[Hopp]

I know there's been lots of talk about this, but I sooo frusterated and want to vent.

Yesterday I went to a new GYN for my annual exam and to be put on the pill (severe cramping, etc.). I've been seeing fertility specialists for the last 7 years so I haven't had a regular doctor in that time. This is a first time visit for me, and I seriously think this Dr. was fresh out of med school.

Anyway, I get in there and in talking with her it comes up that I have a son, but didn't list the pregnancy. I explained that we adopted our son and he's 3 months old. She looks confused at me and says, "Are you sure you want to be put on the pill? This is the time that you are most likley to get pregnant." I said I didn't get what she was saying (and NO I really didn't get it!). Here is her explanation, and I QUOTE: "right after an adoption, you have a great chance of getting pregnant with your own child." I was so stunned that my typically mouthy mouth couldn't form words for a minute.

I calmly explained that adoption for us was not a "solution" to our infertility it was what we wanted regardless of fertal situation. I also said that getting pregnant after an adoption was the biggest medical myth. She said, "oh no...it happens ALLL the time." I smarted back and asked how many she had seen and then said that we've been referred all over the state and every SPECIALIST has also said that's crap.

Ok, but above all that, I was sooo stinking upset that someone would say that we could get pregnant with "our own child." I get it from an un-informed person...but from a Doctor? I'm just sick. Regardless I'm not going back to her next year (I now have a year to find a decent doctor), but I am still left upset.

What is wrong with our society that this is the common thought? I feel like crying everytime someone says to me "who would give away that child," refers to my son as our "adopted son", or even refers to me as the "adopted child of D&C." I have a smart-allick attitude naturally, and I typically come up with something to say. The thing is that I don't think any of us should have to explain ourselves, defend our children or deal with the other crap we do because we CHOOSE to adopt! I will of course without blinking because I love my son and I love the choice my DH & I made, but it gets sooo old.

Ok, I'll step off my box now. I'm just sooo pissed and can't quit thinking about this ignorant doctor.

[rose524]

I'm in shock. I'm used to regular idiots saying that to us (after 7 years of IF), but to hear it from a doctor???


Unbelieveable.

[definitelyjulia]

I think I'd write her a letter explaining how hurtful that was to you. Sounds like she needs a little additional education. So sorry that happened to you. It reminds me of a time when my doctor at the time said to us, "You guys just need to go to Hawaii and you'll get pregnant. It happened to a friend of mine." Uhhh ok Hawaii the magical pregnancy island??? She's lucky she had a head when I left because at that time I was being shot up with Repronex and was a hormonal mess!

On a more positive note.... CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BABY!!!! I can't wait to be a Mommy!

Julia

[Hopp]

Thanks for the replys. I know that I'm right, but it sure feels good to have support and hear it from others. I was thinking about a letter and plan to write it. Wonder who I can cc it to (board of ethics- I wish). LOL!!

Thanks you all!

[AwaitingBeloved]

What a moron!!! People are so out of touch some times.

[dutchgirl2]

I know exactly what you mean. One of the most hurtful comments I ever heard concerning adoption came for the doc who did surgery on me in an attempt to fix my tubes. I came back in after 6 months of trying and he said we'd need to try IVF at this stage, if we still wanted a chance at conceiving. DH and I had long since decided that we'd much rather spend the $ on an adoption that IVF and I told the doc so. He then said, and I quote: "Oh, well, if money is an issue for you, then I've heard that black babies are cheaper to adopt that white babies". Yep! he said it.
I, like you, was completely gobsmacked and just remember mumbling something along the lines of, "race is not an issue to us and we don't care if our child to be is caucasian or AA".
I NEVER went back to him.
I now have a wonderful doctor who is caring and smart and educated when it comes to adoption, and who would never make such a callous remark.

Shame on your doctor for being so ignorant.

Simone

[mumofone]

Some people are clueless.....

Glad you educated that doc.

A very good friend of ours, who just happens to be a priest, asked us how we would like our son introduced to visitors he had. He asked if we wanted him to say "our adopted" son or "our son". Duh, what do you think? lol

It is one of the biggest pet peeves I have with the media. They never fail to mention when one of the "stars" has an adopted child. Why do they not just say "child" and leave it at that? Who cares whether or not they are biological, adopted or came from Mars?

Ok, rant finished.

[BlessedBe]

I'm sorry your doctor said those things to you. I don't fault people for being ignorant - they just need to be educated. However, it's when they state opinions as facts and myths as truth that I get a little irritated.

I am a little confused though that you told her that adoption was not a solution to your infertility and you would have adopted regardless of your fertility because you stated that you've been seeing an RE for seven years. Perhaps I may be wrong, but I do see the adoption of DS as a solution for our 11 years of infertility just as we were part of the solution for DS's birthmom after she decided to place her child for adoption. I honestly don't know if we would have one day decided to adopt if we were able to have biological children. But, what I CAN say with certainty is that I'm happy that our path lead us to DS.

It's just crazy the things people can come up with and I would definitely be writing her a letter!!!

[hotspice58]

Just goes to show you: having a college degree isn't impressive.

[DianeS]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I had a dumb comment from a doctor who should have known better, too. It was during a checkup after I had had a miscarriage and the doctor told me not to worry, they'd be sure to get me pregnant. I just sat there, kind of stunned. It was my fourth miscarriage, I'd never seen that doctor before in my LIFE (he was standing in for my regular doctor), he has no clue what medical issues I might have been dealing with, and he has the unmitigated gall to say that??? It was the last straw for that entire clinic. I walked out that day and never went back.

I wonder if doctors' offices have any clue how many patients they lose because their doctors won't keep their mouths shut about things they don't understand?

[dyardley]

My GYN, who I have been seeing for 6+ yrs, went through fertility treatments to conceive our DS and now for the last 3 yrs secondary infertility issues, had the nerve to say to me, when I told her about our adoption plans, that that "sure would make her job helping us get pregnant easier". WHAT?!?!

[tinktink]

It's funny, I approached my Dr. about physicals for the homestudy when we're ready, and he was just fantastic about it, very positive. Now, on the other hand I'm not sure how many times my mom has said since I've told her of our plans, "You'll probably be pregnant w/ twins soon." Not 1, but 2! Hmmm, we aren't ttc, so maybe my mom knows something I don't!

[iwrite]

I hate ignorant people like that.

My favorite question one of my friends asked why I intended to adopt and she said it like she didn't approve.

I just said "Why not?"

[tinktink]

When I told a girlfriend about possibly adopting from foster care, she too was obviously not thrilled. Even had the audacity to say "How old are you going to get, 17?" I said "actually 17 1/2". I didn't see it coming.

[Hopp]

The whole thing just frusterates me! They are "OUR" children! I don't even think about it. Don't most of you feel like your child came from your flesh? I so, and infact, I actually forget sometimes that he didn't. It is just a natural thing, and I'm raising our son as OUR son. He's no different than if I had given birth, and he'll inherit our family history (as well as his birthfamilies history).

You all will love this: Saturday night I was at a party and our best friends came with us. The party was hosted by a wonderful couple and the wife & I grew up together ("V"). Anyway, V keeps introducing us and Jacob as this is T&D and their adopted child Jacob. After the 2nd time my best friend Jamie butts in and says, "Yes, I'm Jamie and this is my vaginally delivered child "E"." She pulled my arm and I just walked away about ready to pee my pants! Later I explained to V how hurtful it is to me and reminded her of how I felt as the adopted kid growing up. She just had NO idea, and explained to me that she's just so proud of Jacob. I said, "then be proud of him, but you dont need to introduce him like that nor do you need to tell everyone under the son his adoption story." She was great about it, but it is still a hard conversation to keep having with people. I guess I'm especially sensitive about it because grew up on my son's recieving end. I HATED being introduced that way, or constantly having it brought up that I was adopted. Guess what??? My mom & dad are my mom & dad!!!!!!!!!!

I'm seriously thinking about writing an article to our local newspaper. I doubt they will print it, but it is so worth the try. I've also considered writing one and mailing it to all our friends and family.

Thanks for the stories...glad I'm not the only one encountering jacka**es!

Blessings!