[Fran27]

Originally Posted by chielu

"Do not seek happiness on the limbs of others' pain"

Welcome to the world of adoption, and if anyone gave any real consideration the feelings of adoptees and mothers - they wouldn't adopt - they would do everything in their power to help child stay with their people. That's he way it's supposed to be.

End of story...

Ta-ta!

Except it's not always possible, nor is it always in the interest of the child. Do we live in the same word?

[xantii]

Thank you all who posted kind words, it is truly appreciated. It gives us strenght to know so many understand and support us. Thank you.

[udn2k]

With all due respect, the sad fact is that some of our children will be like Cheilu. There is no way to know up front which child will feel that way, nor is there any sure fire way to prevent such feelings.

So if we can't handle angry adoptees here, on the relative safety of an adoption message board, how can we raise our children? Do we think we're "good" parents and that won't happen? Do we think our kids will wait until we're happy before dropping bombshells on us? Do we think we're invincible?

Most adoptees will try and use adoption as a weapon once or twice, just as kids will try "I hate you!" and "I wish I was never born!" or "I wish I had other parents!".

Hearing angry adoptees instead of isolating myself away from them has certainly opened my eyes, and made me a stronger, more prepared adoptive mother to be.

[myccg2004]

She is more than an angry adoptee. And she is in need of some MAJOR help. I am a strong and prepared adoptive mother and I will hopefully be able to handle any situation that comes my way. However, the original poster is in a tough position RIGHT NOW and doesn't need to hear the hurtful, mean words of an obviously sad adoptee.

[udn2k]

The fact remains she is representative of some of our children and their future attitudes.

And I'll ask again, do we think our kids will wait until we're strong and settled before going on the attack? I have older children, I'm a former foster parent. I'll save you the time in answering, no, they won't. When kids are hurt and want to strike, they'll do it when they know you're vulnerable.

This acutally couldn't be a better time for this issue to come up. We all need to be prepared to handle it, and possibly when we're not at our best.

[aspenhall]

Originally Posted by chielu

"Do not seek happiness on the limbs of others' pain"

Welcome to the world of adoption, and if anyone gave any real consideration the feelings of adoptees and mothers - they wouldn't adopt - they would do everything in their power to help child stay with their people. That's he way it's supposed to be.

End of story...

Ta-ta!

Vaild feelings, possible intent to educate....POOR DELIVERY/TIMING.

I'm sorry whether I disagree with you or not you simply have NO TACT or manners. And I didn't SEEK my dd. I waited to be found. By a bmom who no longer wished to be a mom and found someone else to do the job. DD gained a family, not lost one. I do not replace bmom. When you marry aren't in-laws considered family....or do you have family pictures with "just the family" excluding spouses from the pic?????? Your wounds color your words and your pain sharpens your words. the original poster is grieving. There are 2 sides to every thing. Happy and sad and to have balance in life you must ascknowledge both. As an Amom I DO acknowledge the bmom's pain as well as my joy. In this situation, you can be happy for the bfam who is willing and able to parent AS WELL AS FEEL GRIEF for the loss of the pamom.

[BrandyHagz]

This thread has been closed at the Original Posters request. Thank you everyone for participating!