[trstbmbk]

My husband and I have decided to adopt 2 or 3 waiting children. We are very disappointed and frustrated, not to mention angry, at the whole system. We are on our second agency and have gotten no where! We got the complete runaround from the first agency and we are getting the same thing from the second agency. I can't believe people say that adopting is so special! Personally, I think it is more of a hassle. I want to keep going with this agency or another perhaps, but my husband says no more. We have been through the whole fertility thing to no avail. Just more gray hair and heartbreak. Now this.

Just had to get this off of my chest. I guess we are not destined to have children at all.

[Emster]

I'm sorry you're having such trouble. The system for waiting children is very difficult to maneuver. I think the biggest disservice that is done to families is that during the training, this is not emphasized enough. Families should know up front what to expect. There is such competition for some children from families from around the county/state and sometimes country. The caseworker/committee can only choose 1. Also, those systems are large, political and bureucratic and often the rules change or there are more than on entity involved in the process, making it cumbersome for families to navigate.

All that being said, I know there are many families on this forum who have navigated the system and could offer good advice on what to expect, how to best cope with that, and possible resources for you. Don't give up until you are able to talk with others who have been in your shoes. Many will probably tell you that once they got the children they were destined for, the hard stuff is easier to let go of.

Best wishes to you and your family. Hope it works out the way you want.

[StorkWatcher]

I know how you feel. It is so frustrating, not to mention heartbreaking whenever you think of the kids out there who are waiting! I am so sorry. At one point during our wait, my husband said he didn't know how much more he could take, and I was devastated thinking he might want to abandon our hopes altogether. Thank God we made it through - now we're loving life as a family of 3.

I would strongly recommend you post on the Foster to Adopt boards for some good support and maybe some advice. If you can't find it, let me know (post back here or PM me).

[Boulderbabe]

I've been through the system a few times, with foster kids and with my son that I adopted. Is there anything I can do to help you?

[Snorky]

Have you tried a private adoption using an attorney? It may not be as frustrating.

Moira

[Linny]

I second the above poster (Snorky). We have gone both the private and system adoption routes. We would never go 'system route' again....for a ton of reasons.
While all adoption procedures are a pain.....the 'system' is beyond ridiculous..

Sincerely,
Linny

[momraine]

I have to agree. We were kept hearing about all these children who needed homes and how badly adoptive parents were needed. So we decided to adopt our third child. However, my oldest was only 4 when we started the process and they told me I had to be willing to take a child over 8. We felt strongly that we did not want to do this to my oldest. So they told us to forget it. So we went foreign and adopted a beautiful baby girl with special needs. (we choose to adopt special needs) Now that was almost 6 years ago and we decided to adopt again. We had moved and my oldest is now 13, so we looked into adopting through the state again. We found a sibling group, with one child severly disabled and decided to persue it, we already had a homestudy. They would not even return our calls! We kept getting the run around. So we gave up and are going foreign again. I have other friends who have also made the attempt and given up. If they really wanted to find permanant homes for those kids they should make it easier, or at least return phone calls!

[blessedbybug]

We too have had a struggle with the "system". We started out hoping to adopt thru Children's Services but when they hadn't contacted us about our homestudy after over a year of waiting, we moved on to a private agency. Ironcially, our homestudy with Children's Services (they finally contacted us after TWO years) was approved four days AFTER our DD came home to us through the private agency.

Right now we are approved and waiting as a Foster-to-Adopt home with lots of "word" that there are kids for us but nothing happens. And again, just Thursday we are matched through the private agency for a babe due 6/24. We have basically given up on Children's Services. Lots of kids, but no progress by them to match us with the kids waiting. It really is hard to take, knowing that we are ready and they aren't doing anything...

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time...

[melliemoo]

We too got frustrated with "the system" and are lucky enough to be able to afford to adopt privately. I signed up with a non-profit agency that a friend had used, and then realized pretty quickly that she got "star treatment" (her husband is a local TV personality) and the way I was treated was so far from her reality it wasn't even funny.

I'm sorry it's so frustrating. I wish they'd make it easier.

Melissa =)

[jaenelle]

I'd recommend you go with an agency, too. We got a HUGE runaround from our state agency. We were told basically to just go away because we would like a younger child and they said they never have any younger children. They weren't very nice so I just pretty much gave up. The stupid thing is that we ARE open to older children, but they've just been so rude to me that I don't even want anything to do with them. I guess maybe I will call them again at some point if this agency thing doesn't work out like I hope it will.