[blueyesof77]

I have a 20 month old step-daughter and a 5 month old daughter, (I wasn't supposed to be able to have any!) My husband and I have decided, since the Lord blessed me with a child of my own, that we will pay back the "community" and take care of another one of his children. One that is maybe in foster care or protective custody, I would like to have another child, but if I can make a difference in another child's life it would fill my heart with joy!! I have never dealt with anything to do with adoption and to be quite honest, I am a little skeptical after hearing adoption horror stories, and I don't even know where to begin!!!!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by blueyesof77

I have a 20 month old step-daughter and a 5 month old daughter, (I wasn't supposed to be able to have any!) My husband and I have decided, since the Lord blessed me with a child of my own, that we will pay back the "community" and take care of another one of his children. One that is maybe in foster care or protective custody, I would like to have another child, but if I can make a difference in another child's life it would fill my heart with joy!! I have never dealt with anything to do with adoption and to be quite honest, I am a little skeptical after hearing adoption horror stories, and I don't even know where to begin!!!!

I do hope I am reading your post right as it is a bit confusing. First off, I have to say that I don't feel it is ever right to choose to parent a child through adoption as "payback to the community" or even worse, payback because you were blessed with a bio child. I find that personally offensive, for lack of a better word. In the least, I don't feel it is a good foundation for a decision to adopt.

I'm a bit confused though... is this your DH's child who is in foster care? If the child was apprehended from you DH, would it even be possible for this child to be returned to his custody. I always think, when it is possible AND healthy for the child, for them to be with their bio family is best. And if you have a healthy home life, I don't understand why this child is in custody. Maybe you could clarify the situation a bit, if you are able.

With that said, the starting point, if the child is indeed in foster care is to contact the agency responsible for the child's care. They would be able to tell you what your options are.

[Vogi2002]

Blessed- I think she was talking about "His" children, as in God's children Or at least that is what I got out of it...

But I do agree about your intentions to adopt and being clear on them. I know that for a lot of people it is about giving a child a home, which is great, but there are others who want to adopt in order for themselves to be a sort of "superhero" like adopting so they can "save" a child. I don't think this was your point, I just wanted to clarify why we even ask...you would be surprised the amount of people that want to adopt in order to "save" a child....

Good luck though! IMO, I would be sure that your children are settled into thier 'roles' in the family. I would be sure that THEY are ready to adopt (and you & dh of course too)...

HTH!! Good luck!!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Runyan2002

Blessed- I think she was talking about "His" children, as in God's children Or at least that is what I got out of it...

But I do agree about your intentions to adopt and being clear on them. I know that for a lot of people it is about giving a child a home, which is great, but there are others who want to adopt in order for themselves to be a sort of "superhero" like adopting so they can "save" a child. I don't think this was your point, I just wanted to clarify why we even ask...you would be surprised the amount of people that want to adopt in order to "save" a child....

Good luck though! IMO, I would be sure that your children are settled into thier 'roles' in the family. I would be sure that THEY are ready to adopt (and you & dh of course too)...

HTH!! Good luck!!

Ahhh... well, color me literal... and now I'm Lol... sorry to cause confusion with my confusion... I'm sure it was just the way it was worded...

[Oliver1]

Congrats on your decision! It sounds like the Lord has led you to this path. Also, you should never feel like you have to defend your reasons or decision to adopt. I'm so happy that you and your husband want to make a difference in a child's life! It sounds like you have a lot of love to share.

I know adoption and the process can seem daunting, but please know that for every "horror" story out there, there are just as many wonderful, happy stories too (you just don't hear about those). I am a very well-adjusted, happy and loving child of adoption and I have two wonderful children through adoption as well.

There's a lot of good information on this site and other sites so research, research, research - and talk to a lawyer, your counties social services, or an agency. Information gathering is the first and one of the most important steps!

[mumofone]

Congratulations on your decision to adopt. Don't let the mounds of paperwork, etc. overwhelm you......it is so worth it when you finally adopt your new son or daughter.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by blueyesof77

I have a 20 month old step-daughter and a 5 month old daughter, (I wasn't supposed to be able to have any!) My husband and I have decided, since the Lord blessed me with a child of my own, that we will pay back the "community" and take care of another one of his children. One that is maybe in foster care or protective custody, I would like to have another child, but if I can make a difference in another child's life it would fill my heart with joy!! I have never dealt with anything to do with adoption and to be quite honest, I am a little skeptical after hearing adoption horror stories, and I don't even know where to begin!!!!

I think it's wonderful that you want to adopt. As with most things in life, you will hear about both the good and bad. Somebody is always going to have an experience that is either POSITIVE or NEGATIVE.

I for one, am an adoptive mom with a GREAT adoption story. I believe you will find far more good adoption experiences, than bad.

My advise to you (and to any prospective adoptive parent) is to make sure that you REALLY want to parent a child. There is a REAL child out there who needs a mommy and a daddy.

You are taking upon the responsibilty of raising this child for the rest of your life. There is no return policy. There is no turning back. You will treat this child as if he/she were born from your body.

I am not knocking you. I hope you don't take it that way. It's just that sometimes people look at adoption with too much of an altruistic vision.

My daughter didn't need to be saved. She needed a mother and a father. She needed a loving, secure and stable enviornment. This was something her birthmom couldn't provide at the time. That is why she chose us to parent her baby.

You are not saving a child. You do not have to give back to the community. Hopefully you are choosing to adopt because you WANT to be that parent who loves, cherishes, & devotes their time in raising a child. A child of their own.

[ChristieS]

Congratulations on making a lifelong decision which can bring such joy!

If you are looking to parent a child with special needs, it is sad but there are quite a few out there. Many special needs children are in the foster care system and you may want to start by speaking with a social worker in your county.

There is a lot of paperwork, etc. which goes into either fostering or adopting a child. Don't let that overwhelm you - it is certainly worth it!

Do make sure your whole family is on board - including your children. I think you have a gentle and pure spirit and want to provide a home for those who MOST need it - the ones with special needs. That is a blessing and takes very special people.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[FostermomCathie]

I also think you are a wonderful spirit to have these thoughts, my question is why so soon? With a five month old, foster children (if that is your intent) can add a lot of stress and change family dynamics A LOT. If you are looking at a long adoption waiting time I could understand your wanting to start now. My experience is that I have it really good and want to share the happiness, then get in deep and miss the easy times. I have to learn to live in the moment better. Good luck with your decision.