[taramayrn]

Ugh I'm frustrated because I never said that open adoption worked for everyone, but I did say that the open adoptions that I have seen have worked. I do not discount anyone's experience and I honestly don't think I have done that here or anywhere in this forum.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by merrill1277

Having read up some on adoption history, my understanding is that as a result of less babies becoming available for adoption beginning in the 1970's and 80's, the idea of open adoption grew over the following decades. I have read that many bmothers would not have relinquished if open adoption weren't available. So if this is the case, many who are parenting now may not have been if it weren't for open adoption. I have also read that open adoption also became available because it was generally considered better for the children. I think this was in part based upon the work of adoption therapists Reuben Pannor, Arthur Sorosky and Annette Baran, as well as others.
Merrill

Merrill makes a good point. The fact is that many parents would not place if they did not have the option of open adoption. Is it always good for the child? Probably not. Can all birth parents and adoptive parents deal with it? Obviously not. But now that it is a well-known option for potential birth parents, there is no turning back to the era were all adoptions were closed.

When my daughter was considering adoption for her son, open adoption was the only option on the table. Semi-closed or closed was not a up for discussion and any couple who raised that option were immediately dropped from consideration. She wanted to see her son and felt that she had a positive role to play in his life, even though she could not be his mother if she chose adoption. It was not until later that she realized that open adoption was probably better for her son. One of the reasons that she backed off from adoption and decided to raise her son was that the risk of the adoption closing was very real given her personal experiences.

So, we can debate all we like about the which choice is better in which situation, but the reality is that as long as there is a choice for potential birth parents, most will opt for open adoption.

Happy G'Ma

[bromanchik]

Here is the longitudinal study link.
http://fsos.che.umn.edu/projects/mtarp/About_Us.html

There is also a study on open adoption and ethics which I ordered. It's 281 pages and not avaliable on-line.

Here is an abstract from another article.
The Relationship between Changes in the Type and Frequency of Contact in Open and Closed Adoptions and Behavioral Outcomes of Adopted Children

Author: Castagnini, Cristina A

Abstract
*
Openness in adoption is a topic of much controversy and debate. Adoptive parents who adopted infants in 1988 and 1989 were asked to complete surveys, which included the Behavior Problems Inventory (BPI) in order to measure behavioral outcomes of their children in open and traditional, or closed, adoptions who were adopted as infants. The surveys were sent out and completed during three different time intervals: at 2 years post-placement, 5 years post-placement, and 8 years post-placement. Findings revealed that of the 410 adoptees involved in this study, adoptees in both open and closed adoptions were doing rather well. Results indicate that adoptees' behavioral outcomes change in the same way across time. However, adoptees in closed adoptions evidenced more symptoms of anxiety, depression, and withdrawal over time than did adoptees in open adoption. Also investigated were the levels, types, frequency, and amount of contact between members of the adoptive and birth families in relation to adoptees' behavioral outcomes over time. A discussion about these findings as well as areas for future research are also discussed.

I think it is important that I note that I do not believe fully open adoptions are for everybody. There are many who cannot handle the complexity and ambiguity of those relationships. This said, I have seen and other research supports, that adopted children receive more benefit when birthparents and adoptive parents are able to form a collaboritive relationship.

[happygmom]

Thanks, Brenda. Great information.

Happy G'Ma

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Thats the one I sent her!

[hopetoadoptblog]

Surprise, surprise Brenda, I agree. haha

The adoption path I am coming through will be foster to adopt. For the most part, an open adoption is not the best option for those kids...

There is a group of 2, however, I am being considered for, that I know their mother personally.

One is 16, and one is 11.

However, in their case, it is therapeutic for them to see their mother twice a year, because they ALL realize that she cannot/could not parent them (their mother is VERY slow, and just lacked parenting skills all around).

If those 2 become our children...absolutely I will support a more open adoption.

However, in the case of the other groups we're being considered for...with fathers that molested and mothers who failed to protect or are in trouble themselves...I would NOT support contact there unless the parents were dealing with things and recovering, and there was proof other than "I am doing so much better" (verbal from the parent).

That would have nothing to do with ME...it would be what is in the best interests of my child(ren).

As someone said in the posts...one adoption does not fit all...and that is the TRUTH!

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I think it is important that I note that I do not believe fully open adoptions are for everybody. There are many who cannot handle the complexity and ambiguity of those relationships. This said, I have seen and other research supports, that adopted children receive more benefit when birthparents and adoptive parents are able to form a collaboritive relationship.

[alwaysus]

I want to clarify that we agreed to SEMI open adoption, I AM against misleading an expectant mother just to have an adoption finalized So we were VERY upfront with her from the beginning.( can't really have a closed adoption because our boys birthmother is my husbands sister) We told her letters, pictures and updates a few times a year. BUT once she got out of prison we allowed almost unlimited SUPERVISED contact( with the first adoption) until their birthmother ended upon meth and in prison again. Even then, we have send HUNDREDS of pics and DOZENS of letters to her.

[mom2GRLC]

To clarify...
My child was adopted through fostercare, her bmom is having a hard time accepting the adoption in the first place, she has either openly or by her tone consistently expressed sadness/anger/denial or resentment over the adoption in the presesnce of my daughter who is old enough to feel it. She has failed to protect her which not only brought her into fostercare but also had several insisdents of safety issues during her unsupervised home visits before....she ended up testing positive for drugs last minute(during the time she had my daughter for the weekend) she only signed over her rights because she had to...or she would have lost her other daughter as well.

I've tried my hardest to keep that relationship open.....but in my case....there is NO way in heck I could ever trust her enough to include overnight visits or unsupervised visits to her home. I would not only fear what circumstance she will be placed into....but also what might be said to her(regarding that always being her home....or her being her mom) my daughter could not handle that at all.

[bromanchik]

Can someone let me know what a rep point is???

[numbr1dbcksfan]

It is the green boxes on the left side of each of your posts. People leave positive or negative comments that you can read in your user CP. There are a few threads about it on the board somewhere.

FYI guys... directly proclaiming that you are answering a rep comment IS against ToS ... but passively replying to a comment is not. So the declarations will probably be edited later when a mod logs in.

[mom2GRLC]

I forgot to mention.....

yes....she did give life to my precious daughter and she has great love for my daughter that I have felt and can see every time i look at my daughter and see her same features.

But SHE did not make me a mother. ..(in the sense she created her yes), but the state had already given her plenty of opportunity to change after a year and a half and she was still doing drugs and if she had not have signed over her rights at the moment she did then they would have removed her new daughter from her home as well...and she would have lost both. She did not want me to be her mother...she made that choice for herself...so she wouldn't have to loose both children. She openly admits it, it's no secret.

So yes...i will always love her and respect her for the love she does have for my daughter and for the fact she will always be her first mother. But....just the fact she "made" me a mother in the process of all that....doesn't mean I owe her anything or have to open my child/family up in the future to contact we do not feel is appropriate.

[manni28]

Brenda:


Did you ever get a chance to read the info that I gave you, and if you did read both posts, what do you think?


Manni

[crick]

Thanks Christine!

Ya, she's right..guys...no rep discussion allowed. You can respond and clarify but no rep discussion.

Thanks!

[sadiegirl]

And I just want to clarify; I never said I was against open adoption either. I very clearly stated we have semi open right now with DS's bmom. I also stated I wanted to know more about open to make an informed decision.

I, in fact, asked others for some research. I am sure open adoption can be a very good thing but it depends on ALL the parties involved...

[kakuehl]

MOM2GRLC: you wrote, "yes....she did give life to my precious daughter and she has great love for my daughter that I have felt and can see every time i look at my daughter and see her same features.

But SHE did not make me a mother."

As a bmom, I agree with you. You became your daughter's mother when you adopted her, because you CHOSE to be her mother and love and care for her. From the sounds of your story, her bmom chose NOT to be a mother (at least not one who was able to put her children's needs above her own).

When I placed my son for adoption, open adoption was not an option so we didn't have this particular quagmire to cross. Some of the issues are still present however as bson and I deal with the issues of reunion. While I am very interested in being part of bson's life, my goal is not to take his aparents place in his life. They are his parents. They have been very gracious although his amom is a bit nervous about my (re)appearance. For my part, I'm intersted in getting to know this family and having my own life and family enriched and enlarged in the process.

Blessing on ALL mothers!
Kathy