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#6571
06-09-2008, 12:50 PM
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Oh Tracey, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. My heart broke for you as I read your post. I have been through a similiar situation. After our disruption, I felt like I was in damage control mode. As silly as it sounded, all I wanted was for everyone who had known about little man to know that he was no longer with us ASAP. I had a very hard time dealing with everyones emotions as well. While I know, that everyone is sad, some angry, etc....I just could not deal with it. I was very selfish in my loss, and did not want to share it with anyone. My only advice for you is to grieve the way that you want too, no matter how big or little. You have made a connection to this little boy that is valid, and your grief is valid as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you. PM me if you would like to talk.
 
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#6572
06-09-2008, 02:28 PM
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Tracey so sorry to hear about your news. I went through the same thing in March when we were told we were matched for a baby girl due the following week, only to get a call the next day to be told it wasn't going to happen.
I too spent that evening getting everything ready to go, making travel arrangements, emailing friends, etc. When we got the news the match was not going through, it was devastating. I emailed most everyone so I wouldn't have to talk to them personally. It was much easier that way. I remember showing up for work the next day, when everyone expected me to be gone. My co-workers were really supportive though. I cried for about 1/2 hour at work, then just dealt with things on my own. Take time to grieve and feel what you're feeling. Don't let others brush this off as not existing. You need the time to grieve the loss that you have experienced. People who are not in our situation don't always understand that from the minute you are matched you have already bonded with this child, even before you see them. In your heart, they were with you all along. Please know I pray that you heal soon from this. Big hugs
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1st DD Hannah Nicole received her wings, July 03  2nd DD born May 94   12yr ttc Began adoption July 07 Possible match family placement Oct. 07 Fell through Nov. 07  Jan. 08 Got call ....not chosen by emom 03-07-08 Matched with emom due March 11th Call 03-08-08, lead 4 families to believe they were going to parent her daughter  Call 03-10-08, she wasn't even pregnant  Confused and hurt. Waiting again. 03-17-08 Had to turn down baby girl, couldn't get flight before discharge Our hearts are breaking and waiting again. 04-29-08 Got call....not chosen by emom due in June 06-17-08 Got call....not chosen by emom due July 6th Profiled 07-18-08 for emom due in Nov. - emom decided to parent 08-25-08 Profiled 07-25-08 for emom due in Oct. Profiled 08-12-08 for emom due in Sept. Waiting on the call...... 
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#6573
06-09-2008, 02:41 PM
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We went through something similar while waiting for our first placement. We were told we we would be able to pick up a legal risk baby girl in less than a week but before that time was up and after I had gotten out all our baby girl clothes and washed them our social worker called back and said that it fell through. It was very hard on me especially. I found that my husband did not understand even though he tried to comfort me. Just share your feelings with someone who can listen and in a few weeks the feelings wont be so intense.
Tunay
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Our Family Journey: 8/99 Started ttc, 1/02 to 8/03 Fertility treatments, 11/04 Domestic hs finished/Licensed, Domestic matches never completed, 9/02/06 Began process for Guat adoption, 12/18/06 Our son born, 02/26/07 DNA a match! (e-mail notification), 05/03/07 Received PA notice, 07/11/07 OUT of PGN, 08/10/07 Embassy Appointment, 08/14/07 Returned home with our son   
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#6574
06-09-2008, 03:32 PM
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SO sorry Tracey - hang in there - it WILL happen - this is just the start!!!!
Katy
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04/20/07 Mandatory Orientation in TX 05/03/07 Completed Application sent in 07/13/07 First Homestudy visit - Office in TX 08/20/07 Second Homestudy visit - Home 09/27/07 Approved and Waiting! 04/16/08 IT'S A BOY!!!! Due 06/17/08 05/15/08 Match Failed - emom decided to parent 06/03/08 IT'S A BOY!!!! Born 06/09/08 06/10/08 Match Failed - mom decided to parent 06/28/08 IT'S A GIRL!!!! Born 06/28/08 06/30/08 Match Failed - baby in FC w/ goal to reunify 07/10/08 IT'S A GIRL!!!! Born 06/24/08 07/29/08 She's ours! And with ICPC clearance in a record 5 business days, we headed home the next morning!
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#6575
06-09-2008, 03:55 PM
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So sorry about your news tracey. We had a couple failed matches prior to M. It's tough but you'll get through it.
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#6576
06-09-2008, 03:59 PM
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Tracey - I am SO sorry. I have been there and it is very hard. It takes time, but it will get better. My advice would be to take a couple of days off work and give yourself time to grieve. Hang in there.
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Noelle August 2005 - approved with 1st agency October 2006 - 1st match (she lost the baby at 7 months) November 2006- 2nd match May 2007 - birthmom chose to parent July 2007 - decided to switch agencies Jan. 2008 - approved with agency #2 July 2008 - placed with our forever kids - sib set of 3
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#6577
06-09-2008, 04:07 PM
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Tracey, I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Grieve however you want and ignore the hurtful comments that will come your way. You and your family are in my prayers.
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#6578
06-09-2008, 04:11 PM
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Tracey,
I too am sorry this has happened. We had something like this happen...older baby too...and it seemed SO certain to happen; then, like your situation, it all fell through. I went through saddness, anger and just plain, 'Why did I let myself get so happy about this so early?!' Take time to grieve...your baby will come....as ours have. Just realize that all of your emotions and feelings are normal. Sincerely, Linny
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#6579
06-10-2008, 03:58 AM
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Tracy,
I wish there were something I could say to make it better! I'm sooo sorry! Sandra
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1993 decided to start a family 1995 discovered problems 1995-1998 fertility Drs and surgeries 1999-2003 break from it all 2003-2005 thought about adoption but trying to find a way to afford it. 2006 decided to do whatever it took to create a family. Money should not decide a family! January 2006 gathering information applying for homestudy. July 2006 homestudy completed- we are officially waiting! August 2006 first lawyer October 2007 second lawyer May 2008 was presented to emom due May 27- it wasn't us we were not chosen!  July 2008 was presented to emom due July 27- not chosen! We are 4-everwaiting for our angel 
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#6580
06-10-2008, 08:35 AM
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Tracey
Tracey,
I am so sorry to hear about the match falling through. We had a failed match in December and I waivered with feeling embarassed that we had told everyone we were going to bring home our little girl to making the time to grieve properly. We had co workers who bought us clothes for the baby and even gave us money towards expenses. This is a loss...so grieve how you want to. I don't think people who have never gone through adoption can ever understand how you'll feel. No one at my work really ever brings up adoption now...it's like a taboo subject. It's like our failed match took away the joy that most people would have for us as we continue waiting for THE call.... Hope is what we all have to have....it will go through some day!
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Dec. '06 application approved at Adoption Agency Feb.'07 home study paperwork completed May '07 start of home study 7/12/07 homestudy finished 12/6/07 chosen for baby girl in FL  12/9/07 Birth mom changed her mind We are in waiting mode for our first baby!  
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#6581
06-10-2008, 03:19 PM
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Baby was born last night, mom decided to parent today.
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04/20/07 Mandatory Orientation in TX 05/03/07 Completed Application sent in 07/13/07 First Homestudy visit - Office in TX 08/20/07 Second Homestudy visit - Home 09/27/07 Approved and Waiting! 04/16/08 IT'S A BOY!!!! Due 06/17/08 05/15/08 Match Failed - emom decided to parent 06/03/08 IT'S A BOY!!!! Born 06/09/08 06/10/08 Match Failed - mom decided to parent 06/28/08 IT'S A GIRL!!!! Born 06/28/08 06/30/08 Match Failed - baby in FC w/ goal to reunify 07/10/08 IT'S A GIRL!!!! Born 06/24/08 07/29/08 She's ours! And with ICPC clearance in a record 5 business days, we headed home the next morning!
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#6582
06-10-2008, 03:51 PM
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awww....I'm just so sorry to hear that.
Our little group is taking a beating right now......hugs to everyone!!
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#6583
06-10-2008, 04:56 PM
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Katy - Oh - I am so sorry. I can't believe that. It is so hard to see all these matches failing. Hang in there.
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Noelle August 2005 - approved with 1st agency October 2006 - 1st match (she lost the baby at 7 months) November 2006- 2nd match May 2007 - birthmom chose to parent July 2007 - decided to switch agencies Jan. 2008 - approved with agency #2 July 2008 - placed with our forever kids - sib set of 3
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#6584
06-10-2008, 05:29 PM
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Wow, we really are having a bad run on this board.
Katy - I'm so sorry to hear that. Take some time for yourself. Hang in there!
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dd born 12/01 dd/ds twins born 5/04 Started Domestic Adoption Process 6/10/07 Matched to Day Old Baby Boy 10/24/07 Match Failed 10/25/07 Decided to Switch to Foster/Adopt 3/1/08 Initial Consultation 4/9/08 Live Scan 4/23/08 Homestudy Visit 5/13/08 Background Checks Approved 6/30/08 Home Study Approved 7/23/08 Licensed!! 8/11/08  Visit us at our blog! http://cbpugh.blogspot.com
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#6585
06-10-2008, 05:53 PM
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Hugs and prayers to all the hopeful mommies with failed matches lately. I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do other than this...
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