[lucky2b a mom]

I am the proud mom of Lucas. He is 6 months old this week.
My husband and I have been with him since the second he was born. The birth father is not in the picture, and refused any contact. So, we have waited 6 months before we could terminate his parental rights. I am scared to death that before the adoption is final, they will take him away from us. After watching DESPRATE HOUSEWIVES Sunday, I am sick to my stomach. Has anyone went through this that can help me cope?

[Vogi2002]

First off, the mom does no longer have rights I am assuming. Those cannot be overturned. My advice would be to get a good lawyer. Is the birthfather not wanting to sign?

Desperate Houswives is a joke when it comes to showing reality. I like the show, but the adoption portrayal makes me sick. Fun? Maybe, but it does effect people negatively on thier views of adoption!! Of course, if you are 'scandalous' like those parents were what do you expect!!

Sorry, got off track!!

Natalie

[lucky2b a mom]

No, the birth mom has not signed yet. she has to wait until the fathers rights are terminated. Since we have to wait 6 months in Ky to do this, the mother could not sign. If she did, she would not be able to stop the father from taking Lucas before the adoption was finalized, IF he wanted him. So we have been raising him, but "fostering to adopt" for 6 months

[Linny]

You MUST have nerves of steel!!!!!! I will pray that everything works out well for you to continue to be your wee one's parents. I suspect that if the biofather had wanted to step forward, he would have done so before now; though I'm sure those words aren't much solace to you while you are waiting.

Hoping that all goes well....and please keep up posted!

Sincerely,

Linny

[ChristieS]

My son will be four next month and I have spent the last four years feeling like this - so maybe I can offer what worked for me.

I know what it feels like to be terrified that one day your child will just be taken away from you. The more you love your child the more the fear intensifies - and the more important it becomes that you do not let that "bleed over" into your relationship with your baby.

You also need to make sure you take care of yourself. This sort of thing can go on for years and you can't function for years if you stay constantly terrified of the future. Further, the fear can affect your bonding with your child if you do not care for yourself.

What I have learned (and I have been through trmendous anxiety and fear for an extended period of time):
1) Get a great support group to help you cry and vent and get it all out. This is a great place, but also family and friends are really needed at this time. Seeing a counselor can help a lot because it is there that you can completely open up and receive validation and support.
2) Try hard not to let your baby see your fears and tears. I know babies can still sense when things are wrong - but our job is to protect them and make tem feel secure, whether we feel it or not.
3) If you are suffering so that it is hard to get through each day then not only seeing a counselor, but antidepressants can help as well. Again, you have to take care of yourself so you can take good care of your precious child.
4) Most importantly: live one day at a time. No one, not God or man, promises us even one more day with our children. We never know the future and can not live in fear of it or it will incapacitate us. It always helped me just to look into my babies eyes, rock him, and let myself feel my love for him pouring out and I could live for the moment - for that is all we truly have.

TV is for entertainment - you can not watch a fake show and draw any conclusions at all. Do not watch things that depress or scare you.

I'm not sure what state you are in, but make sure you have the BEST lawyer you can get. It can make ALL the difference in the world. If you live in AL then PM me and I can offer some help there.

Don't give up and don't give in and love your child with all your heart. If you have faith in God then remember that if your child is meant to be with you then it will happen - although you may have a rough time getting there.

Feel free to PM me at any time if you would like. It is tough but you CAN do it and you CAN make it through each day - one day at a time.

Did I go on for too long? Sorry if I did - this is a subject close to my heart.

Prayers and hugs going out to you!

[StorkWatcher]

This is such a scary part of adoption!! Christie's right - try to take care of yourself. Keep us updated. We'll support you.

Now that 6 months are over, what is your next step in having the rights terminated? Is this something the state takes care of for you, or will you help initiate it?

[aspenhall]

Just because you have not heard, does not mean he hasn't contested. We showed up to court to finalize (after no response to the notification of adoption within the 60 day time limit) and there WAS a response. Bdad had sent a small simple note to the court well within the time frame and the court never notified us or our attorney....until we showed up to make it all final. I was PMS-ing too and 2 days from going on a big family trip. (not real relaxing!).

It ended up that the bdad decided the fight wasn't worth it I guess, because the trial date came and he never showed up.