[Fran27]

Ok I need to rant. I'm hoping I will feel less like the nutcase everyone thinks I am if I hear that I'm not alone in this.

Basically, we finished our homestudy two weeks ago and we are now officially on the list in our agency. We know that 20% of their placements are emergency ones. So we started buying baby stuff about 3 weeks ago, just in case, you know, even if we know we will probably have to wait months. We got basically all the stuff we will need in the first couple months (thanks god for the local thrift shop for clothes). I don't like having to do things in the last minute, so I wanted to be safe in case we end up with an emergency placement.

My problem is that, as you see, I feel like I have to justify my actions all the time. And frankly, it stinks. I could live with the weird look at babies'r us when we ordered the crib, bought a car seat or a mattress. I could live with the cashiers comments like 'do you want a gift receipt?', 'is this for any registry?' etc. What's really getting to me though is all the comments about how we are getting ahead of ourselves, 'isn't it a bit premature?' and all that crap coming from the family.

Has anyone else felt the same way when buying baby stuff before a placement? Just looking around at babies'r us waiting for someone to get our dresser/changing table today, I just felt totally out of place already. I was really looking forward to finally be able to buy things, but it's really turned into a bittersweet experience.

I had to get this off my chest. Please tell me I am not alone to feel/have felt this way!

[watermelon0719]

I completely know how you feel! My hubby and I decided we would start getting some stuff early because that way we wouldn't have to spend a ton of money all at once on baby stuff. Well, when we went into Babies R Us, I felt soooo out of place! All around me were these hugely pregnant women or people who were obviously there buying for registries. I felt like a total oddball. Finally, I told my husband we just had to leave. I just couldn't take it. I haven't gotten any of those comments from family though, but I can imagine how annoying that would be! Be strong, you're going to be so much more prepared if you do get that emergency placement!

[momofmykids]

I say it's your money, do with it as you wish. Tell others to butt out if they can't keep comments to themselves.

Ooh, and I LOVE thrift stores, too. It's definately an addiction of mine!

[nicks]

I completely understand where you are coming from and am going through the same thing right now!!! We have been waiting for about a month now. I keep telling my husband that we need to get things now, in case we have an emergency placement. It just doesn't seem real to us yet! but I feel we need to be ready,,When I hear that some people are matched within a week, I think, Oh My...I wouldn't be ready,,,and my husband says Yes, we are ready,,,we'll just get things quickly......I feel out of place at Baby's R Us. I love it there, but I always pictured being pregnant and shopping there, and this feels so much different,,,like who knows when our baby will come! I need to get over that, and just enjoy...I know that you can all relate, so that puts me at ease, but when you are the on;y one not pregnant buying baby stuff, it's hard.....

[mom2justynsarah]

I have a good suggestion. Do window shopping in the stores. Pick the sales clerk's brain for all of the information you need. Tell them it's for a friend. Then order everything online! LOL!

My husband & I have become online shopping junkies. In fact, I purchase most of my children's clothes & toys online.

It will save you the hassle of being hassled. There is nobody talking back at you through the monitor screen.

[Lovebug]

I had the complete opposite experience, and I am so sorry you are feeling this way. When we were waiting and began to shop around and asking questions, I had no problem saying we were adopting. This usually brought the barrage of questions, but it was ok. Our family was very supportive of us buying stuff for "just in case" and so even helped out! We had the baby's suitcase packed and ready for a long while before we had to travel in the event we got an emergency placement. Once we were matched, I did rewash and repack everything (it's my OCD..hehehe) but it was nice being prepared and feeling like I was in a bit of control.

My advice is do what is right for you. Enjoy these times before your baby comes. Be proud...you are going to be a Momma soon and you have every right to hold your head high in the baby aisle and shop til you drop!!!

{{{hugs}}}

--Renee

[MollyinSD]

I am sorry your family is not appearing to be supportive. Maybe they are just concerned.

Personally I was one of the people that had the car seat, some onesies and sleepers in yellows and greens a crib here, but still in a box. I wanted to be prepared but was worried about being too prepared if it took awhile. Looking back, I wish that I had done a little more.

As for Babies R Us asking you about a registry...I am there with my 2 kids buying stuff and they ask me that, even preggo they asked me that - it is just a question. I did register online early and told no one until we had our little man home and pointed out the registry was there. Babies R Us was very helpful when I told them we were adopting.

I really wouldn't let it get to you. Enjoy your preparations. As for the family comments, well they might not understand the process.

Our failed adoption, we got called when she was in labor. Our adoption that worked we had about 5 days notice. It can truly happen so fast you need to have some of the basics. Maybe sharing some adoption stories with your family will help them better understand what you are trying to do.

Good luck!

[ContactChar]

Originally Posted by Fran27

What's really getting to me though is all the comments about how we are getting ahead of ourselves, 'isn't it a bit premature?' and all that crap coming from the family.

I can relate completely! I started buying things even before my homestudy was complete, because I also want to be ready in the event of an emergency placement. I got a lot of silent curiosity from most of my family, and out and out rudeness from my sister ("why are you buying/looking at these things when there's no baby yet??"). I still kept buying, but the remarks did get me down. After I had an "almost" emergency placement, however, the remarks and stares died down. Even though the placement didn't work out, it shocked my family into realizing that it really COULD happen at any time, and I needed to be ready.

[Fran27]

Thanks for the feedback everyone I think the problem is that nobody gets it. We told them it can technically happen anytime, and then they say we're dreaming and it will take months... Knowing that they are probably right in the end, I just feel it's a losing battle. At least we'll be able to save money until D-day now that we got most of the stuff.

[gottahavehope]

I have an even more akward situation than shopping. My dh and I are hoping to adopt a baby boy in June. We decided to go to a newborn care class b/c we have no baby experience. It was us and five other couples. The women were all like 7 or 8 months pregnant. We show up and it is clear I'm not pregnant. I'm a runner, tall and thin. Anyway, we go around the room and say our hames and when our babies are due. I cheerfully say the due date for this baby boy. You should have seen the looks. We waited a few moments to savor the reaction and then laughed and said we were adopting. It was actually pretty funny.

I know it can be tough but don't let things stress you. You have every reason to prepare just like any other expectant mother. And, you are an expectant mother from the moment you start down the adoption path.


Peace,
K

[DebCsMom]

I did that with our first adoption! I bought things right away while we were waiting. The things I would need RIGHT away. Or something I found on clearance or whatever. Better to be ready. PLUS, I wanted to "feel " like I was having a baby. If I was pregnant I would have been buying things all along, so why not when we were adopting??? In fact, I even had to hide the box from my HUSBAND! LOL He found it shortly before we were matched. he thought I had gone out & bought ALL of it the day we got the phone call about our meeting! LOL One of the comments our daughters birth mom saud when she chose us whas that we could "get the box out now"! LOL

Deb

[Weezyreid]

My cousin often jokes that there won't be anything to buy once baby arrives ( I am adopting from Ethiopia--not domestically). I tell her that I don't have a baby inside to feel moving around, don't get the ultrasounds and doctor appointments, so I get to SHOP till my hearts content.
And they can always buy diapers for my baby shower!!
Louise

[ShandyNBeau]

I was so frustrated after a trip to Babies R Us yesterday that I came to this forum today specifically to start a similar thread!!

We were called and profiled this week for a newborn that we would have had to pick up within hours. We did not get matched, but it made us realize we need to at least have some "essentials" on hand.

We ventured out to BRU yesterday (a place I have avoided throughout our years of infertility) and I felt like a total imposter!! No baby in tow, and no pregnant belly either. I cringed at the "gift receipt?" "registry?" questions as well.

It is hard to know what to have on hand. We didn't buy formula or diapers or bottles, we figured it would depend greatly on the particular situation of the baby. We have a bassinet, enough hand-me-down clothes from my sister to get us through for awhile, and we bought some basics like desitin, lotion, soap, baby tub, etc. We have a few other things from my sister as well.

No one seems to realize the baby could come at any moment. They keep thinking that years and years is the norm for domestic infants and they all think I'm nuts when I say our wait will most likely be a few more months if that.

I want to walk into BRU with a huge sign saying WE ARE ADOPTING just to avoid the anxiety....

[Fran27]

Exactly Shandy!!! Maybe I should buy a 'we are adopting' T-shirt so at least I don't feel so out of place, lol. But yeah it's the comments from friends and family that are the worst...

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Fran27

Thanks for the feedback everyone I think the problem is that nobody gets it. We told them it can technically happen anytime, and then they say we're dreaming and it will take months... Knowing that they are probably right in the end, I just feel it's a losing battle. At least we'll be able to save money until D-day now that we got most of the stuff.

You are right... they don't get it. If you haven't experienced the lack of control that comes from these types of waiting situations, you can't understand. FWIW, we were glad we did the work of preparing early... our DD came to us very quickly when it finally happened. You do what you need to do. When all is said and done, what others think won't matter much because you know you did what you felt was best for the child who will be placed with you...

I say ENJOY shopping and keep them wondering... this is your time to hope and dream that it will be soon and with each day, it is getting closer!

Best of luck!