[bagletkt]

We recently suffered a failed placement. We are now needing to update our profile. Should we include pictures of our finished nursery? Does that seem presumptious?

[Vogi2002]

If it is specific to boy or girl, yes, I would try to neautralize it because it might send the message that you are specifically looking for that sex. But if your nursery is pretty neutral then I wouldn't be afraid, I think it shows you are excited and ready!! I don't know if I would put it on my profile though.....it might be too much, but i don't know. I didn't put mine up on my profile, it was all about us and pictures of us.

I am interested in hearing other's opinion (especially the birthmom's on this site). Hope this helps!!!

Natalie

[bagletkt]

I'll try adding pics

[BrandyHagz]

I'm not sure how I would have felt if I had seen pictures of the nursery in M's parents profile. I wanted to spend the first part of our discussions learning about them and having them learn about me. Later (a few hours really) when we felt more comfortable, I asked if they had a nursery done and if I could see it…they did and they showed it to me.

Personally, I feel a profile should focus on you, your life and your marriage…then move on to more ‘baby stuff’…but that’s just me.

Maybe some of the other birthmom’s will chime in with what they saw and how they reacted to seeing or not seeing the nursery on the profile.

In the end, go with your gut…if you feel its right, do it!

By the way, that’s a beautifully done gender neutral nursery you have there!

[redribbonrose]

I think it's great to show a nursery. Our pbmom got so excited when she saw how much effort and love we put into preparing for our baby.

The best thing to do is whatever feels right to you. Having a nursery shown or not shown in your profile won't make the difference on being chosen, because the right birth family will find you.

[watermelon0719]

I think a picture or two of the nursery would suffice. Then, if the bmom wants to see more, she can ask!

[blessedbybug]

as part of the profile was of our house. We didn't do it the first time around but since it's finished we added one. It is gender neutral.

[DisownedRocker]

I would've LOVED to have seen pics of my son's nursery. I finally got to after I asked his mom to send me some. keep in mind when birthmothers are reviewing your profile, they want to get to know you inside/out, this is who they're placing their child with.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I, personally, was turned off by profiles with pictures of the baby's room. I was left wondering things like, "So, is this not the first baby they've tried for? Are they just gunning for any baby? Is my baby not special?" I also felt that they were trying to "buy me" with a fancy schmancy nursery, showing things they could offer that they assumed I could not. While I'm sure this isn't the intention of every adoptive parent, that's how I, personally, perceived it.

Munchkin's parents didn't do Munchkin's room until after our match and we found out that she was a girl. It felt more special to me that they waited to do her room.

Again, this was my personal experience. All expectant parents differ.

[bagletkt]

We had waited to do the babies room until we were matched, but the match failed. I am leaning towards not putting it in. I still am not sure.

[sadiegirl]

Katie,

My vote (not that it matters ) is to NOT put it in the profile.

We had a failed match but as we were getting to know bmom, we gradually showed nursery pix b/c she asked.

I just think it looks like you're focused on the BABY; in the early stages of matches and reading profiles, you should focus on the pbmom. JMO.

It is for this reason that I've heard more than once NOT to put your profile on "babyish" paper. It just makes it more difficult for the pbmom.

My .02 FWIW!

[dutchgirl2]

I have to agree with Sadie on this one. We never even considered putting a picture of the nursery in our profile. And as a matter of fact, we left out the wedding picture of DH and I, the second time around. It seemed redundant somehow and kind of 'in your face' to show wedding and nursery photos. Like 'hey, dontcha wish this were you!?'. Now that may not be how pbparents view that and some may really like knowing what the baby's room will look like, so this is just my opinion.
We thought it was much more important to show who we were as a couple and later what we were like as a family of three. Turns out our youngest daughters first parents went through 3 agencies and 80 profiles to find us and told us that they had most appreciated the fact that we were not trying to show off or be something we were not.
I also agree with redribbonrose, ultimately the right pbparents will pick you because you're what they're looking for. So you need to do what feels right to you and add the photos you think are important.

simone

[DisownedRocker]

would it be possible for you to have 2 profiles? One with pics, and one without?? That way if the pbparents want to see them they have that option.

[BlessedBe]

We put pics of the room that would be the nursery someday. The walls were painted but we didn't have the furniture yet (it was on order). There were also tons of other pictures of our house - we didn't just focus on that one room.

I had wondered about whether or not to include the pictures of the room, but we had decided we would. I was afraid the entire time that a pbmom would see our profile as a "looky what we have" sort of thing. We're totally not like that and live a modest lifestyle. I felt there was a fine line between "look what we have" and "look what we can provide." It's hard to make the amount of love we could provide a child something tangible and that a pbmom could actually see. Giving her a peek into our lives with pictures of our house and backyard and our vacations was the only way we knew how to do such a thing.

I hadn't thought about a pbmom wondering if this was the first child we'd tried for. We are with an agency that only accepts infertile paparents - so, I knew the pbmoms looking at our profile knew that this wasn't the first child we'd tried for.

Our nursery completed before a match wasn't just created for "any" baby - it was created for the baby that was meant for us. More specifically, the baby that now has two teeth, rolling everywhere, laughing big belly laughs, and bringing joy to our lives every second of every day.

I say ask your sw their opinion. They will be better able to give you an idea of the overall opinions of pbmoms on this subject.

Good luck and I'm sorry about your failed match.

[Scarlet]

We included photos of the nursery in our profile. It was one of the many things that lead our daughter's birth mother to choose us. We did it in Winnie the Pooh and she loves Winnie the Pooh too.