[StorkWatcher]

This was on a country-specific board, and I thought it might be helpful to others elsewhere.

When people ask you how much your adoption did or will cost you, how do you answer?

My first response was always, "Why do you ask?" If they're considering adoption, I might go into more detail.

I might say:
1. Our agency works on a sliding scale based on your income
2. Did you know there's a $10K tax credit?
3. Less than / about the same as some people pay to give birth to their child in a hospital
4. It's not as expensive as some people think
5. Less than a new car.... (which, you know, new cars run between $12K and probably over $100K, so can't everyone use this line?)
6. Some times, we just total it all up and say, "less than $12K" or pick a number and say less than.


__________________

[karaleah]

If it's someone I know or someone who is interested in adoption, I just tell them the truth. We paid about $7,500 total for legals, homestudy and travel. And I mention that many parents pay more, depending on the type of adoption. FOR ME... I don't see what the big deal is. However, I realize we all have different comfort levels when discussing money.

[Oliver1]

I tell them exactly what it cost and why. We paid around $28,000 each time, not counting lost wages for unpaid maternity/paternity leave. I see it as a chance to educate. But I also let them know costs depend on which adoption route one decides to take, your state, your laws, etc.

[BlessedBe]

I tell people too exactly how much we paid the agency. But, I'm comfortable discussing finances with others and don't mine people knowing what I make (my salary is public knowledge as it is), how much we owe on our credit cards and such. I never understood what the big secret was about all that anyway.

Our fees were $12k.

[MommyBear]

I have no problems telling people the cost of our adoption, in particular what the fees pay for (which helps to remind people that we are not "buying" a child). It should not be a secret that adoption comes with a price - and frankly, I think domestic is a lot less than people imagine (almost everyone I talked to while we were making our initial decision thought international was cheaper. HA!) If I tell one person about the fees and that helps them realize that they CAN adopt, than I've done my good deed for the day

P.S. Our agency also had a sliding scale fee and our fee (not including costs associated with travel, unpaid maternity leave, etc) will be $14,000.

***NOTE - After reading some other later posts and taking into account the discomfort people have with talking about money, as it relates to how much they make (i.e can and can not afford), I should note that I am a long-time payroll professional (now a Sr. Mgr.) and in my business salaries are all I deal with - so they lost a LOT of their secret "mystique" in my head a long time ago. Its part of my job to keep people's salaries a secret, but in my own mind they are just numbers, nothing special - no matter what the dollar amount.

[blessedbybug]

It really depends on why they are asking. I usually just say it was worth it and leave it at that. I figure it's nobody's business. If they're interested in adoption, then I point them to the resources to find out for themselves.

[Vogi2002]

Okay I am definetely one that is not comfortable telling just anyone how much we are paying. 1. because i don't want the pity look 2. it's none of their business. Now, that said once I know you or at least met you before I lose my guard and will spill everything! Ours is also sliding scale, but I don't like saying the exact amount because people can tell how much we make (yes I am a little leary of this, don't know why), so I won't say " they charge 25% and that comes to 18,500. I say it's going to be a little less than 20,000.

Now, if they really are asking to get educated I will be more specific. Luckily we don't have to pay birthmom expenses so that helps in explaining costs....anyway, HTH!!

[DeafSiren]

This is interesting. In my experience, most of my family/friends have no idea how much adoption costs. I'm guessing they thought it was about $2,000. I've had my sister and a close friend say, "why don't you just adopt a child from China? Then you wouldn't have to wait as long." It is at that point that I've had to tell them exactly how much we are paying and how much international adoptions are on average. My friends/family have been shocked at how much it costs. But I guess I'm glad I told them so they don't make ignorant suggestions anymore.


As for strangers, I like blessedbybug's answer of "it is worth it," and maybe I could say, "any time you bring a child into a family it costs money."
L.

[BlessedBe]

Originally Posted by MommyBear

If I tell one person about the fees and that helps them realize that they CAN adopt, than I've done my good deed for the day

I've often thought this myself. People usually think we've paid an enormous amount or very little. I want the ones who are wanting to adopt to know it's doable (is that even a word - it looks funny) financially AND I want the ones who think we "just" adopt to know that it's much more involved than that (emotionally, physically, financially, etc.)

Runyan, if my calculations are correct...haha, jk!!!

[Vogi2002]

Blessed...you are too funny, that is how i think people would be...although most it would go way over thier head LOL!! Actually most of the people I talk to really think it's cheap to adopt, so they are really surprised!!

Natalie

[Oliver1]

My parents told me that the adoptions of my sisters and me cost about $350-$500 each "back in the day"!! Can you imagine that now??? Think of how many people would be able to afford adoption!!

[kllee4]

I have simply given a range of fees depending on who is asking. My close family members still do not know how much the fees were and would probably have a heart attack if we told them. For one friend who is seriously considering it, I told her what we paid but also explained that the first agency with a $2000 fee had a waiting list of about 3 years since they only placed 3-5 infants per year. Since our wait was about 2 weeks after the agency received our paperwork with dd then I explain and go into detail about what it covers. Since I am in MD, we are not allowed to pay for certain pbparent expenses, so this saved us some.

I am a very private person and some people can just be downright nosey. I also want to protect how dd may feel if we simply share with everyone what it costs. Almost like people look at you and know a secret or pity you or something. I want it to be private. I also have told others that ask and I cannot gauge whether they are sincere in asking or not to do thorough research before hand and I point them in the right direction. Most times, they don't follow through and this lets me know that they were simply curious in the first place!