[KristineM]

For adoptive parents involved in an open adoption, what is the ONE THING you would want your childs birth/first parents to know? For any reason, the world is ending, you are dying, they are dying etc... What one thing would you tell them in person, in a letter, etc...

The one thing that you have not told them that you absolutely could not go on for another day without telling them...
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In addition what is the one thing that you would tell your child??

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What one thing do you wish your childs birth/first parents would tell you??

[ourdreamcametru]

The one thing I think I would tell Castle's birthmother is really a lot of things becasue I think I would let her read my journal which I have kept since we found out about her. It tells so many of our feelings toward her and how much I really wanted this child. I would like to tell Castle's birthfather, who choose to not be involved and wants to never be found, what a wonderful child she is and for him to know how beautiful she is and how much she looks like the pictures we have of him.
I would like for Castle to know how much we love her and how much her birthfamilies love her and that she is a very special little girl.
I wish "E" would be more open about her relationship with Castle's birthfather and tell us more about him so that we can share that with her when she is older. I also wish she would be more in contact with Castle and write her letters about how she feels toward her.
This is a great thread, can't wait to read what others have to say!

[mom2GRLC]

If I were dying? What would I say....

Birthmothers: I would want to tell them thank you....for blessing my life with the opportunity of being a mother. For filling my life with so much joy because of the precious baby that was entrusted to me.

My Child: That I love them with all my heart and have been truly blessed by being their mother. That while I may not be there the rest of their earthly life we would all be together someday in Heaven as a family and I would be waiting there, watching them and longing for the day I could hold them in my arms again.

What I wish their birthparents told me: That they loved me for the mother I was to their birthchild. That as they developed a relationship with them...in the future....that they would speak of me with the same love and respect that I speak of them. That I would always be my childs mother and that one day we will all walk hand in hand in Heaven....as a loving family and as best friends for the special connection we will always share together.


What else is their to share...but LOVE!!!????

[ourdreamcametru]

The one thing I think I would tell Castle's birthmother is really a lot of things becasue I think I would let her read my journal which I have kept since we found out about her. It tells so many of our feelings toward her and how much I really wanted this child. I would like to tell Castle's birthfather, who choose to not be involved and wants to never be found, what a wonderful child she is and for him to know how beautiful she is and how much she looks like the pictures we have of him.
I would like for Castle to know how much we love her and how much her birthfamilies love her and that she is a very special little girl.
I wish "E" would be more open about her relationship with Castle's birthfather and tell us more about him so that we can share that with her when she is older. I also wish she would be more in contact with Castle and write her letters about how she feels toward her.
This is a great thread, can't wait to read what others have to say!

[KristineM]

I stole the idea from a thread on Birthparents in Open Adoption.
I hope that a lot of people respond...

[aspenhall]

The one thing that you have not told them that you absolutely could not go on for another day without telling them...

Well, I think I always make sure to tell them all that stuff. But it would probably be, that we intend for her to have face to face visits and be invited to special events later on. (we don't do face to face right now) I hope she knows that she is as much a part of our family as our dd is. I tell her in every letter how we love her.

In addition what is the one thing that you would tell your child??

Again, I don't like to leave stuff unsaid.... She already knows how long I wished for a little girl just like her..I already tell her important stuff, but perhaps it would be to explain why there is limited contact and explain bmom's childhood....but again I'll be telling her all that as she grows....so...I dunno there.....she already knows that because we were sealed in the temple (mormon thing) we will be a family forever even after we die.


What one thing do you wish your childs birth/first parents would tell you??

Everything. There is so much that I still don't even know about her life and her childhood.....or for that matter, the life of the bdad....Information that helps me get to know them better. I would like to know how THEY think the adoption should be explained....or if they have any concerns about how we explain it...why...

[BestLight]

Originally Posted by KristineM

The one thing that you have not told them that you absolutely could not go on for another day without telling them...

DD's bmom: there's nothing important I haven't already told her, so I'd reiterate that I love her with my whole heart.

DS's bmom: Thank you for the wonderful gift -- you created a beautiful son, and we told him all about you and your love for him.

In addition what is the one thing that you would tell your child??

I hope you have on clean underwear! (Hey, I'm a mom, after all.)

What one thing do you wish your childs birth/first parents would tell you??

Both birthfathers: I'd just like to meet them and say "thanks -- I can tell you've got a lot of good in you because look what came from you."

[StorkWatcher]

K - I thought this looked familiar! I've been wanting to read the responses on the other one, but haven't yet.

The one thing that you have not told them that you absolutely could not go on for another day without telling them... This is hard. Maybe that we think about her every day.

I did just write out her Mother's Day card we're sending and wrote in there that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be a mom, and I cannot get into words how that makes me feel. I wish I could describe my happiness and gratitude without sounding condescending, but I keep imagining that for every difficulty I have doing that, she would have the same trouble describing her grief and other feelings after deciding not to parent her child.....

In addition what is the one thing that you would tell your child??

Hmmmm Don't know yet, since he's only a few months old and I already talk about her and tell him that his birthmom loves him.


What one thing do you wish your childs birth/first parents would tell you??

What you want him to know (about why you chose us, why you placed him, something about yourselves - whatever you want us to be sure to share with him!)

[redribbonrose]

The one thing I would say (that I want her to know)... is that I love my son (her son) more than anything else in this world and I would do anything for him.

The one thing I would want to know from her...is that she made the right choice for him and for herself.

[Hopp]

to the Birthmom/father: I would say what I've already said 100 times...."Thank You. Without your gift of life, we wouldn't have a family, or know what it means to be a mom or dad." Now I would just want to reassure her of her choice and tell her how much he is loved.

To my child: "Your firstmommy loved you sooo much that she choose to give you life. She wanted you to go to a family that would love you and she asked God to guide her to us. You were never "given" away or unloved. She did the ultimate selfless thing. Being your parent has blessed us beyond our dreams. The happieness that we get from you each day is priceless. "

From the Birthmom to us: That she is happy for her decision and is at peace with it.