[aspenhall]

Please contribute to this poll on here that is a DUPLICATE of the poll on the PADS board. I am a forum host of the Post Adooptive Emotional Issues board and I am attempting to define the triggers and risks and the differences between those who experience PADS and those who do not.....
The difference in "expectations and reality" in contributing to PADS is what I am specifically exploring with this double poll.


PLEASE only vote HERE on this if you did *NOT* experience Post Adoptive Depression.

If you feel that you DID experience post adoptive depression, please click on this link to vote on the PADS board instead. Do not vote on the link below unless if you did NOT experience P.A.D.

Parenting in reality....

Also, I am asking permission from the hosts of this board to post this poll here

[ahfdragonfly]

In my head, I knew that there would be adjustments & struggles, good days & bad, lots of sleepless nights, & tons of questions with no "real" or "right" answers. Knowing what could happen, and actually living it, are 2 very different things.

The truth is that nothing can prepare you for mental & physical toll of months of sleep deprivation due to an upset baby Nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming peace & love that comes from a sleepy child who reaches for you & then trusts you to keep them safe as they fall into that deep, boneless, sleep that only small children can do.

I knew I would have most of these feelings, the good, bad, funny, frustrated, scared, happy, silly, whatever you can thnk of. They are just much more intense than I could have imagined.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I chose the last just beacuse what I have gained being a mommy is better than I could ever have imagined.

[StorkWatcher]

It's only been a (lightning fast) 6 months, but so far they were much easier than I'd anticipated! I'm looking forward to the next six months and hope they go much more slowly!

[aspenhall]

Please click the on the option above and then click vote. I appreciate all your comments, but clicking VOTE after choosing the option that fits you will show a bar graph.

Stress and Depression/Despair are a little different. If you experienced stress that's pretty usual. If you experienced Depression that didn't go away or endless despair then thats more like PADS.

Expectations overall in the "JOB" of being a parent is more what I'm looking for. The Emotions of being a parent (good or bad) are always unexpected.

[ahfdragonfly]

Being a parent IS an emotional job. Being happy & playful with a toddler when you've had 1/2 the sleep in 2 nights, that you would have gotten in 1 night pre-baby, is pretty demanding. I want to curl up & sleep, she's tormenting the dogs with a cheese stick The "job" itself, if I were given a list of tasks for "parenthood", yeah, I knew what to expect. Completing those tasks while sleep deprived, with a cranky, sick, not sleeping well, teething baby, is another story. Without the nicer emotions & happy baby times, it would be extremely difficult.

I guess I'm having trouble seperating the emotions from the job. To me, they go hand in hand. That's wht makes it so much better or harder than I expected.

(p.s. I did vote above )

[aspenhall]

hmmm....I am not seeing any votes on this thread. Maybe it's got a flaw somewhere...

I know emotions are part of it......But I mean the overall picture of parenting for me included a ton of things that I simply don't do in reality. It aslo NEVER included (for some reason) any frustration EVER...I'm simply ALWAYS that patient.....I THOUGHT......

I suppose the typical DAY was for me in my imagination ...WAY different than an ACTUAL day parenting.

Lemme see about fixing the poll at the top of this thread....can you vote again??? do you see colored bars at the end of each option???




HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA .....*I* needed to vote before any results would show up!!! LOLOLOL SORRY!!!! (silly me)

[StorkWatcher]

I voted yesterday before posting my comment, and it tells me I've already voted, so hopefully, it registered. If you think I need to vote again, just let me know.

[traceyk]

I have clicked "Exactly how I had imagined" because you don't have a "BETTER than I imagined"

[crick]

I voted "I thought I was realistic but..."

Coming from a big family, I thought while there would be challenges of parenting 4 kids at once, we'd get a routine in place and all would pretty much adjust. I thought I allowed for flexibility, but came to found out I'm really not as flexible as I thought I was and too, there were certain things I discovered I had to be inflexible on.

Overall though, I really think the main realization I have come to now after almost 4 years, is that it takes time to work on things and time to adjust emotionally to things. Easy to adjust physically, but emotionally is a different ballgame, and I hadn't put too much thought into that really.

As it is though..."we done good!"

[lisa in venice]

I voted mostly what I had thought but that was only after the first adoption where DID experience PADS. I also think that the whole agency experience and the lack of control I felt really contributed to the let down I felt the first time but the other three were much easier. Our first baby was much more difficult then the others and the combination of a high needs baby, an inexperinced mom AND a move across the country and away from my support system made for a more difficult transition. With each of the other three kids I had much better support, I was more experienced and while Sam and Miranda were higher needs I knew many more tricks of the trade. Lastly the tricks that I had learned along the way really helped with the sleep deprivation which I think is a BIG part of PADS. Learning to get the baby to sleep, to minimize sleep interuptions and sleeping when the baby slept meant I was a much happier camper then I was the first time around. The best way to discribe dh and I the first year of parenthood was "Year of the walking dead"

lisa

[Linny]

I'd have to add that in adopting all of our infants.......the experience was mostly what I expected. HOWEVER....if you were asking about adopting the OLDER kids?.......QUITE a different story altogether.

With their adoptions, I'd have to say it was NOTHING that we were prepared for..........

Sincerely,

Linny

[aspenhall]

It refers to your placements overall that weren't acompanied by PADS

If you had PAD with one placemment but not with the other, then you may vote on each poll according to the PAD or non-PAD of that placement.

[Leigh131313]

It's pretty much what I had imagined...In some ways its WAY better...and in others, I was a bit surprised.

Nothing really major..mostly just surprised at how little I seem to get done in a day I thought I'd have more time for things (like knitting scrapbooking) but as ds is getting older (he's 2) I'm finding moretime....i'm also more aware of how important that time is.

Overall, I'm thrilled with Motherhood Best job i ever had. (I LOVE my boss)

[BestLight]

My first adoption was a very positive experience, but my second (2 years apart) overwhelmed me and pushed me past "stressed." It took about a year to regain my footing.