[sissyminsky]

My husband and I recently adopted a wonderful baby boy, and though we are not even sure if we want to adopt again we have been thinking about it in vague terms.

When we were waiting for our baby, we both sort of assumed that we would be matched with an AA girl. Our son is hispanic.

So now my question is if we do decide to adopt again, whenever that might be, how do we address the racial issue? Do we try to adopt another child who is hispanic to "match" our baby? Do we choose to pursue an AA adoption or should we try to find an AA/hispanic baby? Or, since we will both be old enough to go through China, do we adopt internationally to assure that we have a daughter?

I think it is a blessing that we have all these options, and I know that essentially my dh and I have to decide what is right for us. But, I wonder if any of you have already wrestled with these issues.

Sissy

[icunurse]

I can kinda understand what you're going through, but for a little different reason....we were open to many races when we started the adoption process. We ended up with a CC DS. When we were starting up the process for a second child, we did question how much a child of a different race would "stick out" in our family (as we are all CC), would he/she feel slightly alienated, etc? We also wonder if the fact that our DS is CC will be a factor for pbmom not choosing us if their child isn't CC. In the end, we decided to leave our race choices open. A lot of people have families who don't share the same race and they seem just fine.

[MommyBear]

siisyminsky - I don't think you need to match yout next child to your son. Now that you've already adopted transracially, you are already diverse as a family. Your son will be raised to love you as if there were no differences and he will grow to love a sibling that way too. If you want a girl, that's fine - go for it and don't worry about race.

icunurse - I appreciated hearing that you thought you would match with an AA girl, but ended up with a CC boy. We are CC and I just have the strongest feeling that we will be matched a Hispanic boy! We are already "planning " our 2nd adoption - a girl from China! Won't we be surprised when things work out exactly the way the universe wants it - as opposed to what we've "planned" LOL

[lisa in venice]

I am AA my dh is CC and when we talked about adopting we thought it would be full AA chidlren because that was where we heard the need was. First ds was hisp/CC (Puerto Rican of African decent/French Canadian). We thought about it with #2 and decided that it would be ok if #2 didn't look like we could have "made" him/her and again we assumed we would get a full AA child. Again we were matched with a Biracial child. Before we could go to the well a thrid time a cyber frined matched with another biracial child. By the time we got to # four we were SURE this time it would be a full AA baby but once more the person who picked our profile was carrying a biracial baby. Here is the intersting thing THAT baby is the one who looks like a trans racial placment. She is pretty fair skinned with bone straight hair and I wonder what she will think about "fitting" in with the other kids.

I don't worry that much. Like you we are a multiracial family and I think that makes it easier. Also we live in a very diverse area. At our elementary school the single largest group of minority students are chidlren of mixed race and trans racial families are VERY common (Sam has three transracially adopted kids just in his class of 17!) I think the new world that our kids are growing up in will make a difference and whether or not you look like anyone in your family will be less of an issue becasue you still see yourself reflected in your community, your school etc AND your expereince as a transracially adopted child is becoming increasingly common so you will have peers to share with.

lisa

[Linny]

In our adoptions, we made sure that we did not have 'one' of any one race. We have adopted internationally (Korea and Japan); through the state system (two were seemingly CC, one possibly NA/CC), and our two youngest are AA.
We do think it is important...though not to the point that I would specifically adopt another hispanic baby. Rather, I personally would not be open to a CC baby.....but any baby of color.

We always felt that this was important. Our first two (Asian babies) are now grown. They have expressed that they've not felt having the 'same race' was such a big deal. But, I can tell you that already, it has been good to have two AA babies. The older of the two, is already showing curiosity over the difference in skin color of her momma and daddy and herself. We think that in years to come, this 'sameness' will serve them both well.

It is an individual choice for each family; but for us, it was certain we would have more than one child of any one race. We hope to adopt another baby, and we will not accept anything other than an AA baby.

My best to you in your decision.....

Sincerely,

Linny

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by icunurse

I can kinda understand what you're going through, but for a little different reason....we were open to many races when we started the adoption process. We ended up with a CC DS. When we were starting up the process for a second child, we did question how much a child of a different race would "stick out" in our family (as we are all CC), would he/she feel slightly alienated, etc? We also wonder if the fact that our DS is CC will be a factor for pbmom not choosing us if their child isn't CC. In the end, we decided to leave our race choices open. A lot of people have families who don't share the same race and they seem just fine.

This is exactly our situation. We were pointedly and delicately questioned by our agency to make sure we understood all the implications. We chose to keep our choice of ethnicity open, leaving it upto the expecting parents to determine whether they thought it was a good situation for their child. I have family members who are visibly different and they're still family.

Ironically, we would not be Bug's parents had we not been willing to consider other ethnicities. Our file would have never been shown to her first mother who is part Cree. We are so thankful...