[Andrea Shea]

you are all !!

I spoke to my SW today and here is the latests scoop. I will try to keep it short.

The doctors did another scan on the baby to check for any broken bones, damaged organs, and spine condition. He is PERFECT The bmom is having very little to do with the adoption process, her mother and grandmother are doing most of the dealings at this point. My husband and I told my social worker that if for any reason he would have to enter the foster system, even if we wouldn't be able to adopt him, we want him to come to our home. At this time (as far as she will tell me) my social worker claims we are the only couple wanting this baby, I find that very hard to believe. He has issues that SURROUND him but are not directly involved with him. The paternity test will determine that the cousin is the father and will put him in prison for rape. There is no doubt that the girls family is all for adoption. They realize that she is not ready to be a mother and the whole situation is too painful to have a little reminder (innocent or not) running around. The girls family will meet with my social worker and see our profile tomorrow... Hopefully we will hear something by the end of this week. I don't know if I can explain it. I honestly feel a deep weight in my chest for this baby. All babies are special and I grieve deeply for each time we were so close and then had the hope snatched away, but this one will crush me if it doesn't work. He is so little, innocent and in need of love and care at this point that I really feel that for him already. Is that hard to understand. I am sitting here with tears streaming for a baby that I have only discussed over the phone. I have prayed harder in the past two days than I have in a long time. He needs us and we need to have him here to know that he will be safe and loved. He has been through so much and is only five days old. I would do anything for him, I love him already. Andrea Shea

[Andrea Shea]

Sandy - I can't even begin to tell you what I think of your social worker.. Call her supervisor!!! I would like to take the most important thing in her life, remove it, and say "sucks to be you!!" to her face.

Nikki - Wonderful news about your dog. Congrats!!!

baby Cole is going to be released this week, he is out of nicu and is in a regular nursery.. He is doing so well, shower is on Sunday, hoping it is not too hard. Goodnight!! Andrea Shea

[KarynB]

My thoughts are with you Andrea - and my fingers are crossed...I sure hope this works out for you. When does the paternity test happen? Maybe this is why all those other babies didn't work out - because this little guy needs you so much. Please keep us posted....

[Leigh131313]

I'm not going to say anymore than..

I'm a FIRM believer that fate is a huge part of adoption...


and I was burned more than once, but during all of it, I knew it was just what I had to go through to get where I am NOW.



*sprinkling baby dust on this entire thread*



Oh, and I talked to our SW today!! YAY!! She was on holidays, thank GOD!! I honestly was worried something had happened to her. She is going to call me later this week to set our appt, she said to call friday if I haven't heard from her. So, HUGE sigh of relief!!

[missw005]

Andrea,
I'm with Karyn and Leigh on this one. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe God has a plan for these kids - and us - and though we don't like it sometimes, or we don't agree with what happens - ultimately, the right matches are made.

I shudder to think what would have happened to my J if he ended up staying in that horrible foster home. Frankly, the SW said that they were thinking of institutionalizing him or sending him to live in a group home because they thought he was so retarded.

Like it or not, (and currently I'm in the NOT category), I believe if it's meant to be, it will happen.

Nikki, I hope the bmom contacts you soon! Like you said, though, with all that's going on in her life, you may be at the bottom of her priority list right now. If she likes you, and has chosen you for her baby, that's something she may have checked off as "done" on her life priority to-do list. If she's having housing issues and whatnot, they're definitely in the forefront. KWIM? Perhaps because the baby is a "solved" problem right now, she's just busy trying to deal with all the others. Just a thought.
Oh - why do you have to get rid of your kitty?

Karyn, you have the kindest soul. I just love your positive attitude, girl! Hearing about your experiences in SA makes me wish I had the ability to do such great things as well. Best I can do is my bits of foster care here in MN and help kids in the short time they're with me. But you inspire me!!! I'm very glad to have you on my side!

Leigh, thanks for the baby dust! Right back at you, girl! Hopefully you and your SW can get together ASAP and get everything done and ready to go!!!
PS - appreciate the slushie!!

~~~~
Most of my internet friends - as well as my "live" ones - think I should email some smart retort back to my SW. Not sure what to say, though. Would love some ideas, girls!!!

My brain is fried after having a big fight with my mother over the phone last night. The bottom line is just that my mom and I are two very different people. We don't understand each other's point of view very well. She didn't have the best childhood - as a matter of fact, neither did I - but in totally different ways. I try very hard to be a good daughter, but her desire to be a good mother is debatable at times. The fact that she doesn't support my adopting more kids or my foster/adoption life choices doesn't help either.

Anyhoo, I'd appreciate any advice on what to email back to my worker.
My major thought is about talking to me disrespectfully - like you would to a 2 yr old, in my eyes. And frankly, if she's so busy, why am I still sitting at home with no baby in my lap???? Obviously I'm not overly objective about this whole situation, so would love some ideas. Thanks, girls!

It's just finished raining here, so the boys will be inside most of the morning. It was a great night for sleeping - my Q just got up! And J slept until 7:45, which is really late for him! So hopefully with all this sleep, they'll be in good moods today.

Hope you're all having a great day!!!!!!!!!

Sandy

[Honesty76]

Hi all!

It's been quite a few weeks since I have been able to visit. We just moved and it took wayyyyyyyyyyy too long to get the computer and phones back up. Anyway, so much has happened this week. We were chosen to be parents of baby D this week and also had the opportunity to talk to her birthmom on the phone for an hour and a half today. It was great but also very nervewracking...I was so nervous. If everything goes as planned we will be on our way to New York in a week and heading back home with our little angel in our arms! We cannot wait! Anyway, I have a lot of catching up to do- can't wait to hear what is going on with everyone else.

~Leslie

[Andrea Shea]

My nerves are shot......

Today I learned that three couples that were asked about taking the baby and had said no, there was to much legal risk and situations blah blah blah, have changed their mind and now want him. My social worker and the lady who works with the bmom got together with the bmom, her mom, and her gmom, and showed our profile along with three other couples. Now I have to sit and wait. What burns me is this, those other couples didn't have the same reaction to this angel that we did, did not know instantly that they were up for the dealings that will be in store for this child, and yet will be presented along side us as if they had reacted that way. I know this will not work out for us, history has been horrible. We are thirty and twenty eight, hard working, live in a small home in the country and we make a good living HOWEVER, We cannot compete with the lawyer who has decided to have a child now that her career has been taken care of with the huge house and nanny. I am heartbroken and I havn't even heard no yet. I spoke to my social worker today. She said she had been expecting my call because next to the woman who calls to talk about her hemmeroids I am the next biggest pain in the butt she has the pleasure to deal with. Then she asks if she has offended me!!!!!!!!!!
I said no, but like it or not I will be calling tomorrow. I did a bad thing today. All of the baby clothes we have are too big for this baby, I bought a preemie outfit...I suppose baby Cole will use it. I have little hope now, I feel like we don't stand a snowballs chance in hell, and I don't know how much more I can take. Like I said before, I love him already. I may take tomorrow off.....I don't want to be at work when the call comes. Andrea Shea

[Lovebug]

Sandy - No advie from me on what to say to her...we are having "communication" difficulities of sorts on our end, too with our SW.

Leslie - OMG!!! How completely exciting! I can't wait to hear more!!!! Where in NY will you be? I am close to NY.

Andrea - Please know that I am keeping you in my prayers. I soooo soo soooo hope you get the "yes" answer!!!!!! Please, please, please!!!!!!

I took my son to the dentist today. He is only 2.5, but our ped recommends going between 2 and 3. It was nothing short of a nightmare. Poor baby was so scared. And I had done alot to prepare him and at home he seemed excited! Oh well. The hygenist said we are doing great brushing 2X a day...to try flossing next, and to come back in 6 mos.

Nothing going on with our adoption front. ***Sigh***. But DH is off tomorrow so we are going out on a date!!!! Lol. It sounds so corny, but we haven't been out together without baby in a long time. My folks are going to watch him in the afternoon....nice grandparent/baby time. We might go to the movies...I don't care what we do or where we go, kwim?

--Renee

[Honesty76]

Renee-

We have to go to Long Island, NY- about 13 hours from here (MI) but worth every mile of it! I have never been to NY so it will be great!! We cannot wait.

~Leslie

[Lovebug]

Not bad from me, Leslie...about 1.5 hrs or so. My family lives in LI and so does my SIL. Good luck and can't wait to hear more!!!!

--Renee

[Leigh131313]

Oh Andrea...your words send shivers up my spine. Your pain is far too real.

I'm praying this pbirthmom can see the most important thing you have to offer..LOVE.

I would NOT want my child raised by a nanny....


I'm praying.

[Andrea Shea]

I took the day off. My supervisor freaked when I called her this morning. She asked what is going on and then she said oh my God you got him!!! I said not that I know of but I had some personal issues that had to be dealt with today, the adoption is just one of them. My mom n law has developed cellulitis in her leg and went to the er last night. She isn't doing very well at all. When it rains it pours. I am very fortunate to have a job that people understand that life is more important at times than working. I am very tired...and have to get ready for that baby shower this weekend. Baby Cole will attend with his mommy. I am happy but seeing him will be heartbreaking at the same time. He is exactly the same size ect as the baby we are waiting for.

I know I have been so wrapped up in my own pity party that I havn't acknowldged your goings on. Sorry.

Nikki- I hope you have contact from your bmom very soon. Priority or not, I would think she would be contacting you or your social worker very soon.

Sandy - I don't even have the brass to tell my own social worker where to get off, I am useless to give you advice that would work in the real world. Don't worry I am making voodoo dolls for social workers, I will stick a pin in for you.

Sandy - thank you so much for the baby dust!!

[KarynB]

Andrea - my thoughts are with you today. But please don't give up hope - I (in 100% honesty) would pick a family in the country over a lawyer in the city with a nanny any day, and I'm sure many others would too. I can't guarantee this bmom will, but that has NOTHING to do with the fact that something "is wrong with you", ok? I hope so much this works out for you....

Sandy - thanks for your kind words the other day - they were VERY timely as i was just starting to get over the freedom of being alone on a trip and starting to get very lonely - they were exactly what i needed to hear (actually brought tears to my eyes)!!! So, thank you for that. And if philanthropy is in your blood, you'll get your chance one day - right now you are giving your two boys a great home with a loving mom!

I am going home today - Conference is over - and I have had many personal revelations while I wasa here...that's the good thing about being alone, I guess, time to think!!!! But I am looking forward to being in my own house (and own bed) again. I think the conference was a success overall, but a bit of a political embarrassment for Canada - thank goodness we have people like Stephen Lewis to redeem us!

Ok - I'm off - thoughts are with you for the day Andrea...we will do this wait with you!

[missw005]

Leslie,
CONGRATSon your baby GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soooooooo happy for you!!!
Can't wait to hear more about her when you're home and ready to share.
Have a great trip!!!!
All of our thoughts, hopes and dreams will be riding with you! YIPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sandy

PS - Am glad my little bit of info helped you find your daughter. That's what friends are for! We're all in this together!

[Vogi2002]

Hello ladies, sorry I've been MIA this week, we had a Bakery Holiday Food Show that I put on for this company with over 87 vendors / manufacturers in it. It was so busy, but went VERY welll. Just glad it is done!!

Nothing much going on with us, I recieved a 100$ to Babies R Us from one of the manufacturs because I helped them with something sothat is really COOL!! I'm hoping to save it a while then get my stroller or something. DH has been working tons of OT so we might be over budget (yeah!!) for the month. I'm really starting to get down about the waiting thing. I just hate the stress that goes into it....trying to be positive but then I just start worrying again!! I get really tired of people asking about it, it just reminds me that nothing is happening.....either that or they get excited and say "it could happen ANY time!?!" and I dare not get excited so I hate that too!!

Ok ladies, I will try to post more later!!

Nat