[dyardley]

Cross posting to get more insight......

After a lot of thought, dh and I have sadly decided we need to postpone our adoption process. We have been paper chasing since Feb, and have been open with our almost 5 yr old ds about adopting a little sister for him.
Now, an unplanned job change for me, and challenges with my husband's business have led us to decide that both financial and time constraints necessitate postponing our process.
My question is, how do we explain to our ds? I am heartbroken when I picture the conversation with him. Our postponement may mean we are not able to adopt from Guatemala depending on the status of the program in 2007. We may not end up adopting at all if our situation does not resolve in the next year becuase I don't want there to be a 6-7 yr age difference in our children. What do we tell him?

[FtWthHen]

I think you might tell him the truth. How disappointed you and your husband are, what the factors were that went into the decision, etc. You don't need to predict the future for him, since you don't have enough info on that yet. Expect him to be upset and maybe cry. This would be normal and appropriate, in my opinion. There is no way to tell him sad news and not have him sad. But life is about happy and sad and all kinds of feelings inbetween. Let him ask you questions and give him simple, honest answers. Make sure you are in a good place when you begin the conversation - it will be a difficult one! Good luck!

[Linny]

You might stress the point that things are being 'postponed'.....put on hold, but not necessarily 'off and over'. From your post, it sounds as though you are hopeful that things will turn around and you will be 'active' again. I think I'd stress this too; saying that you just never know.....but you wanted your ds to know that this is where things are, and you'll be 'getting back to him' when you know more.'

We have had this happen in our our home. Our two youngest at home now, knew that we were looking to adopt another baby. We had a horrific thing happen within our family, and we even had to turn down a baby that was offered to us through an agency.
It has been one year....and though the situations have resolved themselves, we are still crawling to save the money in hopes of becoming 'active' by the end of the year or shortly after. We have a four and three year old, and have told them that 'we'll just have to see, now'. They were disappointed, have taken it in stride; but I still bring up the possibility that it still may happen. Somehow, I think this makes it easier for them to understand...that we haven't just 'forgotten about it'.....but, like them are hopeful and waiting to see what happens.

I hope you are able to resolve these issues, and become active again, soon.

Most Sincerely,

Linny