[KristineM]

I am really suprised that I only got one reply on my post about Birthmother's Day.

It is really sad to think how some birthmothers must be getting treated. Strange.

[Vogi2002]

I just wanted to let you know that a lot of women here have not adopted yet so that is why other threads that pertain to everyone get more "hits". Either that, or people just don't have a lot of great ideas, it says nothing about how they treat/respect thier birthmothers. I hope that is not what you concluded just because you did not get responses to your post, that is a pretty strong statement/conclusion from just one little post. I know some people might not have even HEARD of birthmother's day, I know i haven't! Anyways, just my 2 cents.....

Natalie

[StorkWatcher]

I hadn't heard of it before, but I think there was a thread with much discussion on the topic elsewhere here. I thought this was crossposted, as a matter of fact.

I read about others' comments, but didn't post my own since we don't have contact with our son's birthmother.

Do I remember correctly that there's no set date on the calendar for Birthmother's Day and that most people choose when they celebrate it? (Sometimes on the day of the child's birth, some times MOther's Day)

[KristineM]

No, I don't want to make it seem like some people treat Birthmothers badly just because they did not respond to my post. I am just suprised with the amount of people that post here and the posts that do get responses that only one person chose to respond.


Birthmother's Day is always the day before Mother's Day.

[BlessedBe]

Originally Posted by KristineM

It is really sad to think how some birthmothers must be getting treated. Strange.

You've implied that because I didn't respond to the birthmother's day post that I don't treat DS's birthmother well. Now, that is strange!

[KristineM]

Okay, well maybe I should not have phrased my post quite like I did.

I'm sorry for the confusion and hard feelings I have generated.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Actually I think that we have had many discussions on this in the past and most do not celebrate birthmothers day... because we are mothers. Period.

For some it is something they do.. more as a "I will not stay in the closet" thing... but for the most part... we agreed that we are mothers and prefer to be acknowledged as such..

So.... yeah... in response to your comment, trying to designate us.. and lable us as birthmothers rather than mothers is the worst treatment.

As I said on your other thread... I couldnt think of a worst time of year to be "put in my place" and for what.. so someone else can feel more like a mom?

Really... I dont need to be reminded... I would rather be acknowledged.

[KristineM]

Holy Cr*p. I started something I should not have started. Just an idea for a new thread. My mistake, forget I started it. It is always easier to say things over email/threads you would normall never say in person - I made a mistake.

[brandydawn]

Sometimes people read posts and don't respond, they might not have something to say or they might not have time to respond or they might not be overly impacted by your topic.

Remember on the general board you have people from a variety of adoption situations. I don't know what it is like to be in an open adoption since I adopted internationally so I generally don't comment on these topics.

Me, I respond when I have something to add to the topic. I rarely pipe in just to agree with something someone already stated.

I don't know what topic you were referring to, didn't see the thread.

You always have to watch how you word things, people cannot see/hear you say them so they only have your words to know the meaning.

Regards,
Brandy

[crick]

Kristine...sometimes people just don't know enough about a topic to reply, or just not necessarily of interest. And sometimes too, maybe it was a topic people just discussed recently and don't want to discuss again.

I've posted so many posts that either only got a few replies or none at all. Don't take it personally!

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by crick

Kristine...sometimes people just don't know enough about a topic to reply, or just not necessarily of interest. And sometimes too, maybe it was a topic people just discussed recently and don't want to discuss again.

I've posted so many posts that either only got a few replies or none at all. Don't take it personally!

Exactly!

[Happy123]

I myself do more reading than posting. I love to read other's ideas, but may not post. I learn alot from reading and many times what I would say has already been said--kinda slow I guess Lol.

Happy123

[Vogi2002]

I didn't think you meant it the way it sounded!! I never realized there was a Birthmother's Day and certainly never thought that Birthmother's would take offense to it (but I can see the reasoning why). Good to know!! I am curious if all birthmothers feel this way or if it is just some.....

Oh, and I think your scrapbooking idea sounds great!!

[BlessedBe]

Originally Posted by numbr1dbcksfan

Actually I think that we have had many discussions on this in the past and most do not celebrate birthmothers day... because we are mothers. Period.

For some it is something they do.. more as a "I will not stay in the closet" thing... but for the most part... we agreed that we are mothers and prefer to be acknowledged as such..

So.... yeah... in response to your comment, trying to designate us.. and lable us as birthmothers rather than mothers is the worst treatment.

As I said on your other thread... I couldnt think of a worst time of year to be "put in my place" and for what.. so someone else can feel more like a mom?

Really... I dont need to be reminded... I would rather be acknowledged.

Who ever said honoring the birthmother of their child on a special day just for her makes them feel more like a mom? That's unfair to say to us adoptive moms. And honestly, that was a low blow. We aren't all out to "pretend" as though we gave birth to our children and think up ways to make us feel more entitled to them and I'm surely not sitting thinking of ways to DS's birthmother "in their place."

We won't be celebrating a special birthmother day for DS's birthmom, we'll simply be sending her a card for Mother's Day and a gift expressing our love and respect for who she is not what she is or has done.

I'm also confused so can I ask how you can be acknowledged without being reminded?

It's been a long, hard road to parenthood for us. This Mother and Father's day is greatly anticipated. Because, I'll tell you - I sat in entirely too many church services during our eleven years of infertility (and 3 failed adoption matches) watching beaming mothers with their children receive the acknowledgment they deserved. Now it's my turn too and it will be a great day indeed! However, that doesn't mean that I will not be thinking of the woman who gave my dear boy life.

As an adoptive mom, I'd love to have a day where I'm acknowledged for our labor of love in our journey to our son. So many times people don't understand just how difficult it is on this end.

[mom2GRLC]

I think in a way some people get burnt out on certian topics, that we have discussed to no end before. Or there are just other things that catch our interest more.

I don't really know what to do with birthmothers day. I didn't even know about it until last year and I still have mixed feelings about it.

Personally, I feel mothers day is more appropriate to celebrate or awchnowledge...because even though they aren't parenting their child they will always be a mother.

In my church every woman 18 and up is recognized on mothers day.....wether your married or not, wether you have kids or not, wether your infertile or not, it's a celebration of womanhood....and the divine role we have in loving and nurturing our children or those we are associated with.

It just seems kinda strange to not celebrate birthmom's motherhood on that day as well.