[Vogi2002]

Okay, has anyone just felt like they have been at a certain step in the adoption phase for just waaaayy too long now?? I have been waiting for my stupid homestudy to be completed and looked over for over a month and a half, it has been complete for two weeks...it is soooo frustrating!! I feel like I am standing at a stairway and I can SEE the upstairs but and still just standing on the second step up...can't I just run up the stairs really fast?

Okay, had to vent, I've been going out of my MIND with this wait, then after it is complete, the director looks at it, then the SW, then they schedule an office visit, then a two day seminar, THEN a home visit, ARGH!! It's actually why we chose this agency (they are very thorough) but it is sooooo hard to be patient!!!

Natalie

[mom2justynsarah]

I hear ya! Just hang in there. Once your baby is in your arms all of the waiting time will majically seem like nothing. Your baby IS out there somewhere. I know it's hard. Keep the faith!

Julie
Adoptive mom to Princess Sarah
Bio mom to Justy Busty
My two miracles!

[brandydawn]

There will be many days of it and you will even begin to question your sanity because the wait can be unbearable.

Especially when you are so close to the end and holding your baby.

Keep yourself distracted as much as you can....get the room ready, do a little shopping, research daycares....etc.

I kept my calendar as full as I could with family and friends. Anything to keep my mind off constantly thinking about the waiting.

The forums helped alot

Keep your chin up, just like the previous poster said....you will forget all about the painful wait when it is over and done with.

Regards,
Brandy

[etaag]

I see you are from Texas. Are you with an agency, or state? We are F/A through the state. If it makes you feel better, or worse? We had all paperwork, and homestudy turned in late Sept. 2005. We did not get certified, or hear anything, until January 2006. Hmmmmmm They even said that everything looked great and should only take a few weeks. It has definitely taught me patience in the process.

It will happen eventually.

Melissa

[BlessedBe]

Ok, so I know it's easy for me to say now - but, I felt as you do so many times - so, just hang in!!!

My advice to you is to use this wait time wisely. I haven't "seen" my husband in 7 months so I'm glad we took some time and really focused on each other before baby arrived.

[Vogi2002]

Thanks everyone for the sweet replies!! I am TRYING to stay busy, I do have a few questions though...

1. Did you research and find a pediatrician before you were matched? Did you meet with him/her? What did you say?

2. Did you research Daycares before you were matched? I really want a home daycare for the first year or two, but they might be full by the time I need them, did you go ahead and reserve a space and meet with different providers??

Thanks again for all the support....sometimes I just need to blow off steam....;-)

Natalie

[StorkWatcher]

Hey Runyan, sounds like you need another spin class today!!!

You're doing well to vent here - keep it up. This point can be SO frustrating! Because you've done what you can to move things along, and now you're just at the mercy of someone else's hectic schedule - ARGH! Too bad there aren't as many social workers at adoption agencies as there are waiting couples so we could each have individual attention - that's in my perfect world, though.

Here's what I did to feel like I was DOING something while waiting:
1. I did start researching for my pediatrician. Originally, I was planning on going w/ my family doctor who sees some of my friends' kids and is nice, has a brother who adopted so she's familiar with some things, and is close. In the end, we chose a special pediatrician who has privileges at our choice of hospital, extended office hours, 24 hour on call, a pharmacy at their office, and walk-in hours and an after hours med center, because we thought we were adopting preemies with special needs (ended up with a healthy little boy after all, but I'm SO glad we chose them. I had several referrals from nurses and friends and past patients, so I felt comfortable with them.) Start calling/meeting with people now. It's kind of exciting!

2. I READ BOOKS! On adoption, raising children, baby's first year.......Etc. I can't tell you how much I read every day, sitting in my car or at my desk during lunch hour, because my mind was craziest thinking about things while I was supposed to be working all day!!!

3. I got the necessities (car seat, borrowed crib and bassinet, couple onesies and one bottle). We did paint the nursery, but saved the decorating for after baby was home.

4. I spent time w/ friends and their kids, then lived vicariously through my friend's life for 2 months when they adopted just before us. She was a WEALTH of information since she was learning many new things as a first time mom and was going through a newborn currently, as opposed to my sister who says she's forgotten things in the years since having her most recent child.

5. I tried to be out of the house. Worked outside, went away on the weekends.

6. I didn't have to find a daycare, but I'd definitely check them out now.

I thought we'd have a year or more to do all these things, but when we were matched, we ended up with only 24 hours' notice before we brought him home, so I was glad I'd done so much early on.

[Vogi2002]

Stork- oh wow you have GREAT suggestions!! And I am going to spin class again today at noon, so I'm sure that will help EASE some tensions!! LOL I am also reading, we have to read three books at least when we join so i'm on my second....if only i could get dh to read...he asked if there was any "cliff notes" to these books...he's a very "to the point" kinda guy...ugh...and he's working massive OT in order to help fund this little adventure!! ;-)

I think I will start asking around for a pediatrician, any other suggestions for a pediatrician and the things to look for? Is it good to have one experienced with adoption?

Okay...i need to stop spouting!! LOL

Natalie

[kllee4]

You've gotten excellent suggestions so far and I can really relate to the long wait just for some paperwork to be completed. Our SW had our homestudy to update for almost FOUR months and it was driving me crazy. I like to at least feel like I was doing something, but there was nothing to do but wait. And, to her credit, she did just get hired and had a lot of homestudies to update, but it was still frustrating. Hang in there.

I also agree about searching early for a pediatrician and childcare early. In our case, ICPC was about a week and a half and we were told that she needed to be seen by our pediatrician within a week of our return. Our doctor's office is very popular and a newborn well-baby check-up could take up to 3 weeks to schedule (although the can schedule up to about 9 months in advance, which helps a lot). We also connected with the office manager, who after we explained our unique circumstances with ocming from out of state, she told us to call her personally to ensure that they got us in quickly. They also scheduled our 1 mo., 2 mo., and 4 mo. appts. so that we would have them at our convenience.

Since you mentioned that you want home child care services, it is hard to find infant slots in some cases. The providers that are really good are usually in demand. I am not sure of your state's licensing requirements, but I am a teacher who now does childcare in my home (set up in my huge basement like a preschool) and I have two assistants who help me with day-to-day tasks, as well as field trips, assessments, morning and afternoon meetings, play time (indoor and outdoor), computer time, meals, bathrom breaks, etc. I will not have an infant slot for at least 18 months because I am booked (and have been for since I started 18 months ago).

So call around, make visits, write down your questions ahead of time. See if your local child care resource center has a listing of licensed/regulated providers and see if they have a booklet of suggested questions to ask. Know in advance the hours you will need and the age your child will be when they begin. Ask for references, and ask to see their contract, CPR/first aid training, scheduled closings, curriculum (if they have one), information on any helpers in their home, etc.

If you find that infant slots are hard to come by and you really like a provider, they may let you pay a deposit in advance to hold the slot, provided that they will have space available and that you will not have them wait for a long period of time. For instance, if they currently have an opening for a toddler, but they have a 20 month old, then in 4 months, they would be able to accomodate you once their infant turns 2 (that's how it is in my state). They may also have more children if they have helpers (but make sure they also have been fingerprinted/background checks and training). Most states require this (mine does) and my licensing specialist must visit me at least twice a year (1 aqnnounced and 1 unannounced). I am also on the food program and they visit 3 times per year.

Sorry, this is a lot but I wanted to make sure you had something to work with. If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to help. (The kids have free play time outside now with my two assistants and I'm typing on my laptop as we speak under a tree watching them play! I cherish my little breaks and soon it will be time to begin lunch!)

[brandydawn]

I asked friends/co-workers for recommendations on a pediatrician. I then called and explained our situation to find out what they needed and if I needed to see them before our daughter came home.

As soon as we knew when our daughter would be home we called and made an appt.

I haven't found my daughter's adoption comes into play except for the family medical history.

I was on a waiting list for three months for daycare, so definately research now and even put yourself on waiting lists....it doesn't cost anything.

Regards,
Brandy

[BlessedBe]

Originally Posted by Runyan2002

Thanks everyone for the sweet replies!! I am TRYING to stay busy, I do have a few questions though...

1. Did you research and find a pediatrician before you were matched? Did you meet with him/her? What did you say?

2. Did you research Daycares before you were matched? I really want a home daycare for the first year or two, but they might be full by the time I need them, did you go ahead and reserve a space and meet with different providers??

Thanks again for all the support....sometimes I just need to blow off steam....;-)

Natalie

In answer to your questions:

1. Yes, I had consultations with a couple pediatricians and researched them throughly. I had an idea which one I wanted to use, but I wanted to make sure he was right for our family. Also, our agency had given us a pre-placement survey that we had to fill out stating whether or not we'd accept a child with certain conditions and exposure to certain substances. I used the consultation with the doctors to help me fill out the form. Basically, we said we decided we'd accept a child with any condition that could have happened to our biological child should I have been able to get pregnant. DS happened to be born with several conditions which we didn't even know about until his birth. Sorry - I know all that's not what you wanted to know, I tend to ramble.

2. Daycare was easier for us because my place of work provides excellent childcare.

Everyone has given you such great advice! I hope that one day you're going to be able to look back and say, "Wow! The wait wasn't that bad afterall!"

[StorkWatcher]

Runyan,
On the ped - it's good to let them know you're adopting. Some have extra experience here. In our case, I wanted to be sure they knew we have barely any family history so they know what to watch out for.

Also ask how quickly they'll get you in to see the baby one he or she is placed with you. A came home on a Saturday and was healthy, according to the hospital paperwork we had. He lost his umbilical cord stump on Sunday, and I freaked out. When we called Mon morning to schedule a newborn visit, they were going to get us in within two days until my husband explained that we'd adopted, hadn't gotten to talk to any doctors or nurses at the hospital, AND we were nervous first-time parents. They had us come in in two hours! LOVE 'EM!

If you have special views on vaccinations (see the other threads around on this topic for more info), be sure your doctor supports you in this! Goes the same for any other views you have on eating or doctoring.

Somewhere I've seen an older thread about choosing a doctor. Maybe you can find it in a search.

Did I tell you before that a MUST BUY is The Happiest Baby on the Block? Get it and read it now! It could be a lifesaver at 2 am some time. If you read it now (it's a quick read), you'll be able to refer to it quickly in time of need when the baby comes. We are fortunate to have a very happy, easygoing child, and we STILL used the book a lot. (Or maybe he's happy BECAUSE of the book). I wish we'd had it for my sister with her colicky first child.......

I also wish I'd ready more of my What to Expect the First Year earlier. Now I'm just reading ahead a month at a time. There are tips in there, I believe, on choosing a doctor.

The final sanity saver during my waiting period was Therapy Shopping. Take it seriously and do it often. Even if you're saving $ before the big event, which we all usually are, you can do comparison shopping for baby items to find the cheapest stores and cutest things!

[blessedbybug]

Yeah, the wait sucks. No two ways about it. I had a hard time with how long it took our agency to finalize our homestudy until we were officially waiting. They have 90 days but it is way too long for me!

All I can say is tie a knot at the end of your rope and hang on. It can be a wild ride. I did alot of reading on adoption, parenting and personal growth during that time. We travelled lots and worked hard to be as prepared as we could be for THE call and for our child finally coming home.

[hcbBABYGIRL2000]

My husband and I DESPERATELY want to adopt a baby, went with an agency, discussing even travel to China to get our little girl, paid nearly $2,000.00!!!! Then BOOM, we were told to withdrawl from their program, due to my husband's past felony charge!.. ... Talk about frusturated, WE WERE!!!.. . We were COMPLETELY honust and upfront about this, from the VERY BEGINNING! We were told it wouldn't be a problem! Anyway, now we aren't even sure adoption will be an option for us now! I am SOOOO VERY HEART BROKEN!!!! Not given up hope yet, but seems nearly impossible for us to, at this point! The next step, is to find out if we can even get a Home Study to pass, with this on my husband's past record, still no "for sure" answers on that either. SOOOO VERY FRUSTURATING!!! If we only knew, FOR SURE, that we wouldn't be able to adopt, AT ALL, It would be sooo much easier to accept, than not really knowing! Well, if it's God's will, (which we TRUELY feel the Lord has put this into our hearts for a reason!), and ALL in His timming, but it's soooo hard to be patient, I'm sure some of you, if not ALL, know exactly what it's like to have to be patient! Please keep us in your prayers, and if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, or even an agency that would be willing to work with us at all. We live in Kentucky.
THANKS, HOPE

[Vogi2002]

Hope- have you thought about adopting from Guatemala or another country? Or even domestic? I think if you just call around to different angencies and ask them they should be able to help you. It's hard with international adoption because there are so many misunderstood rules, that you just never know!! I'm so sorry this happened and I will try to write more, I'm getting ready to leave for the day!!

HTH
Natalie