed about a cute little boy, with DH's brown hair and big brown eyes. At one point, I even dreamed we had twins! Luckily for me, those have stopped recently, at least I hope so.

Natalie - I agree with miss005, YOU WILL BE CHOSEN, when the time is right. Our SW said $$ has a lot less to do with it than we think. That most pbmoms are realistic about what the adoptive family can do, even regarding two working parents. She said that in fact, most young women realize that in order for their kids to have what they want them to, mom has to work a lot more often than not. I too had the fear that we weren't rich enough, attractive enough, etc, but she helped lay that to rest with her explanation. Hang in there, girl!

We have not given up on our pbmom. DH has a gut feeling we will hear something today or tomorrow. I'm not sure about that, but after my long talk with our sub SW, I feel better about not hearing from her for a bit. We are just going to wait and see!

[CanMomEh]

Funny - I just had a dream the other day that frustrated a bit. Friends of ours - married a few years - she is 20 he is 24 and well they are interesteting (he is 6'11 and she is 4'9)- for 1 year she would not talk to me because I supposedly insulted her (imagine the most immaguture teenager -that's her). they got married because she told him that they were going to get married (she wears the pants). Now she always wanted to get pg and have babies (she was thrown into foster system when she was a teen because her mom couldn't handle her anymore. She went from foster system to marriage). But she was driving him nuts. she never finished High school and has never held a job down for more than a few months. although her house is spotless she cannot and does not cook her her husband (a truck driver) so he was getting really tired of her bossing him around all the time and her insulting all his friends to their face and he was going to FILE FOR DIVORCE. a few months later we get the call - their pg! she went off BC 'JUST TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN'
and now for the dream: I had a dream that they weren't pg but that they were adopting and they were ahead of us in the training and homestudy. and they were telling us how it is going to be and not to worry it will work out.
That dream made my head shake.

[CanMomEh]

Got this in an email today - had to share.

"True" Friendship


None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound
good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true
friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card,just the stone cold truth

of our great friendship.


1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.


4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.


5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.



6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.


7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again I. don't want whatever you have.


8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ***.


9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.


Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

[NurseNikki]

Can Mom Eh - Hilarious! I love it! Perfect for those of us here on this post. I like to think all my friends here will tell me like it is - no holds barred!!!!

Here is a picture of our changing table/dresser that DH built, his dad made the actual drawers, and I helped with the finishing!

[Lovebug]

Nikki - That is absolutely gorgeous!!!!!

Here's the dresser we redid for the new baby. We got it at the Salvation Army for $45!!!! My Dad and I stripped it, filled in some chips, and repainted it. I am not a HUGE fan of it being white, but late last year when shopping in Walmart with DS, they had white sleigh cribs on clearance for $9.00!!!!!!!! YES ladies, $9.00! So there were 2 left and I bought them both. They are still in the garage for now. We will most likely only be using one, so we will donate the other. DS's crib was cherry wood. It was my nieces crib and just had been through the ringer. So it is a nice change to go from dark wood to white. Oh, we also purchased "Alphabet Soup" bedding by Cocalo. When we get matched, we will work more on the room. For now it is empy!

[Andrea Shea]

very sweet funiture and congrats on the great deals. I love the little lamp. Those touches make it all the sweeter don't they?

I would love to post pictures but I don't know how to do it. I have tried getting them from my pictures on my computer but they are always more than the alotted mg. Any advice for the computer illiterate would be appreciated.

Hope everyone has had an uneventful monday...God it was a long day.....rainy to and soooo muggy. I am ready for fall.

[KarynB]

Wow you guys, have I ever missed a lot not posting in a few days...thanks for all sharing your stories - its kind of nice to hear how everyone got to this place. Hope i'm not to late to share mine.

Dh and I have been married for 5 years and I have a dd from a previous relationship. We decided to take our dd travelling to Africa shortly after we were married to show her another way of living - we also wanted to do some volunteer work and by chance (we were open to almost anything) ended up at an orphanage. That is where we met 2 year old T who stole our hearts. We were supposed to stay for 2 weeks (out of our 6 month long trip) but stayed for over 3 months - during which time we decided we wanted to adopt this little guy. Yup, just like that I woke up one night and said "we have to adopt T" and dh said "um, not sure if you noticed but we are homeless right now and living out of backpacks in Africa". I won. We came home to canada early and began the adoption - which is a long and drawn out story and too much to type!!!!

Anyways, after T had been home for about 3 years we were ready for #3 - I wanted to adopt again but it was too expensive and we were still a bit in debt from the first one....so we started ttc. Two years later found out dh has male fertility issues and so here we are ready to adopt again from SA - it took Dh a while to move from having a bio baby to adopting again - easier for me I think maybe cause I've already had bio dd - or just because i really wanted to adopt again, I don't know. Of course, i also wanted a blond baby who looked like dh - but that is just not in the cards for us....so here we are waiting for "The Call" that will take us to our son/daughter.....

Thanks for posting the pics of dresser you guys - I just bought stuff to strip down and old dresser I found (yup- for FREE!!!!) and paint it for baby - thanks for the great ideas. Not sure what I'll do with it yet, but start with getting off the green paint and 70's decals!!!!!

Nikki - heard from pbmom yet? You are being very calm - way to go!!!!

Miss - wow, that was quite a story - well, not a story, but sent chills down my spine. How could anyone treat kids like that - any kids, let alone their own?Unbelievable!!!!

I never have those dreams - thank goodness!!!

Just bought the book "becoming a family" about attachment disorders - will read and keep you all posted on the info i get - or has anyone read it?


talk to you all later!

[Fran27]

I feel so guilty, I never seem to take the time to really read every post, so sorry if I seem to ignore some people... So, going back a few pages...

Sandy, I'm sorry you had to go through that horrible experience with the twins... Thanks for reminding us how lucky we are to have hubbies too. It seems sometimes it's so hard we forget the good things we have in our life.

But heck ladies, I need to steal your dh's that actually build/paint things We've been talking about painting/emptying the upstairs room for one year now... And we really need to do it or with the nursery we won't have any spare room for guests. The good thing is, we actually said we would get started this week end, soooo, here is hope. And I really want to get the nursery ready too. The problem being, I don't know where we will store the stroller etc on a regular basis once the other room is actually livable, gosh I hate having a small house.


Anyway, I loved reading everyone's stories.

Andrea, I'm so angry at your RE who did all those procedures on you when they should have known you couldn't carry a baby... Isn't there anything that can be done against such unethical practice? When I read those stories I'm just so glad we stopped the whole IVF thing... sometimes I wonder if they just don't use us as cash machines... Anyway, how are you feeling now? I hope you will get your child soon...

Honesty, I hope you will be back soon with wonderful stories with your new DD.

Can Mom, really sorry again about your story... I hope your dh will come around, but that must have been really hard for him. I guess dh's take longer to grieve sometimes...

Leigh, it's horrible that your first pbirthmom never mentionned drugs... And your story with your boss is amazing. I've been in the same situation and it's funny sometimes what you can learn about your bosses. Although I want to find a new job but I'm not just because it's unlikely I will ever find a boss who will understand...

So, anyway, my story.


I've always wanted children. I remember when I was 10, I went to music classes, and we had a teacher who claimed he could guess what job you would have later by just looking at you. Well, he was right for my sister (a paperwork job). For me, he said he couldn't find a specific job, that I would probably stay at home with children. That thought has stayed with me the whole time.

When I married my ex, I wanted children. I was young, marrying was stupid (we seperated 4 months later), but the only reason we didn't try to have children was because I wasn't quite done with studies at the time (although now 6 years later I'm still at the same point). Turns out it would probably not have worked anyway (he turned out to have low sperm count and motility), but it was already clear at the time that I wanted children.

I met dh online 2 months later, we were good friends at first, then started really liking each other (he had just divorced also). It was an online game, so we mostly played together everyday for 2 years until we actually met, thanks to someone in our group of players who thought it would be fun to meet in RL. By then we had talked on the phone etc, and when we finally met we had a wonderful time (kissed right away and ended up in bed one hour later ). The next 6 months sucked (I was in France, he was in Philly), then my job contract was over and I moved to the US almost 4 years ago.

We got married 5 months later, mostly for immigration issues, but we were happy to anyway. He was unemployed, but as soon as he found a job later we started ttc, almost 3 years ago. After 6 months, we went to see a gynecologyst. I knew my sister had ovulation issues, so I figured we might as well check if I did, too (we're twins). We found out dh had low morphology (2%), I did have ovulating issues, and after a few more tests our gyn sent us to our RE.

After more tests, he told us that our only way would be IVF with ICSI, but we would have a good chance (60%). He never really tested me though, even though I have really heavy and painful periods. Just did a (painful) HSG. We really didn't take it well, mostly because, even though we knew we would have to go through that, the cost never hit us until then, nor did the fact that it might not work. I couldn't stand the idea of not having children.

I didn't want to spend all my savings (which I inherited from my dad's death 4 years ago) for it... So we tried an IUI with injectibles. I reacted well to the meds, actually too well, so they only triggered me with two mature follies, because one more day and it would have been 4... BFN, of course. So, we hit the bullet and tried IVF... I overstimulated, produced 38 eggs, and developped OHSS... The transfer was cancelled. The two following FETs, the embryos were of average quality, and even transferring 3 then 4, they didn't work.

I'm still bitter about our RE, as he should have known from the IUI that I was a very good responder... and should have done a lap to make sure I didn't have endo (I'm quite sure I do, as I have lots of the symptoms). I just hate the idea that I wasted $17.000 when I could have got a good chance.

Anyway, needless to say, we were done with IVF. I had checked adoption from the start, wanted to start after FET #1 but dh wanted to wait for FET #2 before starting, so we ended up starting in Dec 2005. The homestudy took ages to get started and finished, but we finally got on the list in May, and we're waiting...


Sorry if it was long...

[ChasingRainbows]

Heather

<He is supportive of me but he does not seem to be effected by the ups and downs like I am. Even after our recent failed adoption it didn't seem to bother him at all which makes it harder for me>

I really do know how you feel! It is hard enough be to insecure and feel alone. It sometimes make me feel bad because he takes it as it comes and I am on a roller coaster.

Fran,
<I met dh online 2 months later, we were good friends at first,>

I rarely tell people but DH and I met online too. I never thought I would fall in love with someone that way but we have been married 5 years and couldn't be happier (most of the time)

<Just did a (painful) HSG. We really didn't take it well, mostly because, even though we knew we would have to go through that, the cost>

Um, I think if I am honest it was during the HSG that I decided I would never put myself through IT. I knew I could not handle it. I know my limits. I will never try to scare women who tell me they are going through that test but IMHO Dr.s should prepare women for it, and give them something to sedate them. I still get cramps when I think about it.


Well all today is a tough waiting day for me. I want this to happen, I want to know how long I will have to wait. I am ready to have our lives shift. DH and I were talking last night. He was saying that we were going to have to sacrifice our starbuck coffee and fancy extras when we have children.

I grew up in a very poor home. I know my mom (who is now pg with her 10th) made sacrifices but was very happy. We all were in many ways. He doesn't understand that it will not be hard for me to stop going out to eat all the time or what ever we do now that we will not be able to do in the future.

About three years ago when I realized I was not going to be able to have children and at the begining of the What to do phase...I decided if we were going to be a "DINK"= double income no kids family I was going to enjoy myself in other ways. I remember the day when I switched my thinking to allow myself other luxuries that I knew I would not have if I had kids.

I planned to enjoy the time I had living that way, and it will not be hard to live differently when children come, I think it is a mental focus that needs to shift back when it is time. Ok so I am tired of the little luxuries. I cannot think somthing more that I want than having a family. Much of it is just filling the emptyness of my days.

Does that make sense?


Elizabeth

ps. love the furniture! I have had so many people give me stuff including furniture. I just need the baby to put in it

[CanMomEh]

"Ok so I am tired of the little luxuries. I cannot think somthing more that I want than having a family. Much of it is just filling the emptyness of my days."
I Hear ya Elizabeth. I too am tired off little luxuries. I am ready to have a more concrete reason to be cheap - saying i am saving up for kids (and funny how my savings never really grow) and being forced to.
Last year we bought our first home and our mtg was twice what our rent was, not including land taxes. but we have managed. i know we have always managed financially even though DH forgets that and "never wants to be poor again" It feels like he is so afraid of being poor that he wants our mtg to be paid off first. well i don;t wan to wait until i'm fifty - :-)
Glad i'm not the only one that feels the way i do.

BTW - I am gone camping until sat. Have Fun y'all !

[ChasingRainbows]

Originally Posted by CanMomEh

" It feels like he is so afraid of being poor that he wants our mtg to be paid off first. well i don;t wan to wait until i'm fifty - :-)
Glad i'm not the only one that feels the way i do.

I think Men think about things differently. Matt would love us to pay everything off first too. That is in part why we took so long to get started. He wanted to finish paying off grad school, now he wants to actually buy a house first....ect. I think they just want to take care of us, we thing about how we want to take care of our situation. I think they think about wanting to provide.

Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the little luxuries for a while but I realized to me they were non essential, like family is. The rest was just fluff.

[KarynB]

Yeah, my dh is like that too. Wants to have evrything paid off and RSP's saved, etc etc. Well, that's not going to happen!!!! But i think he has accepted that now, although since I've had dd since I was 19 and was a single mom for awhile, I never HAD the luxuries to give up. I will caution though not to underestimate them - the stress of money can be really hard too. Puts alot of stress on a relationship!!!

My Dh, too isn't as affected by the ups and downs of adoption, I envy him for it. He just puts it out of his mind and goes on with things. It can be hard when i am having an impatient day, or I feel like I am ALWAYS the one to bring it up, suggest names, etc. Don't get me wrong, he really wants this and is already a great dad to our kids, he just focuses on the here and now, and not what will happen "at some point in the future". Can be frustrating....

Anyways, i have a funny story...most of you know that i am on the protocol so i will be able to breastfeed our ds/dd...so, the funniest thing happened to me last night which I'm sure you can all appreciate. I was wandering around some stores after work and happen to find a great book on sale on breastfeeding at a bookstore. i was so happy, I bought it right away and walked down to the river and sat on a park bench reading it. The intro talks about the author's (who is an M.D.) early experiences "when he knew nothing" and he describes examining a post-partum woman and having breastmilk stream out of her breast and his shock at this happening. Anyways, it was pretty funny, so i was smiling to myself...and this guy walking by happens to see this. So he strolls over and asks what i am reading and "if it is a love story that is making me smile". So I say no and continue to read but he won't stop talking and sits down! So he asks again what i am reading so i show him - but he isn't fased (sp?) by this one bit!!! Just keeps talking, telling me my eyes are the "colour of honey", what do I like to do in my free time, etc....Ok, dude, I am reading a book on BREASTFEEDING, I have a wedding ring, does it look like I'm available!!!! Too funny....Just thought I would share with you....I'm still chuckling...DH wasn't as amused, however!

[Vogi2002]

Whew, I couldn't get on here for the life of me last night or this morning (brandy said they willl be up and down all morning....tech is working on it). Anyways...

Karyn- too funny about the story, maybe it is "hot" to him?? LOL, you sexy mama you!!

I love hearing about the stories!! Oh, and I am on the flip side with the "paying things off". I am actually the tight wad in our family. Dh could spend all of our savings in one day if I would let him, I want to save every extra penny we can (always been like that) but now that we are saving for this, I am worse!!

Okay, so here is my story.....(it'll also be long...I'll try to paraphrase)

Dh and I started dating the summer before our senior year in high school (we lived in KS). We were so in love from the very beginning. We were not like other "on again, off again, immature" couples...LOL, although looking back I'm sure we were VERY imature! Anyways, after high school we both moved out on our own (seperately), got engaged the next december, married the next June (we were both 19). We knew it was what we wanted and we knew it would last (even though we had a LOT of slack about it). Okay so we pretty much immediately started ttc, dh was in college but we REALLY wanted a baby. Well, after a year we went to a dr (still living in KS), they tested Keith, he was fine, then they started on me.

Right at this time I got a job in Dallas, so we decided to move. Obviously, baby plans were put on hold. We moved in June 2003 (1 yr anniversary LOL) to Dallas, dh was still finishing college so I lived here alone, going back on the weekends, until he moved out here in October. So, he moved out here and in November we decided to go again to a fertility dr here in TX. Since Keith was already tested, they started on me (have long cycles). They tested and found I didn't Ovulate, so they put me on clomid, took two months to figure out the correct dose that would make me Ovulate, then we did that for three more months. Nothing happened. So then they decided to have Keith tested again. This time it came back BAD, IVF was our only hope. Well, he saw a urologist, they found out he had varicoceles. In September 2004, he had surgery, it could take 6 months to a year to see results.

So, at this time I figured out (by taking my temperature) that I DID ovulate on my own, just very late (cd 23). We waited 6 months, it was still BAD. Waited 8 months, it was worse. It was then we decided that we were quitting. I just couldn't do it anymore, sick of trying every month, sick of it all (I had a HCG and LOTS of other tests w/in this time). So, in March 2005 we quit, bought a boat, took time as a couple (dh was not keen on adoption at the time, he needed to heal, took it VERY hard). Oh forgot to add w/in this time we tried one month with donor sperm, didn't work thank god. We didn't feel right about it after ward so we are VERY glad it didn't work. Still, made me wonder about if I can even get pg. Also, w/in this time I had met a birthmother online that had a baby, was going to adopt it out to us, changed her mind, then adopted it out to another couple when the baby was 4 months old (this was about a two -three month span...ugh THAT was hard, made me guarded with my feelings though).

Then, in September of 2005 the urologist called and asked if he wanted to schedule a "Year Update" SA. So he did, It was fantastic. Completely normal. This going from 0% morph and 4million count, was NORMAL!! So, we decided to do IUI with injections, trying it with the rule that w/in 2-3 months if nothing happened we would officially quit. Dh got tested again, it was still okay but a little worse than the one before (i was worried it was just a "fluke" good one but didn't say anything). I did the injections for three months and for three months my ovaries didn't respond, they would get big, then just shrivel. So, after EXPENSIVE shots and three months, we stopped. HE decided he was ready for adoption. We started researching, went with Guatemala, then decided to do domestic.

Found a "Catholic Agency" in KS, signed up, realized they were sleazy and just a FACILITATOR NOT an agency, so then we left them (got money back thank GOD) and went with ******* in Dallas.

The rest is history!! Now THAT's a ROLLER COASTER RIDE!!

Natalie

[nicks]

I absolutely love the furniture! I am so jelous that it was hand built. I am so impressed. That is really special. We are not that talented over here, so we have ordered our furniture, but I would love to have our baby used something that was made by loving hands. WoW! It is beautful too!!




Waiting for our little girl in November!

[Honesty76]

We're HOME!!!! drove frmo MI to NY and back to MI in less than 48 hours but well worth it. Madison is absolutely gorgeous and more than we could have ever hoped for! We had an awesome opportunity to meet her birthmom yesterday. This is our fifth adoption in EXACTLY 5 years (to the day) and we have never had any contact with a birthmom (not our choice).
Thanks so much for allowing me to lurk in here occasionally posting. You are a huge support network and what we need when we are in the trials of waiting. Also, I would not have my little angel in my arms right now if I wasn't a part of this thread as I received a lead a month or so ago that lead to Madison joining our family (Thanks Missw005!!!!) I am hoping to add pics sometime. I better go rest now and best of luck to the rest of you!!!!! You are in my prayers!

~Leslie