[jean17]

I have a question? How do you all feel about people who have fund raisers to raise money for their adoptions? For example dinners, stag and drag concepts. We were invited to one and this family has bio children and live in a brand new 3000sq foot home. I don't want to go because i feel like the rest of us had to suck it up and sacrifce to come up with the money why can't they. What is your opinion?

[Vogi2002]

Okay, so I have differing opinions on this, on one hand, i think it is a great idea, but only certain things. If it is garage sale, selling stuff like a bear or something, or something that takes quite a bit of work on thier part, I like.

I DON'T like asking people to just donate (of course unless it is people close to you). IMHO, I think it is wrong to ask anyone to just donate money or give you money. I definetely see how some need this, but I do feel like you should earn it, for example i have heard about people giving out cards and they would come out and wash/detail your car for a 10$ donation per car. That is really neat, and I would be inclined to not make them wash my car and just give them the money.

Okay so i HTH and sorry if I was blabbing, I think the main thing is to be aware of the people you are asking from and your area. My family/friends would probally donate money but would think it was tacky if you just asked for money. Now, I knew someone who did this and her family/friends LOVED it!! So a lot of depends on your family/friends :-)

Natalie

[hotspice58]

Tacky but like Runyan said, it depends on your family and friends. I wouldn't go to a dinner that was a fundraiser. A car wash or garage sale, probably.

[StorkWatcher]

I don't usually post on things that could be hot topics when I have a strong opinion, but I'm feeling brave today..... I realize there could be several instances where I might change my mind, but in general...

I hadn't ever really heard about fundraising for this type of reason until someone posted something about it a couple of weeks ago. It seemed strange to me then, but maybe just because it was a new idea to me.

My very personal opinion is that I'm not in favor of this. If I had been able to grow and give birth to my child, I would not ask friends to donate money for my hospital bills or so I could buy diapers.

We would not have adopted our child if we could not have afforded it some how without having to fundraise.

THAT SAID - I WOULD borrow/accept monetary gifts from family to help finance an adoption. Also, if anyone else in my family or close friends asked, we would probably help them out.

[sadiegirl]

[quote=StorkWatcher]

My very personal opinion is that I'm not in favor of this. If I had been able to grow and give birth to my child, I would not ask friends to donate money for my hospital bills or so I could buy diapers. [quote]

Yes but, when you give birth, it's relatively "free" so to speak. In other words, when most people wanna have a biological child, they just do, and pay whatever deductible they have with insurance. Non-adoptive parents don't have to pay for home studies and agy fees and bmom expenses etc.

So IMO, I don't think *I* could do a fundraiser (altho we have borrowed $$ from family, but that's b/c we have a legal fight we weren't expecting), but I can certainly see how AP's want to and if invited, I would go and would donate.

[sadiegirl]

Originally Posted by StorkWatcher

My very personal opinion is that I'm not in favor of this. If I had been able to grow and give birth to my child, I would not ask friends to donate money for my hospital bills or so I could buy diapers.

And you know what? Bio parents do do this! My SIL is pg with her FIFTH child and just had a SHOWER and registered to boot.

I'm sorry but IMHO, that's way more tacky than an adoption fundraiser.

But I'm probably overly sensitive to this...

Edited to add: People have bio kids all the time who can't afford them, so why do AP's have to be "loaded" just to have a kid?

[Oliver1]

I would never judge or begrudge someone's efforts to raise money for an adoption or register for baby things or throw a shower - pregnant or an adoption. If someone held a garage sale and the proceeds went to finance an adoption, how would I ever know unless they advertised it? And if they did advertise it, would it affect my decision to purchase something I wanted from that sale? Of course not.

It's a personal choice if you want to donate money to the cause, buy them something from their registry or go to the shower. They are not forcing your participation.

[StorkWatcher]

Oliver,
EXCELLENT point about the garage sale. As I stated above, I'm sure there are cases where I would feel differently. That's one of them!

Thanks for helping me look from a different point of view.

[jean17]

all great opinions! I just can't go to this dinner and help pay for their adoption. I know I should view it as another child will recieve a home and not get hung up on the fundraisind, but it just bothers me that they have the abliity to have bio kids then build a huge house and then decided we want to adopt and oh by they way we want all of you to pay for it. We had to save save save and shop at yard sales, and drain our savings, and not go anywhere for several years to be able to adopt. Why can't they sacrfice!

[bumblebeeskies]

I DO think that it would be tacky for a couple to throw a benefit dinner for themselves. However, if a family member or friend did it, I think that would be ok. Of course garage sales are fine, as people are going to go to garage sales whether it's for an adoption fund or not.

Maybe it's just me, but I think craft sales are goofy. I know quite a few people who "think" they can make crafts. Imagine going to your friend's "craft sale" and once you got there, you didn't like anything she/he had made? I know I definately would feel pressured to buy something.

[Leigh131313]

I've done fundraisers. I made a cookbook and sold it, as well as created a pendant and several businesses are selling it.

Personally....I think it's all in good fun. It's a way to celebrate adoption as well as help out.


Now, there ARE things i find tacky....the whole online auction of the name is one of those...for bio or adopted children...tacky tacky tacky


Leigh

[allanacw]

I probably wouldn't go to a fundraising dinner the same way we don't go to Jack and Jill's that are a fundraising dinner. I can't even imagine my dh's reaction if I asked him to go!

When dh and I decided we wanted to adopt before having biological children we looked at the different adoption avenues and which worked best for our family. Part of that decision included the cost of each avenue.

I guess I'm saying I agree with a lot of the posters here.

[macrod]

I find the fundraising tacky. Yes, ppl have subsequent showers. I find those tacky as well. Your friends and family should not be expected to be pick up the tab for your children - be it bio or adopted. Besides if you have fundraisers or ask for donations, do you give a refund when you receive your adoption tax credit?

[karaleah]

Well.... we had baby showers for both of our girls (#1- adopted, #2- homegrown). The showers are more about celebrating the arrival of a new family member than gift grabs, esp. when it came to our 2nd baby.

I don't have a problem with fundraising for adoption at all. There are many people who can easily support and care for a child, who don't have an extra $15-20k lying around. I say, whether it's car washes, garage sales, bake sales... go for it!

In my opinion, the comparison between the cost of birth and adoption is apples and oranges. Most people have insurance or government health coverage that takes care of all or nearly all of the expenses. We paid far less for medical coverage for DD#2's birth than we did for DD#1's adoption. But they're both priceless, so it's all good

[dkb60]

It seems like there is a difference between a shower for a baby, bio or adopted, as a way to welcome that new person into the community/family and fund raising. I always wondered what people would say if I had a "pick the fund raiser" and told people we were trying to get pregnant but didn't have enough money to cover the expenses so we were raising it. I guess we all do whatever we can to bring children into our lives. What is found exceptable by the public just changes I guess.

D.