[msmoo2]

We are working with a pbmom that is due June1. Since we've had a failed adoption on our recent past we are trying hard not to get over excited with this potential situation, though we are hopeful that it will work out. It will be a private adoption thru our attorney. My question is that we've just been called to foster/adopt a 2 yr old boy. Mom had been TPR'd but not Dad. This boy may or may not become available for adoption. My question is..... can we accept this 2 yr old boy knowing that we may have a newborn in a month or so? (and are we crazy for even considering this?) We already have one daughter that is almost 9 yrs. (she was also adopted at birth!) Any thoughts?

[DreamingAzure]

What does your CW/SW say? I know in many areas they really frown on multiple adoptions in a certain time frame, some only allow you to adopt one child a year(unless children are siblings). Also, is your homestudy good for multiple children? I know when I talked to my local SW, she said that the kind of homestudy she did would depend on the kind of adoption I was looking for and the number of children...

I would say go for it, if your husband is willing to really pitch in and you have a good support system in place. It's harder with 2 young ones, but I think it is VERY worth it!!

Best of Luck!!

[lovebeingmom2006]

I think it depends on your agency or case worker. Our son was placed with us in January 2006 and our agency has already asked us to consider adopting again. I would do it again, but I am torn because of my age (43). If I was in my 30's I would gladly take another baby today. I say if you can handle it, go for it...

[mommieof2cuties]

We do foster to adopt also and I say go for it because in foster to adopt anything can happen.

God Bless

[karaleah]

I wonder if a newborn arriving so soon after his placement would make adjusting more difficult for your fs? I mean, newborns are pretty all-consuming, and it seems a little unfair to the fs to not have plenty of time and attention during what must be a very difficult adjustment for him. My personal opinion is that he deserves to be the baby of the family and center of attention for awhile and might fit better with a family who was able to give him that.

Just my .02... Good luck with whatever you decide.

Shari

[HBV]

I know people do it all the time---parent an infant and a toddler--- but it was just such an adjustment to go to instant parenthood that I can't imagine taking on both a newborn and a toddler (who might or might not have special emotional or physical needs) at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't do it, only that just the infant alone requires a lot of energy.

I didn't want to stare at an empty nursery for some unspecified amount of time, so we had a room emptied out and a few necessary things in case we got a quick placement without much notice. That's exactly what happened (we had one day) and we had to go into overdrive to pull everything together to bring the baby home---not to mention the extreme emotional shift from prospective, think-we-have-it-all-figured-out parents to actual, sleep deprived, OMG-we-have-a-baby new parents. I think I would have been overwhelmed at the idea of going through that twice in such a short time frame (or simultaneously!) Are you already prepared logistically (nursery or room, etc.) for either the baby or the toddler? You also need to be prepared financially---you'd be surprised at how quickly it all adds up!

[Twinsnmore_Momy]

First of all God will not ever give you more than you can handle. Since niether one is a sure thing, I say go for both. Being a foster mom I know that the system is not perfect and it may fall thru. Same is true with the potential birthmom. I would let the pbm know that you are considering taking in this toddler and explain the situation. She may not want to place with another baby so close in age.Honesty is always best.

We were matched with birthmom and we had twin toddlers who would be only 18 months old when she delivered. She was very comfortable with that since we had 6 older kids to help us. YES, I am very busy, not overwhelmed and my older kids do help still. They are now 3 years and 21 months, irish triplets some call them.

I do agree that you MUST have a supportive husband too or it will not work. Extra help would be a blessing and be sure to take time for you and hubby,since it can be stressful for both of you.Hubby and I have a date night a week.

Kids adapt to anything, some just take longer. You may also asked the social worker if she thinks the toddler would need play therapy. Be sure to take one on one time with each child no matter how old they are. My twins hate to be apart, but we still seperate them for their special time. My teenagers love to get away from all the chaos too.

I believe that what ever is supposed to happen does and you will be able to handle what ever it is. Best of luck in your decision and enjoy your quiet time now since it will be over soon! LOL

[joskids]

Happened to us. We were fostering to adopt a newborn. When he was 6 mos. old we got a call about a 2 year old girl in another county (in Ohio) whose caseworker remembered talking to me from 2 yrs ago. Because we had not signed an adoptive placement agreement for the baby boy, we were allowed to accept the adoptive placement of the toddler girl. The kick was that on the day the caseworker called about our daughter, I had a call on hold from our little boy's CW to tell me that the hearing for permanent custody had been "continued because a witness could not attend the hearing". Get back on the phone with our daughter's worker who tells me of her availability and that if we had signed adoptive placement papers for the boy, their county agency would not have allowed us to do two adoptions at once. Basically , just minutes apart and because of a fluke, we were able to adopt both children. They are now 6 and 7 and doing beautifully. If you feel you WANT to parent a newborn and a toddler, go for it. I haven't regretted it for even a moment.

Josie

[redribbonrose]

This is a very timely thread for me. I just got a call today about a Pbmom who thinks she wants us to parent her baby due the end of September. Our son was just born two weeks ago! They would be 5 months apart. I need to find out if we can this legally. Aaaagh! I can't beleive this. I waited so long to be a mom and now I might have two children back to back. WOW what a journey!

[mommieof2cuties]

Red:

I would go for it! God won't place something on your plate you cannot do! You and A will both be wonderful parents...also a boy or a girl won't matter! I hope it is a girl for you only because you did such a great room for you son I am waiting to see what you would do for a daughter A and M are only 6 weeks apart Get the twin Aria stroller from Peg Perego and you will be fine

God Bless

[msmoo2]

Red, that is SO exciting! I've been following your posts and blog, since I'm also a member of the April/May/June adoptions! Wow, can't believe all the excitements you are experiencing right now. We're in the same situation. Our pbmom is due the end of May and we were called from Cherokee Nation (I know how you feel about them!) about a 2.5 yr old boy. We would really like to do both.... but I'm not sure legally what is possible. The pbmom were with is going privately thru our attorney, since she is not of NA decent.... so to me, it's two seperate issues. But I'm sure Cherokee Nation would not agree!

Best wishes and I'll be sure to watch your posts to see what happens!