[Leigh131313]

Welcome Hules and Victoria!!!

Unfortunately I do not know of any support groups in your area...HOWEVER!! If you're ever in the Alberta, Canada area I can totally hook you up!! lol Hopefully someone on here might be able to recommend a group!!

Hules, I so understand being furious!! Nice to see another member with some attitude!! lol

Victoria....only a month and you are going crazy?? Girl, you really DO need this thread!! lol

Again, welcome welcome welcome!!!

No news on our end...still waiting to update...but thats a-ok with me at the moment I still have the pics to work on for our profile.

[NurseNikki]

Hules,

It was me that had the miscommunication with our caseworker about being in circulation. I have to say, I even thought it uncharacteristic of myself to not be upset -- this is something I want SOOOO badly (as everyone here does). The strangest thing was, I didn't feel upset, but I can't say why.

Normally, I am quick to the attitude in these situations. It was very odd for that not to happen. I can't explain it!

It is nice to see everyone here, so I know I can vent or chat with folks in the same situation. And now that I know we are in circulation, things are a little bit different. I never paused at playing the messages on the machine at home, but yesterday I did. Absolutely no reason why, I just did. I feel like I am going CRAZY!!!!

[randloar]

Hello,

Looks like many here are waiting for domestic matches, so I thought I would throw out our intl waiting angst.....
We have been originally waiting since last June (but our agency lost our homestudy and didn't mention it to us .........so to them we have been waiting since the middle of July), then Kazakhstan changed up their requirements in Sept/Oct, and now we have been waiting since November.

Definately at the going crazy part, since most around us have traveled and returned by now!! Just goes to show how inconsistent all of this CAN be (for us anyways!). Good to see that we aren't alone in our wait, company always helps!

[VictoriaW]

Well I have my good days and my bad. I know that it will most likely be a year til we finally have a baby. On good days I convince myself it's just like being pregnant. You have to wait 9 months for the baby to be born anyway.

On bad days I get frustrated. All our friends have kids now. I feel like we need to find new friends w/o kids to hang out with. Otherwise, we will continue to go to child friendly places with everyone and feel like outsiders.

RANDLOR - I'm so sorry to hear about your extended wait with Kazakhstan. We really wanted a child from Eastern Europe, but I had some medical issues that prevented us from being approved by that part of the world (they are very strict). I wish you the very best. Glad you joined.

[randloar]

Victoria- Thanks for your kind words; evidently, we are having trouble in Kaz too, but wish we had been told ahead of time that my DH having an arrest on his record (from over 18 years ago) would hold us up for over 6 months! We have hit most of the roadbumps along the way for this journey! I won't get started on that one!!

Its hard to have our friends that started their families years after we got started trying to have toddlers now!! I still go through waves of "why" questions, but, it is what it is, and thats why we are all here now on these boards, to support each other! Hang in there, it will happen and when you hold that child in your arms you will KNOW it was all worth it!!!

[Lovebug]

Hey Gang!

Some news on our end...our Sw called and our update is complete!!! She is sending it out on Monday, as tomorrow is a holiday for their office. We also completed our profile and emailed it out to the agency for their look over before we go ahead and make 10 copies. So soon we will be able to apply and WAIT! Lol.

Welcome to the thread everyone! Thanks again, Leigh, for starting this!!!

--Renee

[Leigh131313]

Randloar, WELCOME!!!

Nice to see a new type of situation!! I can't imagine the frustration with International adoptions...sometimes soooo smooth, and sometimes

So, I have a bit of a twist on the whole, jealous of friends with kids thing...When we were waiting to have a child (first infertility, than adoption waiting) many of our friends had kids....but one in particular, my BEST friend was harder than others. First off, when she started trying to get pregnant, we had JUST decided to quit infertility treatments...and all she could talk about was ovulating and fertility things...yeah, the LAST thing i wanted to hear about at this point in my life. Then, once she was pregnant her due date ended up being very close to the due date of one of our failed matches, so it just kinda rubbed salt in the wound, kwim? Well, I never let on that anything was difficult for me ...I hosted the baby shower (looking for the make me puke smiley) bought tons of presents, baby sat, made gifts...yada yada yada...

Well, anyhoo...fast forward to my son arriving...and GUESS who was jealous THEN?? My friend was jealous that I had a baby and she now had a toddler. AND to add to this, I stayed at home, she went back to work...again, very jealous...to the point that she doesnt even talk to me much anymore. And now that we are hoping to adopt another child, she's jealous cause she isnt having any more and we (hopefully) will have another baby (someday). It's VERY weird to see it from the other end...

[Leigh131313]

OHH I almost forgot..YAY LOVEBUG!!

One small step for man...on giant leap for a hopeful adoptive parent!!

[Lovebug]

Lol Leigh, thanks!!!! We certainly have alot in common! My "best friend" and I kinda have been through the same thing. We tried and tried and quit infertility and moved to adoption and she got pg. Well, we had a failed placement before she was due (it was realy fast) then were matched again and her DD and my son are one week apart in age. She felt like I somehow "stole her thunder" when I saw it as an amazing thing that we could go through all that and still have our babies together. Anyway, fast forward to now, she is divorced, with a toddler, and we are adopting again. I stay home and she works full time. She is a huge downer and very jealous and it hurts my feelings, too. She keeps bringing up all this negativity about how hard it'll be with 2 kids, I'll never go out, ugh. It is draining. So you have my complete sympathy. I don't know how to handle her....what are you doing?? Besides her not talking to you? I want to confront it, but I am not that way, so I am like stuck, kwim??

--Renee

[Leigh131313]

I don't do anything actually. It simply is not my problem...I can't control how she feels, kwim? I had to buck-up and be the good friend when she was having her baby and all...if she can't do the same, that's her issue.


May seem heartless...but really, she has to come to terms with it. ya know?

As if you didnt know it would be more work..LOL....Besides, who gets to go out that often even with only ONE child?? lol

[NurseNikki]

Leigh and Renee --

I can't believe people sometimes. Thank goodness the gal I call my best friend would never do that. We started trying to get pg at the same time, it worked for her, not for me. I too have played the role, hosting the shower, etc. I now babysit for her lots, and to her daughter, I am Aunt Nikki. I can't imagine what you two are dealing with, as even now, she is my confidant and a huge supporter of our whole adoption journey.

I have had enough fair-weather friends in my life. Right now is not the time for them. I agree with Leigh, if they can't handle it, it's their problem!

I have to ask -- do you (meaning anyone reading this) tell your whole family/friends you are adopting? We got asked by a friend tonight when/if we were having kids of our own, etc. I am sure you all know the story. She was curious, not trying to be nosy or rude. My DH doesn't want to make a big deal about it outside the immediate family members who already know, at least, not until we know something. I have a different perspective, I think the more people that know, the more potential for a "tip" so to speak -- this is how my aunt adopted. I am respecting his wishes to keep it under wraps, but am curious what others are doing?

[Leigh131313]

Well...I guess it depends on comfort level, and also the moment, ya know?

You always have to be prepared for questions when you do tell, so sometimes you just don't want to "go there"...so maybe you might not tell...but other times, it might feel right so you do.

Since we already have adopted, and everyone knows "someday" we want to again...I'm not worried about missing a "tip" so to speak. However, I'm lying my tushy off. I'm not telling many people that we are in the process...That way I wont have to answer the whole "have you heard anything yet" onslaught of questions that come after a couple months of waiting. It becomes quite disheartening after a while....and you start to feel like the token sympathy-girl...so I'm just avoiding it this time!

I really wish I hadn't told people about matches....and with ds we didnt, we called after he was born and surprised the begeezus out of everyone...that was actually quite fun!! The worst thing about people knowing we were matched, was all the calls around the due date....and then having to call everyone to tell them it didnt work out...REALLY crappy.


So...i guess you just have to do what keeps you sane...tell if you want....keep it private if you prefer...


I know, i was no help what-so-ever!!

[NurseNikki]

You're right -- I don't want to get the "have you heard anything yet? questions. I have a friend at work who asks once a week, she doesn't realize it is annoying. So I shrug and let it go. I know she is just excited. I really don't think I could handle that from everyone.

I guess it is all about keeping busy, right? I am teaching a class at night (once a week) and there is the usual around the house projects that are never ending. For us, this will be our first, so it can't come soon enough. We don't know how many times we will do this, but we know we don't want an only child. So unless we get twins or triplets, we have more than one wait to look forward to!

[Lovebug]

Leigh - I totally see what you are saying. And you are right for sure.

Nikki - Thanks for the sympathy!!!!

We aren't telling too many folks this time around either. Pretty much feel the same as Leigh and don't want to have to answer all the questions, etc, or make the calls if it doesn't turn into a placement.

--Renee

[SquirlyGirl]

I am extremely happy to finally be able to join the waiting throng. We started this process in February 2005 and after a year of trying to get a homestudy done, it is finally done and now we are just waiting on the 1 year update paperwork to go through (background checks).

I am so excited because we were offered a child the day after our 1 year update paperwork was turned in. We did not take the chid offered because we really are looking for a boy, 2 boys, or even a boy and a girl sib group, and the offer was a girl of 8. Don't get me wrong I love girls, I have 2 teenage girls. We just really want a son or 2. Maybe in the future we will want another girl.