[MMC66]

I'm still upset about something that happened today. I was talking with someone I didn't know well at all and she was referring to her children. I asked her how many kids she had. She said she had three children and one "adopted daughter" (total of four). She didn't know I was an adoptive parent.

What a HORRIBLE thing to say. And if she says that to a stranger, who else does she refer to her daughter as her "adopted daughter". I am just saddened by this and hope it doesn't happen often.

Martha

[alwaysus]

See, that would have upset me too. I have 6 kids, not 4 kids and 2 adopted kids. I agree, she should not have set her daughter apart that way.

[blessedbybug]

This just makes me sad... I hope it doesn't happen often, that she is set apart like that.

[Roon63]

just a quick pop in maybe understanding. I am an adoptive momma to 4, and really never ever tell people these are my adoptive kids, but the words, " and my adopted daughter" has come out of my mouth. This is when refering in a joking way to the little girl, that is very close to my kids, she goes with us alot. I will jokingly say, and my adopted daughter...

I just was wondering if perhaps (I am really hoping for this precious little girls sake), that she really isn't adopted in the family, but it was said in jest, due to her being with them. For it would be sad to be set apart, or alienated by the fact she was adopted.

The adoption of my kids is brought up when confusion is on their faces to the shades of colors my kids are, and the pinkness I am. But only to kind people who listen. Rude people have to just ponder for the rest of their lives....lol

[AwaitingBeloved]

Originally Posted by FH-Roon63

just a quick pop in maybe understanding. I am an adoptive momma to 4, and really never ever tell people these are my adoptive kids, but the words, " and my adopted daughter" has come out of my mouth. This is when refering in a joking way to the little girl, that is very close to my kids, she goes with us alot. I will jokingly say, and my adopted daughter...

Roon, I was just coming on to suggest this same thing. I hope that's what the woman said. It's still insensitive to the adoptive world in a way, but much sweeter than the other alternative. I can't tell you how many of my friend's mother's used to say this about me.. and as a kid, I loved it, it made me feel sooooo special. Hopefully that's what this was.

[mom2justynsarah]

Shame on her! I don't even think of my daughter as my "adopted daughter". She is my daughter! Period!

[BestLight]

In my perfect world, the one that I'm the Queen of, adopted is always a verb to describe what Hubby and I DID -- not an adjective to describe who our children ARE.

Off with her head!

(unless Roon and AwaitingBeloved are right and it was said endearingly about a child's close friend -- she could then keep her head .)

[MMC66]

I'm pretty sure she was refering to an actual adopted child as she was totally serious and this child lives with them etc but I would really like to be wrong.

[Roon63]

I am teeheeing (okay I really did laugh right out loud) about headless insensitive people. How nice to be in McDonalds and go to sit down, and see a group of headless people, and go "oops, don't sit by them, they are insensitive, I can tell, because Queen Best Light has had them beheaded for previous insensitivity"



Maybe I shouldn't come in here with a pot of java in my blood system, but I am giggling, thank you all my invisiable friends!

[773-mom-to-be]

Two quick things this reminded me of (because I think everybody has covered how brainless and insensitive this was)....

Has anybody seen the movie The Royal Tenanbaums? Gene Hackman constantly refers to Gwyneth Paltrow as "my adopted daughter, Margo." It becomes a running joke throughout the movie, as a way to show what a thoughtless lout Hackman's character is.

Also, and I'll sing the praises of this book whenever I can, there's a chapter title in Jana Wolff's book called "Spit-up is spit-up: Adopted poop doesn't smell any different." Point being, people's definitions of "real" kid are scary. It's bad enough that the unknowing/unthinking public would say things like that, but a mom???

[MkMw]

funny that you mention this. I work for an AuPair agency and recently got an e-mail from grandparents who are helping find an AP for their grandaughter.

They spoke with obvious pride about her, and talked about how I knew how protective grandparents could be, but referred to her as their "adopted granddaughter" - I'm thinking that maybe because it is new they are still in the "I want to share with everyone how she found us" phase and that it will pass - maybe that is the case here too?

I haven't responded to her yet, still working on my professional, yet educational reply :0

[spaypets]

I was thinking, similar to Roon, that maybe it wasn't a real adoption, but that they'd taken in one of their children's friends--more like a guardianship, rather than a legal adoption, and she was misusing the word. Otherwise, how awful.

[NJNative]

Hmmm....do other moms say "This is Jason, my vaginally delivered -- after 30 hours of labor, 2 hours of pushing and one episiotomy-- son." I don't THINK so.....


Robin

[AwaitingBeloved]

ROBIN!

HAHAHAHA! That was one of the FUNNIEST things I've seen in a loooong time! Great point!

[cail_m]

I hope she was joking for the little girl's sake and its not really a term she uses to set the girl apart. I myself am adopted and I've always known, always kept it out in the open. I've actually had someone (and yes i remember this) bend down to talk to me at Wal-mart when I was with my adoptive mother and ask "so do you know your real mommy?" and I told her in the most smart a$$ tone i could muster "this IS my real mommy".
If the idea of being adopted into a family is presented to her wrong then imo she's going to have a lot to deal with later.